jan123

Thinking of you, and sending you hugs and prayers.

Jan

Sunflowers

I'm going to disagree here. My addicted sister was raised the exact same way I was. We were not a church going family, but we were raised with a very real and very value laden morals system. Her choice to use drugs did not come from her upbringing, but I am supposing a rebellion against it. I care about my sister, yes, am I Christian? Nope. Do I have values and morals? Oh yes, most definitely! Assuming that drug addiction, and abuse only happen in homes where "good morals and solid values" are not instilled is a form of putting your head in the sand. Abuse happens at all levels of society, all socioeconomic strata, and isn't limited to the poor heathens of the world. Just yesterday I saw a documentary on meth abuse and its rise amongst who? Upper middle class, affluent, church goin' neighborhoods. So we can't say that drug abuse is a sign that the parents didn't raise their children to walk to the straight and narrow path. As parents we can raise our children up in the way they should go, but eventually the lil darlins realize that they have free will, and often they go four wheelin' off road with that free will!

Seren

Hi Winnie,

Just stopping by to offer a hug. I hope today has been a bit better. :ghug3

HG

BohemiMamaof3

My Abrother has never done the coming clean thing in all the rehabs he's been in and out of over the years. But then, he's never been sober or seemed to be working his program for any length of time. So, I was thinking when I read her original post, at least it's an honest way to start even if it's painful. It's part of him accepting responsibility and being honest after so much lying.

I also thought of those stages of grieving when I read the op. We've been through the denial stage where we didn't know what was going on. Then there is the acceptance and anger. We have to mourn the loss of the fantasy we had in our head over our addicted loved one. The hope and plans we had about their life, our relationship, etc. Then we have to adjust it to the reality of the situation.

Kübler-Ross model - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
7 STAGES OF GRIEF

winnie12

When my son was on house arrest he couldnt have friends over at all. He couldnt walk outside the house unless he was doing a chore for me. Its a priviledge to get house arrest over going to jail but its still not fun. The PO will explain the rules.

MyJoey

OUCH!!!! that is going to be a hard one. Not that I would let friends come over, but I would let this one girl he likes a lot and I know she is clean. She will not even hang out with him if he is using. I was hoping that if she could come over once in awhile it would give him something to look forward to and something I could use to hold over him to control himself while he is here.....wonder if I could just rent a room somewhere while he is here. Laughing

Nallabelle

Ok I wasnt going to comment on this again but I didnt say kids raised with morals dont do drugs. I am pretty confident though, that economic status, morals, values, religion do play a part in lowering the chances of a person abusing drugs. In CHARLOTTE, poor inner city kids in single parent house holds with less than involved parents are at a higher risk than suburbian kids raised otherwise.

cece1960

Nallabelle,
You were probably better off going with your first instinct and letting this go.

Lets stay on topic with the OP and refrain from judgement and painting addicts and thier families with one broad brush.

Drug addiction is a disease and NOT a moral defect...period.

winnie12

Nallabelle, my personal opinion from what i've seen is that the drug use is across the board. Its just that the kids in the affluent areas have parents who can afford to hire lawyers and send their kids to ritzy rehabs. I know more kids in the affluent areas with problems but they are hidden away and covered up more - you know, little Johnny got in trouble lets ship him off and let someone else deal with it - dont tell anyone or our social status may suffer. In fact in my area its the wealthy highschools that have the highest drug problems and arrests. The poorer highschools have trouble with alcohol and violence and the rich highschools have trouble with drugs because its the rich kids who can afford it.

In our drug court there is only a handful of kids from the poorer areas - the majority are from the wealthy areas and contrary to popular belief the majority are white. Now what i do see that goes along with your theories is that its the poorer kids who deal. We dont have a lot of money so for my son to get drugs he turned to dealing - he was selling to all the priviledged kids who have lots of money to burn. Once you start dealing I do think you go deeper into that world and get more bad influence on you. This is just what I've seen in my community.

Personally, I think that this hit a chord with some of us because we at one time looked at the drug addict as the homeless scum that media and tv portrays and after being involved in it we realize that the drug addict is not what we thought. It is the brother, the husband, the wife, the sister - it is all of us and it is universal. Its the dad that has one too many drinks after a hard day of work, its the smart kid who just wants to fit in, its the brother who takes meds for back pain, its the sister who just cant handle the pressure of her life, its the abused and its the priviledged, its the preachers kid (yes my own preacher's kid), its the abandoned kid - its whoever we are - addiction doesnt descriminate. Hope that explains this better and again all opinions are welcome and give us something to think about.

Sunflowers

Yes yes yes! When I heard that my sister was in jail for drugs my first instinct was WHAT? DRUGS? We're not THAT kind of family! But I've since started thinking of addiction like cancer. It doesn't discriminate. Old, young, smart, not smart, rich, poor, it really doesn't care. Thank you Winnie.