forwardbound

My ah has been in rehab for about a month now for the second time in a year. I have shut down emotionally. Decided to let him go. He will be gone for three more months. I decided it was easier when we couldn't see him and he couldn't send letters. I have to take the kids to see him for two hours once a week but its the letters that are hard. He talks about the changes he's made and what he's learned and learning, quotes scriptures and says he will wait for my forgiveness as long as it takes. I told myself its so much easier when I don't have to see him or hear from him at all so this is the longest I've gone without receiving a letter from him. Why do I feel so disappointed? I thought I had emotionally let him go. That I didn't trust his words so they meant nothing to me so why do I feel so down that I haven't gotten more of his lies? I'm so confused.

On another note entirely, why do rehab places have meetings for friends and family or addicts/alcoholics but all they talk about is how the addict really can't help it, its the way they are wired and how to be helpful and supportive of them but they say nothing about what it does to the family, friends and how to deal with that. I refuse to attend another.

URMYEVERYTHING

Hi Forward Bound,
I'm going through a similiar situation as well. My RBF is currently in rehab right now and I have emotionally detached for now. I don't get angry with him for repairing and saying things that he is learning as that is a good sign but I think what you are going through is comletely normal.

Yeah, the family therapy, isn't the finest but it gives us an outlet to talk with each other in a therapeutic setting and it challenges us to look at ourselves in the relationship. However, I have been reading, along with my BF a book that has been helpful to both me and him. It's called "Reclaim Your Family from Addiction" by Craig Nakken. It explains how the addict has affected the whole family, children included, and it also explains how the addict and the family can repair the damage that has been done during addiction. It was an eye opener for me because often the addict takes FULL responsibility for his addiction and the repair process but the family also takes part in the recovery process as well. They take part in their own recovery process.

The thing about addiction is that it affects all involved even the the ones who aren't using. It's a disease that infiltrates everything in it's path.

Abundance

In the early days of going no contact - you will go through a detox and will experience similar feelings of detoxing a substance. You are used to hearing those words, even though you learned to accept them as just THAT - words, you will still grieve them. You are experiencing grief.....

Maybe my x went to a super rehab - because the family/friends was focused heavily on codependency and how to just let them get on with it and get out of their way and focus on ourselves.

You are in the right place... welcome, while I wish you weren't in this situation, I'm glad you have found SR.

Peace xoxo