OT (sort of) - a bit of an update (long)
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
OT (sort of) - a bit of an update (long)
I haven't been around as much, and wanted to explain why.
Instead of listening to the great people here, who told me to get into counseling after the robbery I went through at work, I thought I could get through it on my own.
I actually was doing pretty good, until the robbers were arrested, I found out I knew them, and that the one who hit me with the gun, went out the next day and beat 4 people to death, including a 15-year-old child.
I had been a bit "on edge" but after that, I was REALLY on edge. The fact that they were locked up, didn't "cure" this like I thought it would.
I have overreacted to things I shouldn't, I'm exhausted all the time, though I keep working the 2 jobs. I ran out of the anti-d's my dr. has been so great about supplying me with samples all this time (since Oct.) because I felt guity about getting them from him, and just decided I didn't need them. They were given to me for the scattered thoughts, I never have needed them for depression. I was already climbing the walls with anxiety and tension, so I don't know WTF I was thinking. Throw a little pms in there and I was a basket case.
I saw both my dr's on Wed...my gp and the neuro dr. who handles my migraines (for a followup). My dr. got restocked up on my anti-d's and said he will do whatever he has to,to keep me in stock. I had gone through a list of insurance approved psych dr's, as I KNOW I need a therapist, and he pointed to one he knows and likes. I was given a month's supply of something for my nerves. I had always told him I would NEVER ask him for this unless I was at my wit's end...I was.
My neuro dr just happened to have more of my anti'd samples and gave me another month's supply. When I told hiim what was going on and that I was going to see a counselor, he got a big grin on his face, shook my hand and said "Amy, you are amazing. You do exactly what you need to do". That was nice..he just doesn't realize it takes me forever to do it.
The best thing is, when I got home and was telling Brit about this, she started asking me questions. I've been trying to get her into counseling for 5 years, and she has adamantly refused. That night she said "I want to go, too". We talked about it, she cried, and said that she wanted to do it earlier, but "forgot". I told her "baby, you're like me...you think you're tough and can deal with stuff on your own. We ARE tough, but sometimes we need a little help". I pulled up some counselors she could check out.
The next day she called me (I was working my 2nd job), and she had an appt. the next day. She was SOOO excited, and before she hung up, she said "Amy, we're gonna get better!! We're gonna be okay!!"
I came home and made the appt. for MY dr., which is on June 3. Guess where she works? The same place where Brit is going. Coincidence? Nah, I don't think so.
Sorry this is so long, but I know I haven't been around with much ES&H and I apologize.
Brit has invited me to a concert next month (we listen to the same kind of music) and I'm taking a night off work to go. I need to do something fun. I've also decided we are going to a beach, somewhere on one of my 3-day weekends.
Baby steps, that's what I'm doing. I should have listened to all of you, way back when, when you advised me to get counseling, but I didn't.
The good thing is, I haven't used, and I've even managed to stay not smoking for 7 weeks.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Instead of listening to the great people here, who told me to get into counseling after the robbery I went through at work, I thought I could get through it on my own.
I actually was doing pretty good, until the robbers were arrested, I found out I knew them, and that the one who hit me with the gun, went out the next day and beat 4 people to death, including a 15-year-old child.
I had been a bit "on edge" but after that, I was REALLY on edge. The fact that they were locked up, didn't "cure" this like I thought it would.
I have overreacted to things I shouldn't, I'm exhausted all the time, though I keep working the 2 jobs. I ran out of the anti-d's my dr. has been so great about supplying me with samples all this time (since Oct.) because I felt guity about getting them from him, and just decided I didn't need them. They were given to me for the scattered thoughts, I never have needed them for depression. I was already climbing the walls with anxiety and tension, so I don't know WTF I was thinking. Throw a little pms in there and I was a basket case.
I saw both my dr's on Wed...my gp and the neuro dr. who handles my migraines (for a followup). My dr. got restocked up on my anti-d's and said he will do whatever he has to,to keep me in stock. I had gone through a list of insurance approved psych dr's, as I KNOW I need a therapist, and he pointed to one he knows and likes. I was given a month's supply of something for my nerves. I had always told him I would NEVER ask him for this unless I was at my wit's end...I was.
My neuro dr just happened to have more of my anti'd samples and gave me another month's supply. When I told hiim what was going on and that I was going to see a counselor, he got a big grin on his face, shook my hand and said "Amy, you are amazing. You do exactly what you need to do". That was nice..he just doesn't realize it takes me forever to do it.
The best thing is, when I got home and was telling Brit about this, she started asking me questions. I've been trying to get her into counseling for 5 years, and she has adamantly refused. That night she said "I want to go, too". We talked about it, she cried, and said that she wanted to do it earlier, but "forgot". I told her "baby, you're like me...you think you're tough and can deal with stuff on your own. We ARE tough, but sometimes we need a little help". I pulled up some counselors she could check out.
The next day she called me (I was working my 2nd job), and she had an appt. the next day. She was SOOO excited, and before she hung up, she said "Amy, we're gonna get better!! We're gonna be okay!!"
I came home and made the appt. for MY dr., which is on June 3. Guess where she works? The same place where Brit is going. Coincidence? Nah, I don't think so.
Sorry this is so long, but I know I haven't been around with much ES&H and I apologize.
Brit has invited me to a concert next month (we listen to the same kind of music) and I'm taking a night off work to go. I need to do something fun. I've also decided we are going to a beach, somewhere on one of my 3-day weekends.
Baby steps, that's what I'm doing. I should have listened to all of you, way back when, when you advised me to get counseling, but I didn't.
The good thing is, I haven't used, and I've even managed to stay not smoking for 7 weeks.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Wow Amy! That is alot of stuff. You are handling your life so well now and I'm most proud of you for staying away from the smoking for 7 whole weeks. I choked. I actually have been wondering where you were off to. Sounds like you have some great docs! I'm glad Brit is coming around. You are such a good influence and witness for her.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
thanks for the update Amy and I am so glad you have reached a place to take care of you. I'm extra proud that even with all thins your still an ex smoker.
The fact that your actions influence and encourage your neice is a wonderful thing !!!!
The fact that your actions influence and encourage your neice is a wonderful thing !!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I was wondering what was up with you. Amy I have a lot of confidence that even if things get tough you are going to make it becuase you are one tough lady. Dont let your toughness get the best of you - its sometimes harder for us to ask for help - it just doesnt come easy because its not in our nature but honey everyone needs help.
I saw an old friend of mine today. He just celebrated 15 years sober. He told me about his life and what was going on. He described helping family members out who are having a tough time financially, how he is sponsering a few young people, wants to help my son, working hard, doing everything he's supposed to do. I finally looked him in the eye and said so besides all these people you are helping out what are you doing these days that you enjoy for yourself. He really stumbled over his words trying to find something. He is a wonderful guy and is there for everyone but has no one in his life that is giving back to him. He kinda reminds me of you - giving a lot, working hard but maybe not having much coming back to you. I like your plans, counseling and the beach will make Amy a new woman!!!!
Remember you have my number - call me anytime!
I saw an old friend of mine today. He just celebrated 15 years sober. He told me about his life and what was going on. He described helping family members out who are having a tough time financially, how he is sponsering a few young people, wants to help my son, working hard, doing everything he's supposed to do. I finally looked him in the eye and said so besides all these people you are helping out what are you doing these days that you enjoy for yourself. He really stumbled over his words trying to find something. He is a wonderful guy and is there for everyone but has no one in his life that is giving back to him. He kinda reminds me of you - giving a lot, working hard but maybe not having much coming back to you. I like your plans, counseling and the beach will make Amy a new woman!!!!
Remember you have my number - call me anytime!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Amy it took me ten years before I went into counseling for my PTSD. I took a five year break before going back for more in depth therapy, took another break, and here I am again. This time I know better and I'm leaving no stones unturned.
The way I see it, your recovery has definitely helped you become more honest with yourself and in tune with your needs. Keep on keeping on!
The way I see it, your recovery has definitely helped you become more honest with yourself and in tune with your needs. Keep on keeping on!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm so glad you are taking care of yourself Amy. Sit back, just breathe...We love you and want you healthy, so just relax and let others carry the weight for awhile. Just take care of you...What a concept! 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
Congrats on the not smoking!! If you are using chantix by any chance, be very careful of the psych. side effects as they can come on at any time with that...but still its a miracle kind of drug for quitting. also one thing I learned the hard way (over and over - more like the hard-headed way)... never stop a psych med cold turkey - always wean off it slow!! I don't have any experience with PTSD but I know about quitting smoking, staying clean, and psych meds!
take care,
sleepy
take care,
sleepy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks everyone!
((Sleepy)) - I used the patches to quit smoking, and weaned down on those. When I had taken anti-d's before, when my g'pa, mom, and Brit's mom had all died within 5 years and I was a bit overwhelmed, I just quit (I was on Prozac) and had no problem, so didn't think I would this time either.
Another lesson learned the hard way....sigh.
BTW, I'm also taking courses in school for Health Information Tech. I can use my medical knowledge, get another assoc. degree, and get a decent job while I decide whether I want to jump through the hoops and go through some major expenses to get my nursing license back. I haven't given up on it, just looking at other options.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Sleepy)) - I used the patches to quit smoking, and weaned down on those. When I had taken anti-d's before, when my g'pa, mom, and Brit's mom had all died within 5 years and I was a bit overwhelmed, I just quit (I was on Prozac) and had no problem, so didn't think I would this time either.
Another lesson learned the hard way....sigh.
BTW, I'm also taking courses in school for Health Information Tech. I can use my medical knowledge, get another assoc. degree, and get a decent job while I decide whether I want to jump through the hoops and go through some major expenses to get my nursing license back. I haven't given up on it, just looking at other options.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Hey Amy,
Sounds like your keeping it together...... with a lot of stuff on your plate. I was wondering where you've been, I missed ya-- and your great words of wisdom... I had no idea that happend to you.
Thank God you are o.k.....
Take some time for you, and my hugs to you....
Love,
Cess
Sounds like your keeping it together...... with a lot of stuff on your plate. I was wondering where you've been, I missed ya-- and your great words of wisdom... I had no idea that happend to you.
Thank God you are o.k.....
Take some time for you, and my hugs to you....
Love,
Cess
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Amy, one of the many things I always remember that my sponsor taught me is that the first of the 12 steps says, "WE". We do not have to do recovery alone and recovery is not meant to be worked alone.
Sometimes I need meetings, sometimes I need one-on-one help, sometimes I need to listen to my solid, recovering friends. This thing I do know: I NEED fellow recovering people to walk this road with. And I NEED the advice of those, professionals or recovering folks, to help me along when my brain gets out of whack.
I'm so thankful you are reaching out for some help. You are one, smart woman! I see better days ahead for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Hangin' In
Sometimes I need meetings, sometimes I need one-on-one help, sometimes I need to listen to my solid, recovering friends. This thing I do know: I NEED fellow recovering people to walk this road with. And I NEED the advice of those, professionals or recovering folks, to help me along when my brain gets out of whack.
I'm so thankful you are reaching out for some help. You are one, smart woman! I see better days ahead for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Hangin' In
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so relieved you are getting counseling. Nobody can go through what you went through without some emotional long term damage and reaching out for help is a healthy choice.
And how wonderful that your niece has learned from you and is heading for counseling too.
You know, some people think that people who seek counseling or see psychiatrists must be "crazy". I say it's a healthy way of taking care of ourselves and that the people who DON'T reach out when they need to are the ones who have a bigger problem than they think.
Keeping you in my prayers and I just know that this is going to do wonders for your peace of mind.
Hugs
And how wonderful that your niece has learned from you and is heading for counseling too.
You know, some people think that people who seek counseling or see psychiatrists must be "crazy". I say it's a healthy way of taking care of ourselves and that the people who DON'T reach out when they need to are the ones who have a bigger problem than they think.
Keeping you in my prayers and I just know that this is going to do wonders for your peace of mind.
Hugs
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
(((Amy))) I'm glad you made the decisions to reach out and get some help. I have been worried about you, always on the go, the robbery haunting you, trying to help Brit all the while having StepMonster stumbling around like some, well, you know. lol When did taking care of Amy come in? I imagine keeping busy was your way of trying not to think about the robbery, but I'm glad you realized that burying it inside only kept it there in your mind.
Going back to school sounds like a fantastic idea. I hope you don't misunderstand what I'm going to say, but you have way to much to offer to stay in the line of work you have been doing. It's exhausting work, I did it for many years and there's always boneheads to deal with, either other employees or customers. Maybe God doesn't mean for you to get back into Nursing, who are we to question what He has in mind for us. But with the compassion you have for others, I think you definately belong in the medical field.
I don't think it's a coincidence that you and Brit will be going to the same place, just too darn ironic. Sure sounds like this is meant to be for the both of you. It's wonderful that she has decided to go to counseling as well. She's had a lot to deal with, especially for someone her age. By you turning your life around like you have is such a positive example that she definately needs in her life, especially in her teen years.
And still not smoking! Wow! That is beyond incredible! I'm so proud of you. BTW, I've been on Prozac for many years and it does me a world of good. I can't "tell" when I'm on it, but I sure do see a difference when I'm not. And believe me, others do too. And the fact that both docs had samples isn't just a coincidence either.
BTW, what beach should I meet you and Brit at and when? lol I sure could use a girl's weekend too. . . anywhere, I don't care!
Love Ya Girl,
Judy
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
The good thing is, I haven't used, and I've even managed to stay not smoking for 7 weeks.
Having a crime committed against you is a very big deal. It is such a boundary violation. It tears open the unseen body that surrounds and protects you and it can be very serious and cause all kinds of illness. I am glad you are being treated.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Daisy)) - I LOVE your avatar
Thanks everyone!! Brit really liked her first counseling session, I haven't had mine yet. We had talked about maybe, just maybe with US going, dad would be the next one to consider going. Well, lo and behold, he said this morning he needs to check his insurance to see if it covers it as he knows he needs counseling. He's said this before, but that's as far as he's gone...maybe he will actually DO something this time. He's got a lot on his plate, too, and I can't help him.
I've enjoyed my extra days off work, and slept a lot, did some studying..stuff I never have time to do. I bought the tickets for the concert Brit and I are going to, so I officially have something FUN to look forward to. Will have to make a little more money before we head off to the beach.
((Judy)) I am going back into healtcare, one way or another. That's why I'm trying to stay on top of my school..this degree will open more doors.
I am getting back to feeling like myself, though not all the way yet. I really should pay Anvil therapy fees as she's been my sounding board through all of this and without telling me what to do, has made some subtle suggestions (yes, Anvil CAN be subtle) that got me to do what I needed to do. That, of course, along with reading here every day, even when I didn't post. As always, I am grateful to you all for helping me find my way back.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Thanks everyone!! Brit really liked her first counseling session, I haven't had mine yet. We had talked about maybe, just maybe with US going, dad would be the next one to consider going. Well, lo and behold, he said this morning he needs to check his insurance to see if it covers it as he knows he needs counseling. He's said this before, but that's as far as he's gone...maybe he will actually DO something this time. He's got a lot on his plate, too, and I can't help him.
I've enjoyed my extra days off work, and slept a lot, did some studying..stuff I never have time to do. I bought the tickets for the concert Brit and I are going to, so I officially have something FUN to look forward to. Will have to make a little more money before we head off to the beach.
((Judy)) I am going back into healtcare, one way or another. That's why I'm trying to stay on top of my school..this degree will open more doors.
I am getting back to feeling like myself, though not all the way yet. I really should pay Anvil therapy fees as she's been my sounding board through all of this and without telling me what to do, has made some subtle suggestions (yes, Anvil CAN be subtle) that got me to do what I needed to do. That, of course, along with reading here every day, even when I didn't post. As always, I am grateful to you all for helping me find my way back.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Optimist
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 486
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
(((Daisy)) - I LOVE your avatar
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
(yes, Anvil CAN be subtle)
You, too, have been a great help recently...Thanks, Amy & Anvil (and, of course, everyone else who's been so good to me!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
The greatest gift SR and the wonderful people here have given me is balance...I may hear things I don't want to hear, and when I first came here they seemed a little harsh, but it was always balanced out with others who were a bit softer, although the message seemed to be very similar.
To me, there is just a huge amount of comfort in knowing I'm not alone; that someone else understands exactly what I'm going through.
It was ((Chino)) who first gave me first-hand info on PTSD, ((Laurie)) who showed me where to look for help, ((Grateful)) who has continued to help me with PTSD, and many, many others who have always been there, ready to reach out a hand.
I know things have gotten a little heated around here, on a few threads, but I hope we can remember that some of us are just really passionate about saving others the heartbreak we went through, and we get frustrated. It's not an excuse, it's just a fact. We're human, and I've been guilty of it, so try not to post when I get that way. Funny thing is, I was the one everyone was frustrated WITH 20 years ago.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
To me, there is just a huge amount of comfort in knowing I'm not alone; that someone else understands exactly what I'm going through.
It was ((Chino)) who first gave me first-hand info on PTSD, ((Laurie)) who showed me where to look for help, ((Grateful)) who has continued to help me with PTSD, and many, many others who have always been there, ready to reach out a hand.
I know things have gotten a little heated around here, on a few threads, but I hope we can remember that some of us are just really passionate about saving others the heartbreak we went through, and we get frustrated. It's not an excuse, it's just a fact. We're human, and I've been guilty of it, so try not to post when I get that way. Funny thing is, I was the one everyone was frustrated WITH 20 years ago.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Just wanted to let you know you are in my prayers and to tell you that the real miracle is that with all of this that has happened with you you are still CLEAN!!!
Proud of you Amy......Things are already getting better for you. Have fun at your concert with Brit,.....
Proud of you Amy......Things are already getting better for you. Have fun at your concert with Brit,.....
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