Preparing to Tell my Story
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Preparing to Tell my Story
My wonderful supportive friends,
On Saturday April 18, at 1:00 pm, I will be the Al-Anon speaker at the Lake Area Round-Up AA Convention in Lake Charles, LA.
The Committee Chair asked me to be the speaker in July 2008, I had no idea the path that my life would take and where I would be at this point in my life. I have been taught by my Sponsors to always respond to Service Work with a "Yes" and let God lead you thru the duty.
So in 3 weeks, I will be standing before a large group of people, some of who know both my ex AH and I, attempting to share my e, s, and h. Some of these people have no idea the things that my ex has done over the past few years. They only know the "playing" recovery side of him. They have no clue about the things that have occured in our lives.
I know this is MY story to tell and I need to share about how I have been affected by this disease. It's not about him but about me. BUT there will be details about my life that will be revealed in order to share this path that my God has walked with me, healed me and is continuing to be with me as I endure. These details of course are not the most positive details about him and he still denies that they ever happened.
So, I guess what I'm struggling with is to find the BALANCE of what will need to be shared and what will not need to be shared. I truly don't feel any need to protect "him" in any way. But what I do what to share is a story of MY recovery. Not a story of accusations, blames and mud slinging.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers that when I share - I am able to tell the facts of what happened, how I was affected and how I am able to use the tools of the program to process the emotions, pains and allow the God of my understand to heal the scars and guide me to a path of New Life.
I really want those to know that even tho the outside of my life may even appear to be much worse since I have physically left my ex, the inside joy, peace and freedom of NOT living with active alcoholism/addiction beyond comparison.
I want to share that I have lost much to the disease of addiction but thru the tools of recovery, working the 12 steps, apply the Traditions to all areas of my life and a wonderful God of my understanding - I do not have to allow this disease to take anything else from me.
Thank you so much for your support and prayers - I know that as I walk up to that podium I will feel each of you with me!
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude, and serenity) to all,
Rita
:ghug
On Saturday April 18, at 1:00 pm, I will be the Al-Anon speaker at the Lake Area Round-Up AA Convention in Lake Charles, LA.
The Committee Chair asked me to be the speaker in July 2008, I had no idea the path that my life would take and where I would be at this point in my life. I have been taught by my Sponsors to always respond to Service Work with a "Yes" and let God lead you thru the duty.
So in 3 weeks, I will be standing before a large group of people, some of who know both my ex AH and I, attempting to share my e, s, and h. Some of these people have no idea the things that my ex has done over the past few years. They only know the "playing" recovery side of him. They have no clue about the things that have occured in our lives.
I know this is MY story to tell and I need to share about how I have been affected by this disease. It's not about him but about me. BUT there will be details about my life that will be revealed in order to share this path that my God has walked with me, healed me and is continuing to be with me as I endure. These details of course are not the most positive details about him and he still denies that they ever happened.
So, I guess what I'm struggling with is to find the BALANCE of what will need to be shared and what will not need to be shared. I truly don't feel any need to protect "him" in any way. But what I do what to share is a story of MY recovery. Not a story of accusations, blames and mud slinging.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers that when I share - I am able to tell the facts of what happened, how I was affected and how I am able to use the tools of the program to process the emotions, pains and allow the God of my understand to heal the scars and guide me to a path of New Life.
I really want those to know that even tho the outside of my life may even appear to be much worse since I have physically left my ex, the inside joy, peace and freedom of NOT living with active alcoholism/addiction beyond comparison.
I want to share that I have lost much to the disease of addiction but thru the tools of recovery, working the 12 steps, apply the Traditions to all areas of my life and a wonderful God of my understanding - I do not have to allow this disease to take anything else from me.
Thank you so much for your support and prayers - I know that as I walk up to that podium I will feel each of you with me!
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude, and serenity) to all,
Rita
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Rita)))
Sweetie, you are always in my prayers. You have such an awesome way of coming across with hope and gratitude, no matter how rough things are going, you will do GREAT!!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Sweetie, you are always in my prayers. You have such an awesome way of coming across with hope and gratitude, no matter how rough things are going, you will do GREAT!!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
((((Rita)))
Darn! I wish I was going to be there, I sure would love to hear your talk.
I know that you will be great, because: you have your H.P. guiding you in what to say, and you'll have all of us, in spirit sitting in the front row.
You're going to be great!
Pat yourself on the back, Rita. It's people who share their ESH that help others.
Hugs and hugs, and hugs.
Darn! I wish I was going to be there, I sure would love to hear your talk.
I know that you will be great, because: you have your H.P. guiding you in what to say, and you'll have all of us, in spirit sitting in the front row.
You're going to be great!
Pat yourself on the back, Rita. It's people who share their ESH that help others.
Hugs and hugs, and hugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Will he be there as well?
I know how seriously you take the program and i'm sure this is going to be hard - you really should talk to your sponser and those running the program to get some suggestions. Your impress me as someone who holds herself to a much higher level then most do - your sense of right and honor i really admire.
IMHO - As this is different then you sharing in your private group, I think above all what you have to remember is why you are there. If what you are sharing is not going to help anyone then it may be irrelevant facts that you should omit. If what you are sharing is true and could help others then it would not only be good for them to hear it but also freeing for you. In other threads you have said you felt that he may not be taking his recovery seriously - dont use this as a time to try to get through to him because that would not be in the right spirit of the event.
Write out what you want to say and then reread it asking yourself is this beneficial to the point i'm trying to make, is this information that must be said in order for others to understand my story, and is there any selfishness involved in revealing these facts of my life. Obviously you would never mention his name and try to say Me instead of Him as much as possible. I know this has always been hard for you having him in the same recovery groups but you might need to take another step in your detachment. Detach from how it makes him feel for you to be open, honest and to help others. When you prepare dont think about how it will make him feel to hear these things - instead think of the group that you are speaking to.
I wish that he was taking his recovery more seriously and that you could talk to him because that would make this easier but that's just not in the cards right now. In the end this may be the most freeing thing in the world for you. It maybe time for you to say these things publically without putting his needs and feelings over the needs and feelings of others. Do what is best for the program and not him personally. I know that you will enter this next challenge with the right spirit.
I know how seriously you take the program and i'm sure this is going to be hard - you really should talk to your sponser and those running the program to get some suggestions. Your impress me as someone who holds herself to a much higher level then most do - your sense of right and honor i really admire.
IMHO - As this is different then you sharing in your private group, I think above all what you have to remember is why you are there. If what you are sharing is not going to help anyone then it may be irrelevant facts that you should omit. If what you are sharing is true and could help others then it would not only be good for them to hear it but also freeing for you. In other threads you have said you felt that he may not be taking his recovery seriously - dont use this as a time to try to get through to him because that would not be in the right spirit of the event.
Write out what you want to say and then reread it asking yourself is this beneficial to the point i'm trying to make, is this information that must be said in order for others to understand my story, and is there any selfishness involved in revealing these facts of my life. Obviously you would never mention his name and try to say Me instead of Him as much as possible. I know this has always been hard for you having him in the same recovery groups but you might need to take another step in your detachment. Detach from how it makes him feel for you to be open, honest and to help others. When you prepare dont think about how it will make him feel to hear these things - instead think of the group that you are speaking to.
I wish that he was taking his recovery more seriously and that you could talk to him because that would make this easier but that's just not in the cards right now. In the end this may be the most freeing thing in the world for you. It maybe time for you to say these things publically without putting his needs and feelings over the needs and feelings of others. Do what is best for the program and not him personally. I know that you will enter this next challenge with the right spirit.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 328
What an great honor and privilege to be able to share your journey in recovery - and all the hope that goes with it - with others. I no longer look like my story - and my insides and outsides match, most of the time.
Speaker cds and tapes (I'm old!) were one of the biggest tools in my early recovery. To hear folks' stories - and know that there is a way out. During difficult times, I would play them over and over.
Will send some prayers up that day. I know that your HP will use you to touch at least one person.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Speaker cds and tapes (I'm old!) were one of the biggest tools in my early recovery. To hear folks' stories - and know that there is a way out. During difficult times, I would play them over and over.
Will send some prayers up that day. I know that your HP will use you to touch at least one person.
Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by winnie12 
Will he be there as well?
Probably try to sit on the front row and glare at me the entire time.
BUT I have a wonderful group of ladies that are driving over from Texas (from the Women's Retreat that I spoke at a couple of yrs ago) that have promised to sit up front so they can look at me and I can look at them for support. Plus my f2f home group is planning to be there for support too.
Him being there will be very unnerving but there it is again - giving someone else power over my life huh?
Gotta take back my life and NOT let this disease ruin any more of what the God of my understanding has planned and filled with many blessings.
Hey moose - I'll get you a copy of the cd if you want?
Thanks for the support!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Originally Posted by Japic05
Him being there will be very unnerving but there it is again - giving someone else power over my life huh?
I can see him sitting up close and glaring. It would almost be interesting to see what would happen to both of you if you looked him straight in the eyes and bravely said these things. I have this feeling that there may be a few things you held back on with him to protect yourself and him at the time. If you know in your heart that what he thinks cant hurt you anymore then you are going to feel free to say what needs to be said.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Why waste a minute of worrying is what I
tell myself often if i get anxious over things.
You are a STRONG woman and thru ur own
faith more strength will emerge. Then on
the other side the gifts
of Happiness,
Joyous and Freedom will be there
awaiting you as wonderful gifts you
will recieve.
My wish for you is to stand tall and
share ur story with an Openmind,
Wllingness and of course Honesty.
God Bless and Keep you in His Care.
tell myself often if i get anxious over things.
You are a STRONG woman and thru ur own
faith more strength will emerge. Then on
the other side the gifts
of Happiness, Joyous and Freedom will be there
awaiting you as wonderful gifts you
will recieve.
My wish for you is to stand tall and
share ur story with an Openmind,
Wllingness and of course Honesty.
God Bless and Keep you in His Care.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
I wish I could be there!
I know that when I speak, I always feel absolutely fabulous when I'm done. Though scared ****less before hand.
My wife has never heard my story, and she probably never will. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her hearing it. Sure, she's pretty much lived most of it, but not all. There are aspects of which she doesn't know and doesn't need to know.
I suppose it's different for the A's in this regard as there may be some of the more... what's the word... drastic measures we go through in order to get what we want at times. There's one piece of my story that involves using a needle to shoot vodka. This is something she doesn't know about and, like I said, doesn't need to know.
But this part of my story is important to share with those in recovery (my sponsor agrees with this). Very often it's necessary for us speakers to sort of qualify ourselves with our audience.
Anyway... I don't want to derail your thread with that. Best of luck. I hope it goes well.
I know that when I speak, I always feel absolutely fabulous when I'm done. Though scared ****less before hand.
My wife has never heard my story, and she probably never will. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her hearing it. Sure, she's pretty much lived most of it, but not all. There are aspects of which she doesn't know and doesn't need to know.
I suppose it's different for the A's in this regard as there may be some of the more... what's the word... drastic measures we go through in order to get what we want at times. There's one piece of my story that involves using a needle to shoot vodka. This is something she doesn't know about and, like I said, doesn't need to know.
But this part of my story is important to share with those in recovery (my sponsor agrees with this). Very often it's necessary for us speakers to sort of qualify ourselves with our audience.
Anyway... I don't want to derail your thread with that. Best of luck. I hope it goes well.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
My sponsor advised me never to plan speeches I give in the fellowship at all. She always tells me that she just asks God to guide her words. And we pray together before one of us speaks. This makes a huge difference. Don't be nervous. We are all the same.
KJ
KJ
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I listen to AA and Alanon speakers online every day, at least one. They have been my lifeline when my health issues have prevented me from getting to meetings on a regular basis!
I am so proud of you for doing this! I'd love to hear your story! :ghug :ghug :ghug
I am so proud of you for doing this! I'd love to hear your story! :ghug :ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Rita, Share your story from your heart, your God of Understanding will be your guide. I have CD's from conventions I've gone to, and for me the recovery that I hear in these, is what is most important.
I'm going to a convention the end of April, and look forward to the speakers, it's a shame it's a different one, as I would love to hear you speak.
I will be there in spirit for you.
Hugs,
Chris
I'm going to a convention the end of April, and look forward to the speakers, it's a shame it's a different one, as I would love to hear you speak.
I will be there in spirit for you.
Hugs,
Chris
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
(((Rita))) You have much to offer !
I have never lead a mtg. w/o a basic outline...Next time I lead I will take what I have heard hear and just speak in the moment.
What's your approach?
I have never been to a round-up or convention. You've motivated me to look for more opportunities.
I have never lead a mtg. w/o a basic outline...Next time I lead I will take what I have heard hear and just speak in the moment.
What's your approach?
I have never been to a round-up or convention. You've motivated me to look for more opportunities.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
((((Rita)))))
I've always found that when I speak, it is never what I thought I was going to say. In those times, my belief in my higher power's presence right there, right then, knows no bounds...I am amazed at what he helps me convey. I have no doubt you will find the same. I wish I could be there to hear you. Hugs
I've always found that when I speak, it is never what I thought I was going to say. In those times, my belief in my higher power's presence right there, right then, knows no bounds...I am amazed at what he helps me convey. I have no doubt you will find the same. I wish I could be there to hear you. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
((((((((((rita))))))))))))),
you are such an inspiration to me in my recovery - i have no doubt that whatever you do will be the right thing - i just wanted to share about my experience last wednesday in my favorite alanon meeting - the speaker has about 6 years in recovery and she shared in the most magnificent way - she started by saying that the last 20 years had plenty of nightmares but she wanted to focus on how alanon helped her in HeR recovery so she just went through the 12 steps and how she applies them to her life - it was incredible - beginners shared how they finally got IT - old timers were impressed - i could have listened to her share for hours longer - there were over 45 people in there and everyone of them was truly impressed - just a thought of how to do it...
let us know how you handle it - and as i said i have no doubt it will be awesome...
with love,
sue
you are such an inspiration to me in my recovery - i have no doubt that whatever you do will be the right thing - i just wanted to share about my experience last wednesday in my favorite alanon meeting - the speaker has about 6 years in recovery and she shared in the most magnificent way - she started by saying that the last 20 years had plenty of nightmares but she wanted to focus on how alanon helped her in HeR recovery so she just went through the 12 steps and how she applies them to her life - it was incredible - beginners shared how they finally got IT - old timers were impressed - i could have listened to her share for hours longer - there were over 45 people in there and everyone of them was truly impressed - just a thought of how to do it...
let us know how you handle it - and as i said i have no doubt it will be awesome...
with love,
sue
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
I wish I could be there to hear you speak. Your posts are always from the heart and filled with encouragement for working the program for your own recovery.
If there is a recording made, please share how we can obtain a copy because I would love to have it.
Good luck and I know your HP will guide you to say what needs to be said on that day.
If there is a recording made, please share how we can obtain a copy because I would love to have it.
Good luck and I know your HP will guide you to say what needs to be said on that day.
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