URMYEVERYTHING

Totally hits home for me... I just walk away or tell him I have to go when I'm visiting him. It's also gotten to the point where I tell him a key phrase like, "Change your thinking" or "Stinking Thinking" and that helps me to redirect the conversation with him. He usually responds to it and replies, "You're right" and the subject changes to something other than about himself.

I also learned that when he was using he came up with numerous somatic complaints (back hurts, tired, on and on and on). I have learned that is a symptom of him using. I have never heard him complain when he was sober.

I just respond to him with generic answers to his complaints like, "I hope that gets better for you" or "Wow, that sucks." I don't go into detail with him. It's become almost automatic with him. He now responds, "I know you don't want to hear my crap." And I respond, "You are catching on quick." Ha Ha.

bluejay6

I love this thread.

One book I read which helped me turn a big corner was "It's Not Okay to be a Cannibal: How to Stop Addiction From Eating Your Family Alive", written by 2 recovering drug addicts who now are interventionists.

It helped me turn a corner because the authors advocate for the FAMILY, not for the addict. There are so many books about the addict this, the addict that. But few out there that really step in and go to bat for the family being eaten alive by the addict.

Thank you for a good thread. I find I become quite exhausted by all the attention given the addict in recovery literature, and not enough to the innocent victims he or she is slowly destroying because of his or her unwillingness to put down the drug.

Bluejay
p.s. just realized this is an old thread but glad it was bumped by a responder!

Skeetermag

The whining is consistant even when he's not using. Also, he goes into great despair over all the what ifs. I can so relate to all the posters. Sometimes I just wanna tell him to shut up! And it is always all about him, his pain, his job, his boss, his whatever. I didn't know one had so many body parts that can hurt! Plus all the what if's are all so negative and truly concern him, mostly about him being able to work, earn a paycheck, etc. I shut him up mostly by saying what if u get hit by a bus or a plane tomorrow. Then you won't have to worry anymore. Or better yet, what if you OD? Drives one nuts.

URMYEVERYTHING

The song by Black Eyed Peas "Shut Up" plays in my head every time I hear him whine.

gotahavfaith

As soon as I came here today, my eyes went straight to this post. OMG, my AD whines about everything!!!! I get so sick of hearing everything that is wrong in her life. She just doesn't understand why she can never catch a break. Well, her family can't catch a break either. Just thought this was such an interesting post. We are not alone, are we.

Gotahavfaith

Skeetermag

Spent the day at a bbq w/friends and all we did was talk about him, his aches and pains, etc etc...I'm wondering when he will tell us his hair hurts???

hope213

people do not have to be an addict to whine. i hate it when people whine. they do it because they can & people like us give them what they want. like us? not like me, i quit. can u really believe they will quit whining when they get their way by doing so? giving them their way will not keep them clean or sober. let them work for themseklves. that is the only way they are going to learn.

outtolunch

Ain't that the truth.

Whining is childlike and comes from a sense of helplessness and entitlement.

Sometimes we get so mired in the details of our own life that we forget that we are nowhere near as helpless as we sometimes think we are.

Taking responsibility for ourselves and our own outcomes is what growing up is all about. We are all works in progress.