leznew

My wife has been in rehab for almost 2 weeks of here 30 day treatment. She is in recovery for opiate addiction. I have barely spoken to her and It is realy eating me up. My phone was not getting service on Saturday and she left me a message. She said It was not a big deal and I shouldnt freak out, but she needed to set boundries. I havent spoken to her or called to leave a message. She said I need to respect her and not call. Is this part of the process or is she trying to blow me off. I am confused.

teke

hi, welcome to sr. its good that your wife is in rehab. it is suggested in early recovery that the addict focus on their recovery and its harder to do if they are more focused on whats going on on outside. i really don't think she is trying to blow you off. i think maybe she is trying to do whatever she needs to do to get better.

while shes there maybe its time for you to focus more on you. loved ones are also effected by their addictions and we also need to recover. do what you can to educate yourself on addiction and codependancy. read the stickies at the top of the forum page. read as much as you can and keep posting as much as you like. alanon/naranon are both good support groups for family members, there are there to help keep the focus on you. maybe you can search you area and try one or two.

stick around, other will be along shortly. there is a lot of wisdom and experience here. i'll keep you guys in my prayers

leznew

I have been reading on what is going on, and I have been working on focusing on myself. I think I just needed reassurance and you just helped. Thank you. I have read up on codependance as well and I need to work on that as well.

:praying

rose

I believe it is part of the process...they detox, then after that they get a real chip on thier shoulders, probably confusion in the brain, no better way to let the frustration out than on thier loved one.

Just from my own experience, while my husband was locked up or in rehab when this happened, if I went for a visit... it was not pleasant. I just came out a mess, he was bitter, anything to start a fight..there was no I miss you, Love You....it was more like how many ways could he have told me he hated me and what I had done to put him where he was. One visit I had with him lasted 7 minutes before I walked out.

There is no knowing how long they will be in this state for, again from my own experience
it could last anywhere from 3 days to 6weeks, but it wasn't so bad if he was in rehab, was worse when he was in jail, that is when it was at least the 6week chip. I made a big big mistake going to visit him in jail when he was in this state, it was a jail where you had one hour to visit through a window...there was no leaving before the hour was up, you are in there for the hour....we got into right away, now we had to sit there and stare at each other for the rest of the time, finally the hour was up...bells, horns, whistles were going...it think they were calling code orange, code orange...it was a lock down...there I was in lock down in the visiting area, along with the others that were there visiting to! So there I had to sit across from this cranky, chip on his shoulder addict for another 45 minutes, he had this smirk on his face and if I could have gone through that plexy glass and squished his lips it would have been another code lock down.

Personally I would not make any contact with her while she is in this frame of mind.
Yes they do have to have space and work on theirselves when they are in recovery, but with it just being two weeks into it, it is a brain thing and anger.

Rose