My brother is having a VERY hard time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rochester NH
Posts: 109
My brother is having a VERY hard time
He has been clean 7 months, but all of his clean time has been in a facility, first treatment, then jail, hes been out of jail 4 days and he is having a real hard time, he is paroled to my mothers house and its not where he should be because of the area, he knows everyone, who does what who has what and its SO hard on him...hes been going to the gym, 2 meetings a day and looking for a job with NO luck and he is stressed out bad, he is the type of person that has to be doing something 24/7 or he will be thinking about using, He does NOT want to use he was crying last night to me because of the cravings, he wants to get into a halfway house but all the ones we called say you have to come right from detox or right from jail ( he didnt know that when he was in jail) He is a mess and his mind is working overtime and his anxiety is off the wall......he told me he knows if he doesnt get into a program or have something to do daily he is going to mess up, he says he knows his mind and knows this is the begining of a relapse..........meetings use to help him, right now they are not......Im worried sick, and so scared for him. I live 2 hrs away and I dont drive so i cant just get there if he needed me, id have to take a bus and pack for my son and I.........I dont know how to help him and he says right now he has NO idea what to do to help himself, hes a nervous wreck and needs help..........I just needed to vent........thank you for listening!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
If he's attending meetings, he's found a support system. Whether he takes advantage of that by getting a sponsor, working the steps, and hanging with the people in recovery is his choice.
Life is stressful. We all have stress, and no one is running up to our doorsteps in a panic, asking if we need help.
When I got out of a 30 day rehab, I had to go to work full-time to support myself and my then 8 year old daughter. I had to pay my bills, put food on the table, and be responsible for my own recovery. The bottom line was I wanted to stay clean more than I wanted to get high, so I did what I needed to do for my recovery.
Your brother is an adult. If his situation is creating this much chaos in your mind, then perhaps you should consider no contact at this point.
It is NOT your job to rescue him, to 'prevent' him relapsing, to protect him from the big bad world we all have to live in.
:ghug :ghug :ghug
Life is stressful. We all have stress, and no one is running up to our doorsteps in a panic, asking if we need help.
When I got out of a 30 day rehab, I had to go to work full-time to support myself and my then 8 year old daughter. I had to pay my bills, put food on the table, and be responsible for my own recovery. The bottom line was I wanted to stay clean more than I wanted to get high, so I did what I needed to do for my recovery.
Your brother is an adult. If his situation is creating this much chaos in your mind, then perhaps you should consider no contact at this point.
It is NOT your job to rescue him, to 'prevent' him relapsing, to protect him from the big bad world we all have to live in.
:ghug :ghug :ghug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rochester NH
Posts: 109
He does not have a sponser as of yet, he has went to meetings 3days in a row 2 a day but all different places, he tried to contact the sponser he had before with No luck. Im not trying to rescue him ( or at least i didnt think i was) i just want him to be ok, hes my best friend and as long as hes clean and trying to stay that way id do anything I can for him.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Here's a place for him to really start looking:
Google
There is also Odyssey House:
OdysseyNH
And if that one is full, check surrounding areas (states). There are Odyssey Houses in almost every state in the Union and some states have several.
Hope that helps.
Those two sites are for HIM to check out, NOT you. Your brother has the tools, yes he is scared, that is part of early recovery. However, please remember part of the old ways are to 'whine' and 'play victim' in the hopes of others doing for the A what they can do for themselves. He knows he can ask someone to be a 'temporary sponsor.' But he has to ask AND he has to follow the directions given him.
I know you love your brother, but this is the time to NOT try and get in their and FIX IT.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
There is also Odyssey House:
OdysseyNH
And if that one is full, check surrounding areas (states). There are Odyssey Houses in almost every state in the Union and some states have several.
Hope that helps.
Those two sites are for HIM to check out, NOT you. Your brother has the tools, yes he is scared, that is part of early recovery. However, please remember part of the old ways are to 'whine' and 'play victim' in the hopes of others doing for the A what they can do for themselves. He knows he can ask someone to be a 'temporary sponsor.' But he has to ask AND he has to follow the directions given him.
I know you love your brother, but this is the time to NOT try and get in their and FIX IT.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Nichole: step back and take some deep breaths. You've been a member since oct 2008, so you have some education under your belt.
It's not part of God's plan for your brother that you would be a nervous wreck over his recovery.
Perhaps when he calls and vents to you, you could gently but strongly rebuff that by telling him he knows by now, after 7 months in rehab, where he needs to be right now - not on the phone with his sister but planting himself at meetings - it sounds like he lives in a populated enough area to be going to 6 meetings a day. And there is probably a "club" (here it's called "Alano Club") that is a hangout place for recovering addicts to play pool, socialize, etc., but also has umpteen AA meetings every day from morning to night.
At any rate, he KNOWS he is not to look for his recovery in his sister. Yes, you are enabling him by allowing him to do that instead of gently insisting that he take his recovery issues to others in AA.
Keep coming here, go to meetings yourself, and pray...
It's not part of God's plan for your brother that you would be a nervous wreck over his recovery.
Perhaps when he calls and vents to you, you could gently but strongly rebuff that by telling him he knows by now, after 7 months in rehab, where he needs to be right now - not on the phone with his sister but planting himself at meetings - it sounds like he lives in a populated enough area to be going to 6 meetings a day. And there is probably a "club" (here it's called "Alano Club") that is a hangout place for recovering addicts to play pool, socialize, etc., but also has umpteen AA meetings every day from morning to night.
At any rate, he KNOWS he is not to look for his recovery in his sister. Yes, you are enabling him by allowing him to do that instead of gently insisting that he take his recovery issues to others in AA.
Keep coming here, go to meetings yourself, and pray...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: rochester NH
Posts: 109
he wasnt in rehab for 7 months he was in jail, he did rehab for 30 days. And not 6 meetings a day, 2 meetings a day.
also he is in mass not NH but I will give him the info you have me.....thank you!
also he is in mass not NH but I will give him the info you have me.....thank you!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
I've noticed that sometimes when someone is clinging to the edge, getting upset with them only escalates matters.
Right now, the best thing you may be able to offer him is hope...in that he has the tools to handle this himself, and that he should be proud of himself for how far he has come.
Maybe his PO could give hima few numbers for halfway houses?
I wish him the best...and of course you too (((nichole)))
Right now, the best thing you may be able to offer him is hope...in that he has the tools to handle this himself, and that he should be proud of himself for how far he has come.
Maybe his PO could give hima few numbers for halfway houses?
I wish him the best...and of course you too (((nichole)))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Nichole)))
I'm sorry you're struggling, but it really is HIS struggle. As others have pointed out, he could be going to more than 2 meetings a day, he could find another sponsor, even a temporary one, he could spend a set number of hours/day toward finding a job.
I'm a recovering addict and when I chose recovery, I honestly just did whatever I had to do to stay clean. The people in my life who are not addicts, but are the most supportive, helped me tremendously by simply saying "I love you, and I'm sure you can figure out a solution while staying clean"
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry you're struggling, but it really is HIS struggle. As others have pointed out, he could be going to more than 2 meetings a day, he could find another sponsor, even a temporary one, he could spend a set number of hours/day toward finding a job.
I'm a recovering addict and when I chose recovery, I honestly just did whatever I had to do to stay clean. The people in my life who are not addicts, but are the most supportive, helped me tremendously by simply saying "I love you, and I'm sure you can figure out a solution while staying clean"
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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