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06-14-2009, 06:36 AM

# 21 (permalink)

justtired

aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 364

Quote:

Honey, you are the only one who was open in that talk. He was hustling.

Crap. You're right. I was hustled. You know, I thought it was a good thing that lines of communication were more open, but I really thought he was being open with me too. It made me feel like we were going to get somewhere and make progress. I don't think so anymore. HE'S the one that keeps saying that he just wants us to be honest with each other, and I believed him.

06-14-2009, 06:53 AM

# 22 (permalink)

justtired

aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 364

Quote:

It sounds like his addiction and all that goes along, with that, is the focal point of your life, right now.

Is this acceptable to you?

You're right, it really is the focal point and no, that is not at all acceptable to me. I need to figure out what the heck to do. How much time to allow him to try to figure this out. I am going to be 32 years old tomorrow. I put my life on hold (getting married and having kids) to start a business with him. We wanted to be comfortable business-wise and financially) before starting a family and I was okay with that because it meant I'd be able to stay home with our kids. I'm grateful that we did hold off now because otherwise we would have been married and possibly had kids already. I think HP is looking out for me. I do think though, that if I leave it will take time for me to meet someone and then it takes time to get to know them etc. it'll probably be years for me to re-build my life. In that amount of time abf might "get it" and we could carry on with life as-planned. I don't know how much time to give him and when to give up and move on. I have a lot riding on my decision as I want a family and I'm certainly not going to get any younger!

06-14-2009, 07:03 AM

# 23 (permalink)

justtired

aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 364

Quote:

It is a real shame that you aren't wanting to make plans for your birthday because of abf's drug usage. I've been where you are. I know what it is like to be afraid to make plans because you don't know where your abf will be in his drug usage. My advice is to make your own plans with your friends. You can still tell your abf what you want to do for your birthday. You need to make your needs heard. It is so easy to get to where you are no longer asking for what you need. However, your birthday should be special, so make some special plans. What would you like to do? Do you have friends that you could get together with for dinner or something else?

Well, abf managed to get more pills from his doc so all is "fine" in that respect. I would actually rather make plans with friends and leave him out. I'd probably have more fun. I was planning on doing something this weekend, but all the things I want to do are outdoors and require a lot of walking and abf has a bum knee. He did say he'd do whatever I want anyway. I don't really feel like doing anything this weekend anymore. He woke up coughing up blood last night which is probably not good. I'm feeling deflated and not in a celebratory mood. Maybe I'll try to make some plans for next weekend instead.

06-14-2009, 07:14 AM

# 24 (permalink)

justtired

aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 364

Quote:

Ya know, last night, he came home at dinner and had a rageing headache, so bad that he had to have the house 'quiet' and couldn't eat.

Then I went to work, and worked till 3 in the a.m. This morning, he was up, running around, waking me UP...... then got pissed because i was being a biatch---

Wow does this sound familiar. abf and I got into a fight yesterday because he came in the night before at 3:30 in the morning and... very loudly... apologized for coming in so late (and proceeded to go on and on). I ignored him because for one, I don't care anymore, and two, I was trying to SLEEP. So he then got up and went to the couch. Of course I was the one who was rude for ignoring him because all he was doing was trying to apologize!

It's nice to hear similar stories. Makes me feel not quite so crazy!

06-14-2009, 07:34 AM

# 25 (permalink)

justtired

aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 364

Quote:

Today I am so THANKFUL for that relapse. Because right before he relapsed he was saying he could CONTROL the pills. He said that he was at a point where he knew he had a problem with the pills and because he knew that he could do better this time around.

Does that makes sense? HELL NO. But what can you do. He really had to prove to himself that he didnt have control. He needed to learn that for himself. So in the process of trying to control it he did many different things to "control" using the pills.

Yep, this sounds all too familiar. This is abf's third try at "controlling" them. I was okay with abf trying the pill keeper thing again to hopefully allow him to see that he can't control them. He told me yesterday that i mislead him because I said i was okay with him using the pill box. I told him that I was okay with him trying it, not that him saying he's going to do it was going to magically make things all better. My abf, like yours, needs to see this for himself. I hope he can see it like your abf did, but I'm starting to think he might need to hit bottom.

What was your abf's relapse like? Because my abf, I would say, is relapsed and not admitting anything. He has health problems that he will not admit are caused from drug abuse. I just don't know what will make him see it. I hate to think he's going to have to hit bottom, but I don't know what else will do it.