New here, I need all the advice I can get. Please help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 11
New here, I need all the advice I can get. Please help
Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing well in their journeys towards sobriety/recovery. I joined the forum not because I am an addict however my fiance is addicted to cocaine in various forms. Yesterday morning he left for rehab. In the two years that we've been engaged I've hardly ever been away from him and now he's gone for the next 34 days and I'm just looking for some support. Every time he calls I cant help but cry. Is there something I can say to ease his feelings as well as my own?
-Me
Hope everyone is doing well in their journeys towards sobriety/recovery. I joined the forum not because I am an addict however my fiance is addicted to cocaine in various forms. Yesterday morning he left for rehab. In the two years that we've been engaged I've hardly ever been away from him and now he's gone for the next 34 days and I'm just looking for some support. Every time he calls I cant help but cry. Is there something I can say to ease his feelings as well as my own?
-Me
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
Man I wish I had an answer for you. I have little expereince with this and I also am not an addict. I WAS an enabler though and even that hid itself from me until after reading much on here and doing a lot of looking at myself.
The good thing for you is that HE IS IN REHAB. That is a great start to a better future. Hopefully he went on his own and is ready to tackle the times ahead. I would try and just focus on yourself and understand that he is going to have some struggles as will you. As they say, "anything worth having is worth working for".
I am sure more people who have been in your shoes will comment soon. This is a wonderful community for support and information. hugs to you.
The good thing for you is that HE IS IN REHAB. That is a great start to a better future. Hopefully he went on his own and is ready to tackle the times ahead. I would try and just focus on yourself and understand that he is going to have some struggles as will you. As they say, "anything worth having is worth working for".
I am sure more people who have been in your shoes will comment soon. This is a wonderful community for support and information. hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
Addiction brings a lot of loss and a lot of pain and tears and grief are a natural response to the terribleness of it all.
Let the people in rehab teach him to deal with his own feelings, dear, and face life on his own two feet.
Welcome. Everyone here is ready to help you through whatever is ahead.
Let the people in rehab teach him to deal with his own feelings, dear, and face life on his own two feet.
Welcome. Everyone here is ready to help you through whatever is ahead.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Afin, welcome to SR. You've found a good place for support for YOU! Read all the sticky posts here at the top of the forum... learn all you can about addiction and recovery.
Use this time to put the focus back on you... enjoy the break from the chaos our loved one's addiction brings into our lives. A good book to read is Co-dependent no more" by Melody Beatty.
Keep reading and posting. You'll find so much support here!
(((HUGS)))
Use this time to put the focus back on you... enjoy the break from the chaos our loved one's addiction brings into our lives. A good book to read is Co-dependent no more" by Melody Beatty.
Keep reading and posting. You'll find so much support here!
(((HUGS)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 11
Thank you all for your kind words. Every time he calls I cry and I feel a pinch of guilt but all the counselors have said its only normal. I pray for his recovery and I am optomisitic..its just so hard.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, welcome to sr. i'm glad to see him seeking help but there is still no need for you to feel guilty. he may have tried to blame you for a lot but you had nothing to do with his decision to abuse drugs and there is nothing you can do to help him short of focusing on you and allowing him to do the same for himself.
rehab is the beginning so i pray that he is really ready to stop and continue to move forward in his recovery. i am a recovering crack/cocaine addict and it took me about 5 or 6 rehab stints before i was convinced and its taking my ah a lot more stays at rehab and he is still at it. i said that to say that even though its really good that he is reaching out, rehab is not a cure all. addiction effects all involved so try to keep the focus on you. i'll be praying for the both of you
rehab is the beginning so i pray that he is really ready to stop and continue to move forward in his recovery. i am a recovering crack/cocaine addict and it took me about 5 or 6 rehab stints before i was convinced and its taking my ah a lot more stays at rehab and he is still at it. i said that to say that even though its really good that he is reaching out, rehab is not a cure all. addiction effects all involved so try to keep the focus on you. i'll be praying for the both of you
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
In my opinion you should RUN, not walk, to al-anon mtgs. and
work the 12 steps of recovery through that program to work on yourself and your own issues and co-dependent ways.
For the best chance at a healthy life and relationship it would be best for both of you to get involved.
Best wishes.
work the 12 steps of recovery through that program to work on yourself and your own issues and co-dependent ways.For the best chance at a healthy life and relationship it would be best for both of you to get involved.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 6
I know it must be hard to be alone now since you are use to being with him. Do you have friends or family to be with right now? Use this month to focus on yourself, and do things that will bring joy into your life. Although it's hard to be alone, rejoice in the fact that he is going to rehab and is pursuing a clean lifestyle.
I'm glad you are reaching out to get support from such a great community.
I'm glad you are reaching out to get support from such a great community.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
look online with a search for al-anon in your city or county.
Online directories of mtgs. are available.
Then find a home mtg. that feels right for you.
It works when you work it.
All of my relationships have improved and I started working on my own character defects rather than noticing everyone else's after working the steps through al-anon and going to mtgs for several yrs.
Online directories of mtgs. are available.
Then find a home mtg. that feels right for you.
It works when you work it.
All of my relationships have improved and I started working on my own character defects rather than noticing everyone else's after working the steps through al-anon and going to mtgs for several yrs.
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