Nikki2003

I can't beleive he would hurt his kids like that. My AH had a visit scheduled for 4:30-5 yesterday. The kids have not seen or talked to him since Christmas. They didn't know about the visit till they were taken to social services. Well he never showed. He phoned at quarter too 5 to say he could not make it. The kids were already there and expecting him. Dedrick(my 4yr old) was so hurt. How could he do that to them. He could have phoned at 4 before the kids were taken to social services and they would then have never known. But of course he could never think of that. He had to do something where they would expect him and be hurt that he never followed through. Typical for him. Can never count on him to do anything responsible. Too wrapped up in himself and his girlfriend and her family to even think about his own flesh and blood and their feelings.

And to add insult to injuy. A police officer just called me early yesterday afternoon. My AH was in town yesterday for court. Why I have no idea. Anyway he called the police station and said "I need you to give me my wifes address because I know she has some of my mail." WHAT. He actually thought the police would give him my address. THere is a no contact order in place where he can't contact me directly or indirectly. I am not getting any of his mail because when I moved(while he was in jail in April) and was still recieving his mail I took it to the post office and told them we are no longer together and they were only supose to change my address. Not his. So they took his mail, fixed things in the computer and now I do not recieve his mail. So he is still trying to find out where I am. Which scares me. He has his girlfriend to keep him busy. He is not supose to be looking for me. The police took all the info and will be contacting the post office to confirm. But they assured me that they will not give out my address. They will be telling him to change his address and pick up his mail himself from the post office. I just wish he would stop trying to find me.

My therapist has told me that it is all a control tactic. He wants to keep some type of control on me. I wish I could not have any contact with him at all. But I know this is only the beginning. I will have to be helping the kids through the painful reality that he is not to be depended on. Am I angry? very. I can't stand that he hurt the kids the way he has. It is one thing to do what he does to an adult who can just walk away. But a whole other factor to do it to your own child who has no choice and can't understand and think they did something wrong. I feel at such a loss as to how to protect them from this.

ventuhome

NIkki, I'm glad that you are protecting your kids by having the no contact order. I'm sorry that your ex hurt your kids' feelings. I'm glad that your kids still have YOU taking care of them. Be sure that social services documented his no-show.

Freedom1990

Nikki, I am so sorry your children were let down. I know you were concerned about him showing up with the new girlfriend, or discussing her with your children.

The fact that social services is supervising the visits, and no-shows will be documented I'm sure will be in your favor in the long run.

Continue to love those kids, let them know that it has nothing to do with them. It is possible to raise kids without an active father in their lives.

The father of my 21 year old daughter has been sober in AA 33+ years, and took one measly year out of his life to get to know her, and then it trickled off to nothing.

Irresponsible parenting isn't just limited to active addicts, hon.

Your kids will see through the years which parent was there for them emotionally and physically.

:ghug

Nikki2003

Right now he has to have supervised visits at the social services building. That is the only requirement they have as to his visits. But that can change if he does not follow through with the other requirements which is parenting classes, anger management courses, AADAC threatment for his addictions, urine tests when requested, and following the terms of his probation. Which is a long list in and of itself.

Nikki2003

My lawyer is keeping track of everything to do just as you stated. No he is not even working on any of the requirements. He has not done any of them. He is supose to see the kids at least a couple of times a month. This was the first visit he set up. He chose not to set up any other visits or even call the kids.

Ann

I hope your lawyer can work something that he will not be allowed to try this again until he has all those other things in place and he can show that he is responsible.

This is emotional abuse to the children and, I would hope, not acceptable.

Hugs to you and prayers for all of you.

Suspicious

I am very sorry for you that your kids got let down.

(((Nikki)))

cassandra2

Sorry to hear about your situation and also for your kids. They just dont understand like we do and that makes it harder for them.

When I got divorced my divorce order stated that the ex had to go to anger management classes for 24 weeks, drug tests weekly, and supervised visits. I was lucky the judge put it in the ex's hands as to setting up the supervised visits. He had to have 2 clean drug tests and then could call this number and set up the visitations.

He never did. I thought the judge in my case was BRILLIANT. She probably saw right through him and knew he had no follow through and set it up that way. My kids are so better off without him in their lives.

Maybe talk to your lawyer and see if there is something the judge could add or stipulate especially if he continues to blow off the visitation. He is providing a good case for that already. By making him jump through hoops to see the kids will really weed out the ones that are just using the innocent kids for pawns and the REAL fathers that want to be in their kids' lives.