What's normall? Such Mixed Feelings..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 102
Limyia! Thank you soo much 
I have been thinking of all the memories I have with him and their wasnt any besides the FIRST two weeks where he didnt Drink and use drugs.. what a relationship!!! I think now its me needing to figure out WHY i am jelouse of his new girlfriend. Because your right, whenever your in those situations all you want is peace and silent and OUT. I will have to do more searching within to find why I am so envious of a skinny blonde party girl who is my ex's new interest.
I have been thinking of all the memories I have with him and their wasnt any besides the FIRST two weeks where he didnt Drink and use drugs.. what a relationship!!! I think now its me needing to figure out WHY i am jelouse of his new girlfriend. Because your right, whenever your in those situations all you want is peace and silent and OUT. I will have to do more searching within to find why I am so envious of a skinny blonde party girl who is my ex's new interest.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
in regards to:
I don't know if it's so much consideration for their girlfriends or s/o's as much as having different levels of maturity ...... and interests. Interests meaning doing drugs and partying day/night.
Imagine how most guys don't do this and have time to be considerate towards their girlfriends.
Last edited by Abundance; 09-22-2009 at 03:56 PM.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Midlands
Posts: 201
Abundance, i do agree with regards to the different interests, but i still think it's consideration as well.
For example, i've had previous boyfriends where we would go out with friends, party, and i'd say "oh i'm getting tired now, think i'd like to go home" and my partner would say "ok babe.." then he would say goodnight to his friends and see them next time. Then he would go home together and i would have done the same.
When coke or any other drug is involved, the thoughts of their partner goes out the window. If they wanna stay up getting more wasted then they will, and they don't care if they send you home alone. No consideration there in that process, even if they have been up all night.
That was one of my biggest hates was the pacing and not sleeping and rambling and just insanity.
But yes immaturity is a big factor as well. You find they can still be pretty selfish too when not using. It's just a different level.
~Limiya~
For example, i've had previous boyfriends where we would go out with friends, party, and i'd say "oh i'm getting tired now, think i'd like to go home" and my partner would say "ok babe.." then he would say goodnight to his friends and see them next time. Then he would go home together and i would have done the same.
When coke or any other drug is involved, the thoughts of their partner goes out the window. If they wanna stay up getting more wasted then they will, and they don't care if they send you home alone. No consideration there in that process, even if they have been up all night.
That was one of my biggest hates was the pacing and not sleeping and rambling and just insanity.
But yes immaturity is a big factor as well. You find they can still be pretty selfish too when not using. It's just a different level.
~Limiya~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 102
Abundance/Limiya
I agree with both your posts! I cant even count the times id go to bed alone and literally wait till the next day if my ex even came to BED! (in which it was unlikly he would sleep)
At parties or while out partying if I was getting tired he'd say well "you can go because im not coming to bed anytime soon" SO mean.
On the trip to the carribean I took him on he was really drunk (thank god he couldnt find drugs their lol) and he wanted to fight someone so he literally tried to start something with ANYONE! ne ways even their he told me to go to our room because he wanted to stay up and drink and fight like WHAT?
i seriously hate cocaine! and all drugs (minus weed) but i dont smoke it just done hear as much probs with weed..
I agree with both your posts! I cant even count the times id go to bed alone and literally wait till the next day if my ex even came to BED! (in which it was unlikly he would sleep)
At parties or while out partying if I was getting tired he'd say well "you can go because im not coming to bed anytime soon" SO mean.
On the trip to the carribean I took him on he was really drunk (thank god he couldnt find drugs their lol) and he wanted to fight someone so he literally tried to start something with ANYONE! ne ways even their he told me to go to our room because he wanted to stay up and drink and fight like WHAT?
i seriously hate cocaine! and all drugs (minus weed) but i dont smoke it just done hear as much probs with weed..
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Stick with the "all drugs".... if you aren't hearing problems with people who use and abuse weed, then you aren't listening. Sorry, you struck a nerve. That being said... I understand completely the original question..."what is normal". I struggle with that and what is fun. What does it look like. What do I like to do? BUT... am learning every day and it is starting to get a bit easier... hang in .... sounds like you are doing good things for you... just keep focusing reaching out in a healthy way and always asking "does this work for me?"
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I have NO tolerance for people who steal my sleep. That addicted person would just disturb my peace and serenity in so many ways. He would call me 20 times a day to talk about his work (as if I didn't have my OWN work, my OWN job). He would go into my bedroom at 7:30PM on work nights and put a movie in, get in my bed, and eat popcorn; after I told him hundreds of times that I cannot fall asleep with all this going on. I get up at 5:30AM and he would wake me up three times a night!
I never knew what to expect from that person, no stability, no routine, no consideration, no sanity. Nothing healthy in that relationship. It was just a means to an end.
NOT worth it!
I never knew what to expect from that person, no stability, no routine, no consideration, no sanity. Nothing healthy in that relationship. It was just a means to an end.
NOT worth it!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 102
Originally Posted by Learn2Live 
I have NO tolerance for people who
I never knew what to expect from that person, no stability, no routine, no consideration, no sanity. Nothing healthy in that relationship. It was just a means to an end.
NOT worth it!
I never knew what to expect from that person, no stability, no routine, no consideration, no sanity. Nothing healthy in that relationship. It was just a means to an end.
NOT worth it!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
apparently all my ex did was weed. Maybe she was not being totally honest but that is what I always smelled on her. She was usually depressed so that seemed to go with it as well. She even told me all she thought about was smoking...that her family would just lounge around all weekend and vege...smoke. It consumed her life and our relationship.
Maybe she was doing other stuff to, who knows. That is all she admitted to anyway. If nothing else it totally saps your motivation and dulls the senses. My sister used to smoke a lot and has done okay in life but I wouldn't say she has "thrived" or lived anywhere near her potential. She is a much happier and more outgoing person now that she quit several years ago. There are always exceptions to the rule, but that's been my expereince with people and weed and it hasn't been pretty.
Maybe she was doing other stuff to, who knows. That is all she admitted to anyway. If nothing else it totally saps your motivation and dulls the senses. My sister used to smoke a lot and has done okay in life but I wouldn't say she has "thrived" or lived anywhere near her potential. She is a much happier and more outgoing person now that she quit several years ago. There are always exceptions to the rule, but that's been my expereince with people and weed and it hasn't been pretty.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: CANADA
Posts: 24
hi Lost84,
i truely understand what your saying... my x addict left me without warning- you can if you want read my post..over 4 months ago... i can say to you that i now literally a week or two ago-have finally let go..emotionally and psychologically... you need to take time for you..i had no interest in even dating anyone..i need to get past this and heal myself..understand or try to understand the addiction and then release it! and let go..... over 4 months of no contact.. truely has helped..i know in the past when he would disappear and come back so remorseful with his sweet talking ways..i always fell back into his web..and another month went by and another and the same o'l stuff!
please take the time to get to know yourself..enjoy being by yourself..we are so much better going into a relationship - when we are happy with who we are... stay strong....
hugs bluebella
i truely understand what your saying... my x addict left me without warning- you can if you want read my post..over 4 months ago... i can say to you that i now literally a week or two ago-have finally let go..emotionally and psychologically... you need to take time for you..i had no interest in even dating anyone..i need to get past this and heal myself..understand or try to understand the addiction and then release it! and let go..... over 4 months of no contact.. truely has helped..i know in the past when he would disappear and come back so remorseful with his sweet talking ways..i always fell back into his web..and another month went by and another and the same o'l stuff!
please take the time to get to know yourself..enjoy being by yourself..we are so much better going into a relationship - when we are happy with who we are... stay strong....
hugs bluebella
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
People are drugs too!
imo it is much like detoxing. You still crave the drug and the thrill of the excitement using it brought about. Life without it can seem pretty dull and boring. We are so use to abusing ourselves and being abused that when we meet someone who is kind and respectful it just doesn't seem right. Unnatural if you will ...
It takes time to heal and if you don't allow yourself that time and get to know you. I can promise you that you will only end up with another addict repeating the same ol' patterns over and over and over.
Focus on your recovery not relationship or .. trust me when I say this .. "you'll be sorry". I come from the school of hard knocks and I speak from years of experience.
Hugs,
Passion
I'm all sides of the coin
Recovering drug addict/alcoholic/enabler/codependent
It takes time to heal and if you don't allow yourself that time and get to know you. I can promise you that you will only end up with another addict repeating the same ol' patterns over and over and over.
Focus on your recovery not relationship or .. trust me when I say this .. "you'll be sorry". I come from the school of hard knocks and I speak from years of experience.
Hugs,
Passion
I'm all sides of the coin
Recovering drug addict/alcoholic/enabler/codependent
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