Feeling Sick Lonely
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: 49th State
Posts: 41
Feeling Sick Lonely
Well, I am sick with a cold. So I know that it is affecting my resilincey (sorry for spelling, cold medicine) to stay strong and mind my own business. It is also exacerbating my feelings of loneliness and abandonment. So thought I would try and reach out here for just a little sympathy and straight talk.
I haven't heard from my AAH for about 36 hours. Which I know is a GOOD thing, because it really helps me have serenity right now not having to hear his craziness or see him so messed up. I tell myself that this way I can rest and sleep and get well from this cold.
BUT, I feel lonely. I feel uncared for. I just want to cry. I know this is from the sickness my body is fighting coupled with the sickness of my own disease of co-addiction to my AAH. I know I am loved by my family, my friends, my new friends here and in Al-Anon. I know I am cared for. I know that loneliness is just a passing feeling and it will go away.
I do not know why when I have so many caring loving people in my life, that it just matters that the addict isn't showing love in my life. Which because it is the nature of the addiction he can't at this point.
He is above and beyond sicker than I am. Am I able at this moment, just with a severe cold, to "be there" for the people who rely on me? No. In fact the thought of having to do anything right now for my loved ones kind of makes me mad, because I just want to be sick.
So if I take this type of logic and apply it to the addict in my life, can I understand why he is not available to anyone in his life right now? He is so much sicker, with a 40 year sickness. Right now he is so very acutely ill with his addiction, it has such a hold on him. He is unwilling to do anything but feed his illness.
AND YET, this makes me angry.
So I think after reading the above I think I need to do a couple of things.
#1 Remember the first step. I am powerless over alcohol and drugs. I am powerless over him. Let Go and Let God.
#2 Mind my own business and leave him alone
#3 First things First. Be kind to myself and concentrate on getting well. I do not need any added stress to compromise my health any further. Engaging the addict in any way at this time will do nothing to help either one of us, and in fact could jeopardize the progress I have already made.
#4 When I get to feeling low, reach out to someone (like you guys) who care about my recovery. Not to the addict.
Ok everybody. Thanks for just letting me rant. I needed it. I feel better and stronger about leaving the addict alone and just minding my own business.
I haven't heard from my AAH for about 36 hours. Which I know is a GOOD thing, because it really helps me have serenity right now not having to hear his craziness or see him so messed up. I tell myself that this way I can rest and sleep and get well from this cold.
BUT, I feel lonely. I feel uncared for. I just want to cry. I know this is from the sickness my body is fighting coupled with the sickness of my own disease of co-addiction to my AAH. I know I am loved by my family, my friends, my new friends here and in Al-Anon. I know I am cared for. I know that loneliness is just a passing feeling and it will go away.
I do not know why when I have so many caring loving people in my life, that it just matters that the addict isn't showing love in my life. Which because it is the nature of the addiction he can't at this point.
He is above and beyond sicker than I am. Am I able at this moment, just with a severe cold, to "be there" for the people who rely on me? No. In fact the thought of having to do anything right now for my loved ones kind of makes me mad, because I just want to be sick.
So if I take this type of logic and apply it to the addict in my life, can I understand why he is not available to anyone in his life right now? He is so much sicker, with a 40 year sickness. Right now he is so very acutely ill with his addiction, it has such a hold on him. He is unwilling to do anything but feed his illness.
AND YET, this makes me angry.
So I think after reading the above I think I need to do a couple of things.
#1 Remember the first step. I am powerless over alcohol and drugs. I am powerless over him. Let Go and Let God.
#2 Mind my own business and leave him alone
#3 First things First. Be kind to myself and concentrate on getting well. I do not need any added stress to compromise my health any further. Engaging the addict in any way at this time will do nothing to help either one of us, and in fact could jeopardize the progress I have already made.
#4 When I get to feeling low, reach out to someone (like you guys) who care about my recovery. Not to the addict.
Ok everybody. Thanks for just letting me rant. I needed it. I feel better and stronger about leaving the addict alone and just minding my own business.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Can relate to the cold meds; the only thing I've had inthe last 10 weeks has been Ambien, which makes me feel a little trippy/unbalanced for a couple hours in the morning. Wishing you thoughts of happiness and contentment.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I'm sick with a cold, too. I have noticed that my co-dependency symptoms have been worse while I've been sick.
I think the the steps that you came up with are excellent! I am going to keep reminding myself "first things first" too. Another thing I've been trying to concentrate on is baby steps and "one day at a time." Right now, my focus is to get over this cold.
I hope you feel better really soon!
I think the the steps that you came up with are excellent! I am going to keep reminding myself "first things first" too. Another thing I've been trying to concentrate on is baby steps and "one day at a time." Right now, my focus is to get over this cold.
I hope you feel better really soon!
). Hope the cold goes away soon too.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I'm sorry you're sick Puggrinz. :sorry I hope you are back up on your feet soon!
I feel ya' on this one. I used to feel this way often. I've pretty much grown out of it now, though, after all these experiences with addicted and alcoholic persons, thank Goodness!
I do know what it's like to miss a person who you know is BAD for you and you know you don't even WANT them in your life because they just bring so much sickness, chaos and confusion in your life. It takes a while to stop missing the good parts of them. It takes a while to stop looking at your phone, or looking out the window, or whatever your daily peek for your best friend used to be.
It does go away, I PROMISE you.
I remember telling my (male) friend at work one day how "I just WISH he would stop calling me! I don't want to talk to him; he drives me crazy!" And when, the next day, bawling my eyes out I told him how I DIDN'T want to talk to him but I wished he would call because it hurts that he doesn't call, my friend was like, "WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?! You make NO sense. Yesterday you said you never wanted to talk to him again!" I just laughed. You have to laugh at yourself and the situation. It's just ridiculous, isn't it?
Anyway, I hope that story gave you a little smile. Feel better Puggy!
BUT, I feel lonely. I feel uncared for. I just want to cry.
I do know what it's like to miss a person who you know is BAD for you and you know you don't even WANT them in your life because they just bring so much sickness, chaos and confusion in your life. It takes a while to stop missing the good parts of them. It takes a while to stop looking at your phone, or looking out the window, or whatever your daily peek for your best friend used to be.
It does go away, I PROMISE you.I remember telling my (male) friend at work one day how "I just WISH he would stop calling me! I don't want to talk to him; he drives me crazy!" And when, the next day, bawling my eyes out I told him how I DIDN'T want to talk to him but I wished he would call because it hurts that he doesn't call, my friend was like, "WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?! You make NO sense. Yesterday you said you never wanted to talk to him again!" I just laughed. You have to laugh at yourself and the situation. It's just ridiculous, isn't it?
Anyway, I hope that story gave you a little smile. Feel better Puggy!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Puggs,
I felt like this a few days ago. I allowed myself to grieve and cry and feel lonely and then I had to move on. I had to wake up the next day with a better outlook. I had to realize that what I am missing is the company of someone, the affection that goes along with it, something I don't get from my family (ya, know). Then, I also realized that I'm okay without it. I don't need that right now. That would complicate my progress and what I'm striving to do to work on myself while RABF works on himself in rehab. I just hugged my son instead. That was good enough for me.
Hope your day gets better. Keep your head up.
I felt like this a few days ago. I allowed myself to grieve and cry and feel lonely and then I had to move on. I had to wake up the next day with a better outlook. I had to realize that what I am missing is the company of someone, the affection that goes along with it, something I don't get from my family (ya, know). Then, I also realized that I'm okay without it. I don't need that right now. That would complicate my progress and what I'm striving to do to work on myself while RABF works on himself in rehab. I just hugged my son instead. That was good enough for me.
Hope your day gets better. Keep your head up.
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