imallright

So I put the house up for sale and today the for sale sign went up. Another piece of the broken dream. I am glad to be making a move to get to somewhere smaller and easier to afford and care for, but I am sad too. This was our family home. A family that fell apart because of my husband's drug use. I know I made the right move to end the marriage and dealing with all the fallout, but the remaining pieces just keep reminding me how sad this is.

I know that being sad right now is temporary and that I would have continued to be miserable, in pain and just plain not alive had I stayed in the marriage... but I am lonely, tired and sad right now.

I know that once it sells, it will be a fresh start... something of my own ... but I am not seeing too clearly today.

Support please.

Impurrfect

((Imallright)) - I'm sorry you're having a bad day. You're right...things are going to get better, and work out, but in the meantime, getting through the "now" stuff just hurts.

Is there something you can do today that would bring a big smile to your face? Doesn't have to be anything big, or anything that takes up the whole day...just something to remind you that you are taking care of you (and doing a darned good job I might add). Sometimes I just take a ride in the car through a pretty area, with the stereo cranked up with my favorite music. A little "car dancing" and I feel much better!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

itisatruth

(((imallright))) You have come sooooo far on your journey already. This, as sad as it is right now, is another step towards your beautiful future. You will be there, you will get there sooner than you might imagine.

Reading your post I am reminded of BayAreaPhoenix. I don't want to speak for her but I do remember when she had to leave her house too and find another. What I remember most about that time for her was that when she found her new house - a cute cottage like place from what I remember - she was happy because it was cozy, it was hers, and she finally felt HOME. I can see the same happening for you.

bluejay6

I'm so sorry for your losses and for your grief. I'm sorry you have to say goodbye to so many things you tried so hard to save. It is a tragedy when lives and homes and hearts are ripped apart by drugs.

But you still have love in you, it's still there, and that is what makes a life and makes a home, and the drugs took away so much, but they couldn't take away your capacity to love. When you are finished grieving, one day you will build something beautiful from the ground up, with love.

I am still sad from the loss of the drug addict from my life. I feel I have lived in a dream since he went away nearly three years ago. The confusion, the fog, I kept trying to swim out of it after he left.

I did find ways to root myself so i wouldn't float away with grief completely. I moved into a 1920 house and I made it beautiful with lovely art prints in old frames and I polished the floors and I leave the windows uncurtained for light and warmth. I have roses and tulips and peonies and hydrangeas outside. I have old rockers on the front porch. I have a dog and 2 cats. They have been with me through a lot of crying. But I don't cry anymore. Though I am still not yet healed.

When people come into my home, they fall in love with it. Even scraggly old plumbers. It's because I built it up from love. The drug did not take that part away from me.

I sleep all through the night now and I don't sigh as often. I take walks in the park and I invite the neighbors for tea.

I could be with a man if I wanted, I have the necessary ingredients to have dates. But I am still sad. I am not myself yet.

My grief has deepened me and I am more serious now, as you are. I was touched by life's dark side......It changes us. I was always so silly and youthful. But my experience loving a drug addict wiped out the last wisps of innocence.

You will be better. You will plant flowers and make a new home and because life is like the seasons, your winter will end and spring will come. My life has little buds of green, so I can promise you that.

Love.
Bluejay

Piglet123

I can't say that I understand your sorrow through my own experience, but I didn't want to read and not respond.

I am very sorry that you have to let go of some cherished dreams. I know you will be able to find some new ones, but that will take time, and knowing that doesn't help much right now.

Can you go out and treat yourself to something small- perhaps a print, an ornament or something- for you to save for your new home? Something that symbolizes a new start, or strength, or whatever is meaningful for you?

imallright

Thank you all. As I primp and dress up the house for sale, I am thinking each time I buy or find something that it will look great in my new home too. That is helping me. It hurts to make this place look so pretty and know that I have to leave. I also keep thinking about how happy a young family could be here. It's a great location to raise kids and to be a happy family... just so happens that my "happy" family didn't get to stay as long as I would have liked.

New beginnings... good thing but it does mean getting closure to the old stuff... sometimes painful.