justsad

Hi. this is the first time I have posted in the narcotics area....i have done a few posts in the family of alcoholics section. My husband has struggled with durg/alcohol dependence for his entire life. This year he substantially damaged 2 of our vehicles (one totalled) , with no DUIs because we live on a long series of dirt roads. Anyway, after rolling the second car he now has been working to stay "sober" ...meaning no alcohol. He was seeing a ounselor once a week, now its down to once a month (we have kaiser)...and the closest aa meetings are an hour or so away. Anyway, his new thing is "relaxation pills"...meaning xanax. He receives a small dosage prescribed from his doctor but then buys twice as much now (since stopping drinking) ...over 160$ this week...i'm just really...well...just sad. Ive been mad and frustrated, but that doesnt get me anywhere. I'm still trying to help him in his sobriety and recovery, and he has said he wants to come off of xanax, but he also still thinks it "helps him relax" and it "works'". I have to believe that he knows xanax is addictive...and we've discussed that he doesnt want to be dependent on it... but when he still pulls money out of our account to buy more.... actions definately speak louder than words. I'm just trying to stop worrying about him so much, but its hard.

StayinAlive

Hi and sorry to hear about your struggles.

I abused benzos / alcohol at one time but have been free for several years. First off make sure you take care of number one....you. Gain support from other alanon members and learn about the codependent nature of a relationship with an addict.

If he is willing...big if, get him to educate himself on Benzo's. They are a nasty addiction and must be withdrawn professionally or risk injury and psychosis. Welcome to benzo.org.uk

Good luck to you.

justsad

Thanks for your reply, the website listed was helpful. I'm just majorly bummed right how, AH just called now saying he "needs" to "take time off work"...meaning he is probably losing his job (he was on his last straw after being caught drinking at work during his last major bingeing episode (where he rolled truck). I think I am going to suggest he inpatient for a few days, though I know he wont like. I'm so sad. I know he has a problem and all I want is for him to agree and to want to get better, and to actually do it! I had a major eating disorder for 8 years (in recovery for that 6 years now, so I know it seems hard to get out of set behaviors, but I also know that it can be done and you can totally turn your life around.... how wonderful normalcy can be! Hubby has been abandoned by so many people throughout his life..... I cant abandon him too. for better or worse, right?????

justsad

replies are greatly appreciated, by the way. I'm feeling very lonely =(

StayinAlive

its late and peeps are sleeping, your thread will get more action tomorrow.

What was it for you that made you want to get help for your disorder. Its usually consequences but with addiction denial can be huge. I know you want to help him but there if a fine line between enabling and helping. Bottom line is he has to want to help himself.

justsad

I should be sleeping too...but I usually lose a lot of sleep over this stuff

RedTailHawk

Yes - hooray for your success with this. I am hoping that because you have faced your own challenges, you will see that only YOU could change you. You can not change your H....you did not cause this for your H and you can not CONTROL this for your H. Your sense of normalcy is not necessarily what your H will see as "normal". He must define his own life.


This is a slippery slope that I lived for 16 years. I can not tell you what to do - your choices are your own. But I will tell you that YOU can not sacrifice yourself. What are YOUR boundaries? What are YOU willing to live with? I almost loved and stood by my AH until we both landed in the grave.

He must choose rehab on his own. He must choose his own help. He must decide what he wants. If you really want to love him - go to a Nar-Anon or Al-anon meeting for yourself. Find out YOUR answers. Take care of YOU. Taking care of you is the greatest gift you can give yourself and him.

Some folks here have stayed successfully. Some leave...I left and it was not abandoning my AH - it was taking a stand that I would not sacrifice my peace and my life for his addiction. I love him - I cheer him on - I pray he will find peace in his own life and his own recovery.

I send you hugs and support as you make this journey. Read the stickies and educate yourself. SR is a great place for you to find support and infinite wisdom! Peace.