Learn2Live

I know I've come so far in my recovery and in my life. Since I learned so long ago that I'm an alcoholic and whatever you call a person who keeps trying have relationships with addicts and alcoholics:

I've gotten a good education,
I've gotten a very good job,
I own my own house that I love,
I've found peace and serenity,
I've worked on my mental health and started following doctor's orders,
I've started working on Steps 2 and 3 which relate to my spiritual life,
I've learned to identify my own unhealthy behaviors, and
I've learned to identify the types of people I need to avoid.

I have also come to the conclusion that it's best for me and my health to keep all addicts and alcoholics completely out of my life (except my Dad). But it's still so HARD to keep them out. It's so hard for me to follow through with that decision when I first encounter them. I feel like I should help them and that I CAN help them. Then I fall in love with them. Sometimes I feel like such a fool. Isn't there some syndrome that nurses get when they fall in love with their patients? Maybe that's it, I don't know.

I am just so sad. My alcoholic, drug-addicted, gambling, cheating ex-BF was one of my favorite people when I was a teenager. I just HAD to help him because he was practically dead when I "found" him again, and I knew he had no idea that he had a problem. I am just so sad because I really did love him and now he's gone because I was finally able to make him go away. I miss him -the "REAL" him- although I don't really know what's REAL anymore!!! I wonder if I ever really did??? Some days I think and feel like I'm going crazy. I'm just so sad all the time.

I don't know WHAT I was thinking...

cassandra2

Looking at your situation from the outside I wonder if maybe you are sad because you couldnt "save" him? After all you are a nurse right?

When I was sad I really started to look at exactly what I was sad about. Sometimes it was that I felt I didnt do enough for him. I should have said this.....or that....Maybe if I would have done x,y,z that would have changed things. And of course if he would just get better we could live happily ever after... What it all boiled down to for me was that I couldnt MAKE him do anything whether it was what I thought was right or not. That made me sad.

But then again I would get sad when I would sit and ponder the "real" him etc. That kind of thinking is in the past and really serves no purpose today. What difference does it make.

I have been there and know the sad feelings. It will pass. They always do.....

Learn2Live

No, I'm not a nurse, but thanks for guessing that anyway. I've always had some kind of disconnect between my brain and my heart. I guess everyone is like that. Thanks for replying. It helps to know that I'm not alone.

hope213

((((( learn2live))))) i am sorry you are feeling so sad. you are a good person. you just have to take care of you. there is someone out there that is right for you. wait for the right person. you deserve.