suchAsucker

I just wanted to pass along something else I learned today: Saying "NO" to the addict in my life gets easier every day...

I got a call from my ex-a-fiance this evening. He has been homeless, on the boulevards for several weeks, his money has run out. I know that he has 3 options in town: (1) goto Catholic Charities Homeless Work Placement Program; (2) Salvation Army Rehab and/or Shelter for Men; (3) call his place of bail and request to be remandend into custody (jail) to await sentencing on 28 October; (4) the Streets and cardboard boxes;. Any of those options will provide him with food, a schedule, and a safe haven (outside of option #4)..

He called, told me how "wicked" the streets were to him.. pleading for help. And I was not moved. Of course, I felt sympathy for his plight, but wasn't driven to provide help to "save" him. I listened-- for a few minutes. I let him vent. But I wasn't at all a slave to the crazy-making...

I know that he has options. I know that these places help people find work -- even if it's only changing the bedsheets of incoming men or cooking food as a volunteer in exchange for board. He chooses not to work... Unlike previous times, I didn't take a moment to ponder "how hard/difficult" it must be for him... Because I know that if *I* was faced with being homeless I wouldn't care WHATEVER I HAD TO DO to keep a roof over my head... I would figure a way out of it... but I'm DONE trying to figure out his life for him.

He knows he has 3 options: JAIL, INSTITUTIONS, or DEATH if he continues to use. He is 41 yrs old. He can either figure it out, or die trying.

I will always love him, but I'm no longer going to let myself get sucked into his problems. I turn off my phone when I crawl into bed, say my prayers, and let the day slip away.

It was VERY EASY today to listen to him and then hang up the phone... I wasn't sucked-into the drama today. I have my OWN life to worry about... It's not that I dont care, I do... But it's been 3 years of the same album/record playing over-and-over again and I'm damn bored of the song...

So I totally "get it" when Rhett Butler says to Scarlett, the drama queen, upon being asked...

Scarlett: "Oh Rhett, where shall I go??? What shall I do?!?"
Rhett: "Frankly, My Dear, I Don't Give a Damn"...

Music Swells... Door Closes...

truthhurts

Excellent.

teke

good for you. he'll eventually find his way. i believe this may have been the best thing you could have done for the both of you. he and you are in my prayers

suchAsucker

I owe my recovery to the wonderful people within the rooms of SR forums and Church... One day at a time.. today was a good day.. I pray tomorrow will be, too... But if tomorrow is a challenge, then I have to fall back on my new "coping tools" and prayer to gather the strength to pick myslef up, dust it off, and try again another day...

greeteachday

Sounds like you have a path laid out very well...One day at a time. Thanks for sharing your light!!

outtolunch

Such an inspiration, again. Thank you.

breakingfree88

Thank you so much.

Cath1029

I went to Catholic Charities myself a few weeks back when I was on the verge of being homeless. They provided food, gas and help with my rent and asked absolutely nothing in return. There is no reason that he couldn't get exactly the same thing.

Michelle30

Hello Such A,

I just came from paying my cell phone bill, hehe and I clicked your thread. I am new here but like you said the same old song, same old tune and it's get tired after while. You keep praying, Stay strong like the woman you are. Remember what kills us makes us stronger. I thank you for your honest, thank you for sharing. I understand what you are going through. I love my ex, he is an addict, but I was told when you love someone, LET THEM GO! Evenutally they will find their way. Sometimes you have to go through the storm. That is God's test of our faith in him. God Bless You, you will be in prayers. I love you my sister and continue to stay strong no matter what.

Ann

I have often said that "we" are not the only option, we're not even a good option.

It's only when we stop allowing ourselves to be an option that they will take a look at healthier alternatives including detox and rehab. Even if the option they choose is the street, it has been said that often the street is what leads them to recovery faster than anything else.

Good for you for having the courage to say "no". The older it all becomes, the easier it is to say "no" and mean it.

Hugs

Jody Hepler

No" is as complete sentence - took me a long time to learn that.

I so agree with you - it gets easier as time goes on. The old - act as if .... take the action and the feelings will follow.

Life is choices - and they are entitled to make their own. They have a HP that is much better at "helping" them than I am. And HP often has plans that I never even thought of and are always better (imagine that - the great planner that I am).

Thanks for your example.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
"

Learn2Live

Thank you suchAsucker. I wish you could change your name cause you don't sound like a sucker to me.