katie53

well, ad passed her pee test for her job. she says she's been clean 8 months ((6 of it in jail) she leaves tomorrow 60 mi away to live with her friend. apparently she is also clean. Why don't I feel some proudness for her? I just feel good that she will be away. She has made some very compulsive choices in the last 2 months. One was moving in with a guy she knew for 2 weeks(that's done) Now she has been talking with her old bf of 4 yrs, they used crack together, robbed me blind together, ripped off my mom together, did all the things crack addicts do. In the end they hated each other. She wanted nothing to do with him, was happy to be finally over him. Well, today she no longer is (hates) him. ,but doesn't want to be a part of his life, yet she goes over to his place to visit??? I just can't be happy for her, even with the clean pee test. I hate to admit it, but I really wish it was farther than 60 mi. I'm not angry at her, I just don't feel the way I thought I would feel. I feel I'm going to hear after awhile "I don't like it here, I miss the girls, I want to come back" she knows there is no work here for her. She was lucky to get this job as her friend put in a good word for her and did some pulling. she knows this.

sailorjohn

Maybe, I don't know 'cause I can't get in your head, her behavior is setting off alarm bells in your head? We all know addicts lie, why we observe what they do, not so much what they say.

My thoughts go out to you, I know how hard it can be to have a crack addict in your life.

katie53

Her actions are different from when I KNEW she was using. Such as being where she said she was going and doing what she said she was going to do. But what she says she is going to do, is not behavior that would fit a person in REAL recovery. 2 nites ago she called and said where she was, but didn't come home all nite. I met her at my door and told her I am not a day lounge. It's a bad example for the 14 yr gd i'm raising. If she is using, how did she get a clean pee test? do others go through this when the addict in their life quits using? I feel there has been so much lost and broken, that it can never be of years ago. Ive learned so much from the caring people on this site. sometimes even after a meeting, I will spend time just reading or posting.

Ann

Whether she is using or clean, she is making some very poor choices in her life here, and my guess is that you cannot celebrate because you can see where these bad choices will lead her, if she continues on that path.

The thing is, we don't get to make those choices for them and we don't own the consequences for the bad ones. So we can pray for them, and hope for the best for them...and then go about living OUR lives in a healthy, worry-free way.

I will keep her in my prayers too, and hope for only good things ahead.

Hugs

just for today

Katie,
I can't say whether she is really clean or not, what I can say is my son, also a crack addict passed many pee tests......they have ways and are very smart at beating the system.....

Enjoy the reprieve of her moving, sad to say it is a relief to not have their bad behavior (using or not) a part of our daily life......it gives us time to breath and work on ourselves, to gain prospective....

cece1960

Katie,
I would feel the same I think.
Using or not, you are raising her children, she's making impulsive decisions and treating your home like a day lounge.
Poor choices and behavior isn't always the result of using.
(((Hugs)))

Serenity Bound

katie, as the mom of a crack addict I understand completely. My AD has been clean 3 1/2 months, however some of her behaviors just make me want to cringe. The choices she has made and continues to make in her life are not the ones I would have made, but then they are not mine to make. We can only step out of their way and continue to work on our own recovery.

Perhaps it is good the your D is moving 60 miles away, she won't be in your face with her behaviors. Enjoy the distance, and try not to worry over tomorrow, live for today.

Hugs,
Chris

cece1960

(((Katie)))
I re-read my response and feel it may have sounded a bit judgmental.
It was not meant to be.

I've come to the point that I know I may not agree or respect some of the decisions my now adult kids make. They may choose to life their life different than I would.

Take care of you, keep hope that she will grow and learn to love in a healthy manner, and things may just change as time goes on.

Take care
(((Hugs)))