28Days

So tonight, as I was on facebook, since I live there haha, I was updated of my addicted exbf's birthday party. It did kinda bother me that obviously his parents are flying him home after he drops out of school (and probably paying for him to come back to Van for some reason, which drives me crazy). It kinda stung to remind me that this time last year, we were that power couple. And it broke my heart that we aren't speaking anymore. That's the only reason I know that he's still alive right now even. What made me okay with it all? He invited about 20 people. How many are going? 5. 5 including himself and the other guy hosting it. So really, it's 3. 3 people. 8 people said no. His best best friend said no. The other best best said maybe, but I doubt she'll go. He didn't even invite some people that are supposedly his best friends. His life is emptying pretty fast. What made it even easier for me to swallow? The event picture was him smoking weed. That's awesome, isn't it? Nothing has changed. That confirmed it.

Truth be told, it still gave me that a knot in my stomach. My solution? Delete the guy that continues to bring this up for me. At first I wanted to keep him around 'cause he could be a connection, but I'd rather break that. I have it set so I hear less about people that still talk to him. No more hearing about what he is now.

=) Never thought I'd get here, just thought I'd share =D

rose

That is one Big Healthy Step! See things do start to fall into place!

I never realized before that you were in BC...me too, I live in Nanaimo!

Rose

28Days

As my blog shows, I'm still struggling with letting go of who he used to be and what we used to have...how amazing it all used to be. (Little bits keep flooding back and I remember the happy times). But, I'm getting to such a better place. Yes I miss him...but why miss someone when he doesn't even seem to miss him. But like my blog says, still having a hard time. But I'm pretty proud of this. I don't hear about him anymore. Makes it easier. 'Cause it gets worse when I'm not around. No more taking the blame.

Really!? I'm just in Van right now, but I'll be moving back to Calgary in 2 weeks. I'll probably end up back in Van within a year or two..

Ann

Well this Canuck from Ontario would like to cheer you on as you let go, not just of him but of those who keep you connected in any way.

There comes a time to stop grieving what might have been and wasn't and instead move forward to all the wonderful possibilities that await you tomorrow.

Hugs

URMYEVERYTHING

I agree with Ann... I have learned that my anger and resentment is my drug as Heroin, Cocaine, etc. is to an addict. I need to deal and cope with it and move on. If cutting ties and connections is your healthy way of letting it go then more power to ya.

kj3880

You sound much healthier then you did a couple of months ago, 28. I can tell you that one day the good parts of the memories will not bring pain, and you will learn to forgive. You'll be able to recall the happy times without hurting some time a few months or years from now. Then you will have well and truly moved on, but smarter and more mature.

Love,
KJ

28Days

Ann - Thank ya! At first it was tough, to remove those connections, but if they were really friends then they wouldn't bring him up to me. I almost feel like he's a failure of mine (silly I know). But no one wants to be reminded of that. Surprisingly, I didn't have to lose the ones I was afraid of losing either =) .

URMYEVERYTHING - It would have been nice to keep some connections, as I became good friends with these people...I also find that I have very little respect, if any, for them. They know what my ex is. They hate it, for the most part. And yet, enable it. I don't need that right now.

kj - I feel so much healthier. Happier. Still stings from time to time...but who wants to feel that kinda pain all the time? When you wake up you can choose how to feel, and I choose to feel happier. People have noticed the difference too!

Also, just for sake of sharing it. Since I've let go of the pain and made the choice to be happy...I've had 3 different guys ask me out. And 5 more guys show an interest. Who can complain with that!? Haha. He's off busy with some druggie, and each guy I meet has little to no interest in drugs and that whole scene. Pretty happy here. Heck, even have date #7 tonight =D

ex D-Boy

Great progress!!!!! you seem to be growing a lot. Life has so much to offer, its all waiting for you

28Days

Thanks D-Boy =)

It didn't hurt that this guy that I deleted was really negative towards me.

I seriously just woke up one day and decided...enough is enough. I'm still hurting, but I have to let it go. I want to be happy. Maybe one day he comes back and is clean, maybe he doesn't. No matter what, I'm gonna have a great life no matte what. =D