dslalonde

Dixie,
As parents, we all shoulder the blame one way or another. As my oldest son started rebelling (nothing to do with drugs),when he was in high school. he told me that we were a dysfunctional family.:wtf2 I was horrified, knowing i had done all i could to give him a happy and productive childhood. How dare he say this...so i asked him what he considered a "Functional Family". He told me his friend Alex had the "Functional Family". So, I hauled myself over to ALEX's home, and sure enough, June Cleaver met me at the front door, hair done, and apron, welcoming me to their home. I couldn't think of an excuse for being there, other than our sons were friends and i wanted to meet her. She graciously led me into their Study to meet her husband, and that is where I found the grand daddy of dysfunctional. Sitting in the dark, in his glorious study, was "DAD". He had an open Bar and sores all over his body.:wtf2 Extreeme alcoholic, he was already drunk @ 10:00am. But they had a Beautiful home and Alex had a new truck. As i left this home, I had to rationalize our children's interpretation of Dysfunctional.. All families have dysfunctional qualities. We all have made mistakes with our children we can not take back..........It is called being human, being a mom. This was long ago, as my son is now 30 with 3 children of his own. We laugh about this, now, he still could not believe i went over there to see a true "Functional Family". He now speaks of his childhood as the best and would never change it, amid all MOM's Faults.
As you have mentioned, you have 2 adult daughters, who are fine. I have to ask, would you change anything.......Can you honestly say that you did everything in your power to be a good mom??? If so, hold your head high, and continue your life.
And the ones accusing you, do they wear halo's?????
My youngest son, is a recovery addict.....Yes, the first, i have deal with the demon of addiction...It has been a roller coaster and nothing prepared me for this battle. But through our battle with our son, I too, was the blame for everything...The lies were the worst.........AS i have told you before, my shoulders are wide, and my heart bigger. All i can tell you is to "love him some more". Don't defend yourself........you are what you are, and you have done the best you could. Touch him, and let him get it all out, whatever he needs to tell you. It will hurt, but it is the only way you will be able to move on with him.
And of course, self-evaluation. But remember: Not one of us, as mothers, can say that we were perfect, (except for Alex's mom, June cleaver). Don't beat yourself up too much..........there will be more blows to come, so be prepared........
Susan

splendra

Hey((((dixied))))

There is a lot of stuff going on with my siblings right now and my mom feels totally responsible for it all. All moms make mistakes this is true. When our children are adults they are the ones responsible for their actions.

Don't buy into the blame thing it will just keep the game going that addicts play. It is not your fault or even his that he is an addict.

When an addict gets clean it is a miracle. A miracle is an act of God we can't control what God does but we can ask for a miracle I am praying that your son will be the subject of a miracle.

When "we" let go of all the drama it is a miracle too so I am praying for you to get your miracle soon as well...