ksaun

I have a friend Amie that is a heroin addict. I met her last August. Shortly after I met her I found out about her drug addiction. She was ordered by the court to go to detox. Which she did but she left 3 days early. But she looked so much better than when she went in. She was happy and smiling had soo many plans of how she was going to get her daughter back and go to school and so much more. I was happy for her and told her that I would do anything I could to help. She accepted. I started reading everything I could about drug addiction and heroin, the treatments, the causes, etc. I attended NA meetings, talked to recovering heroin addicts. Talked to drug counselors and anyone that I thought could help me understand her addiction and what she was going though.

What I found out is I can never really understand what it’s like for her to deal with this addiction. I was also told by just about everyone I talked to including, the drug counselors, recovering addicts, doctors, friends, etc. to run not walk away from her. Now if I were a wiser man maybe I would have taken their advice. But I’m not, its not in my personality to walk away from someone in need of help. Especially someone that I had come to care about. Although she had family she was adopted by another family. Her bio parents had drug and alcohol issues, that why she was put up for adoption. Her adoptive parents treated her poorly from what I’m told by her and others that knew her back then.

Even though she has “Family” they have all seemed to have given up on her or just don’t care. So I offered to help her during her recovery. She got into a meth treatment program and was doing good for a few weeks. But it didn’t last long. I could see she was struggling and talked to her about it. It seemed to get her back on track but not for long. Her cousin and BF or Ex BF what ever he is….. were spending a lot of time around her. Her cousin is her drug dealer and her BF or ex bf is who she shoots up with. I saw the road she was headed down but there was nothing I could do to stop it. From what I found out later her bf was bad mouthing me to her. And her family was telling her that she was a ***** because they assumed that she and I were having sex and that is why I was helping her. For the record we were NOT having sex and I wasn’t trying to have sex with her. So she was being brain washed by her bf and her family that the only reason I could possibly be helping her is if I was or wanted to have sex with her.

Needless to say she started to pull away from me emotionally. Even when I was with her she was distant most of the time. Then other days she was talking about how we should go out and have some fun. Over the months I got more and more frustrated, worried and pissed off. Knowing she was going down the wrong path, hanging around the wrong people and destroying a friendship with the only person that gave a damn about her. A true friend that was there for her when nobody else was. I felt hurt, used, unappreciated, taken for granted, and disrespected. On xmas day, I got upset that she didn’t get me anything for xmas. Now it wasn’t the fact that she didn’t get me anything it was that I had been soooo sick of being taken advantage of and lied to, and unappreciated for so long, and if there was any day of the year that you would show your appreciation to someone in some way it would be xmas. Right? Needless to say she didn’t. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.

I couldn’t make one more excuse for her behavior, or take one more lie. I had reached my breaking point. So I told her how I really felt, How I was a great friend to her that never asked for anything from her in return. Which btw is just what I got in return…..nothing! How I was tired of her lying to me and taking me for granted, treating my like her personal taxi. And how disappointed I was she wasn’t the person I thought she was. How I was wrong all those months ago when I told her she was something special. I let her have it with both barrels so to speak. She said she sucked at life and she was a f’up and always would be. That’s why she didn’t have any friends. On one hand it was like a weight was lifted of my shoulders. On the other hand I never like to hurt someones feeling or make them feel bad about themselves. This conversation was all done using text messages btw. So not exactly the best way to discuss any issue. I waited to the next day to text her back. One because I really didn’t know how to respond to her self deprication and two to give me time to cool down.

It just so happens that my bday is the 26th, the day after xmas. I had already planned to meet some friends at the bar where she works and she was working that night so I knew I would see her there. I thought long and hard about what to text her. So I decided to try to be as positive as I could. I told her that everyone f’s up and that I f’up all the time. But its not the f’up that matters its how you try to fix your f’ups that defines what kind of person you are. I told her I was going to be at the bar celebrating my bday and if she wanted to talk I would be willing to listen. I got to the bar got settled and then walked over to her. She wished me a happy birthday and said she would be over to see me later. The night went on and she never came over, never even bought me a beer even though people I didn’t even know where buying me drinks for my bday. About 1am I passed her in the bar, she said excuse me and I said “F you” I was admittedly drunk at that point, and pissed off because once again I gave her the opportunity to talk to me and do the right thing and she threw it back in my face. I asked her at closing time if she was going to talk to me now. Forgetting I had told her “F you” She reminded me of what I said and told me she didn’t want to talk to me until I apologized to her. Then she left.

On the way home I get a text from her saying that she was trying to make rent and she was too busy to come over to visit me and spend time with me on my bday. A total load of crap, just another lie. She got home and apparently told her bf what I said. So I get a text from him. Saying she is his GF not mine and if I disrespect her again we are going to have problems. Then about 10 seconds later I get one from her. She texts how I’m not her man and I’m just a customer and friend. That she can’t take me being mad at her all the time and we should go our separate ways. I didn’t text back. I did go up to the bar the next night walk right up to her and apologize to her for saying “F you” the night before, that it was rude and uncalled for. She said she didn’t take it personally (which she obviously did) and she realized I was drunk when I said it. I told her I got her and her BF’s texts the night before and was curious why he and she would make comments about me not being her bf or man. When I never made any attempt to be her bf and she knew that. She just shrugged it off and said her bf was an *******. It became obvious that her BF was jealous of me being with her so he was bad mouthing me to her telling her god know what.

We didn’t talk or text each other through new years or her bday on Jan 6. I did however write her a note. Basically stating I thought we should go our different ways too. How I had seen this coming for some time and how it was actually a relief. I apologized for how I handled everything on xmas and I was sorry I had hurt her (which I was, I don’t like to hurt someone I care about). And that we both needed our space right now. About 2 weeks ago I went back to the bar and she was working. She talked to me but it was obvious she was still pissed off. She wouldn’t even look at me and had this I just ate **** but I have to smile grin on her face. She told me that the new year had sucked for her so far. Everything was going bad in her life and she was wondering if she was being punished for something she had done to someone else. My first thought was “Yeah ME” but I didn’t say it. She told me she spent 2 days including her bday in jail. Then promptly said she didn’t want to talk about it. Which meant, I don’t want to talk about it with you because I’m pissed off at you. I told her that I knew she was still pissed of at me and that was fine. But if she needed someone to talk to or just listen I was here. Then I left to meet some friends at another bar.

The next week she seemed less pissed off, but would still not look at me or tell me what was going on in her life that was so bad since we had our fight. I reminded her again after some small talk. That I was there if she needed me to talk to. Then this past Wednesday I stopped in the bar said hello to her and sat at the bar with some friends. I noticed she kept looking over at me and I could tell she wanted to talk but I knew she wouldn’t come over so I went to her. In all the weeks previous she did her best to totally ignore me. But my friends would notice she would look at me when she knew I couldn’t see her looking. Anyway, with very little encouragement she finally opened up to me and told me what had happened since our arguement.

She had gotten arrested with her cousin the drug dealer and spent her birthday in jail. Now she didn’t say so, but I know for a fact that her cousin and her bf are always together. So although I don’t know for sure I’m thinking her BF was with them at the time as well. Anyway…..Because she got arrested she lost her insurance, got kicked out of the meth clinic, had her case with CYS (Children and Youth Services) to get her daughter back closed and was in her words “Using everything and anything she could get her hands on” She also told me she was about to be evicted and owed her landlord $500. She was the lowest I had ever seen her. I consoled her just as I had done many times before when her emotions became to much for her to hide. I told her that she would get through it. She had to get back to work I told her as she walked away to come here. She walked back to me and I gave her a hug. She didn’t hug back. When she left early I drove her home. She was complaining all night about how she was getting a cold. Her nose was running, her stomach was aching she was feeling nauseous she was sweating. All indications point to her having withdrawls. I really think the only reason she even went to work was to make some money so she could afford to buy more drugs to stop the withdrawl.

I spent the next 2 days researching rehab programs that would available to her. Also getting information on her CYS Case and Putting together a list of people she can contact to get help. She was at a crossroads, I knew it and so did she I think. But she was so lost in what she was losing and how screwed up her life had become she didn’t know what to do. That is why I took time to research this for her. That and because she is my friend and I will do what ever I can to help a friend in need. Even if the don’t ask or even know what to do next.

Last night I went back to the bar, I was supposed to meet a friend but he never showed. I said hello to her she said hello back. As the night went on we kept looking at each other. So I went over to talk with her. She was very cold, not very talkative. I thought things were better between us since our talk on wed. But I was obviously wrong. So I flat out asked her “you going to be pissed off at me for the rest of your life or what?” Her response caught me off guard. She said “I’m not pissed off at you I was never pissed off. I don’t have any feelings toward you good or bad” Now I spent every day with her for 5 months. I know when she is happy, sad, pissed off, etc. I can read her expressions like a book. So I know she was and is pissed off at me. I also know she said what she said to try to hurt me and protect her. I asked to her to explain but all so would say is “I have no feeling toward you at all” So I said ok and walked away.

Later in the night I got her alone to give her the information I had collected. The names and phone numbers of the people I had talked to that would be able to help her get into a good rehab program. I also had some pictures I printed out for her that I had on my phone from the xmas parade we had taken her daughter to see. She saw the rehab list first and said “I hate rehab” Then I started to tell her about what I had found out. I told her it would look good to the judge if she entered rehab on her own. It would also look good to CYS. But I told her don’t do it because of that. Don’t do it because I want her to go or even for her daughter. She has to want to do it for herself. She again said “I just don’t like rehab” I asked her…do you think going to rehab spending a month or two to get clean and get your life back, get your daughter back, and make a good life for yourself and your daughter is a small price to pay to have all that. She said “yes” I told her a little more about it she seemed more open to me and the idea of rehab. She asked about the rehab center and if it was nice I said I saw pictures and it seemed like a nice place. I told her it was supposed to be a great program too. She asked where it was. I told her it was on the other side of the state. I was honest with her. I told her she needs to get away from all the things, people and places that make it easy for her to use. She asked how she was going to be able to afford it. I had the number and name of the person that would be able to get her insurance to cover it or state funding. She said she couldn’t promise me anything but she would think about it. I told her I didn’t want her promise. She has to make the next move its not up to me. I’m just giving you the tools you need to get help, what you do with it is up to you. Either your ready to get clean or your not. Only you can decide that. And as much as I want you to go, I cant and won’t try to make you go. She looked at the pictures of her daughter and her at the parade, big smiles on both their faces. These where the only photos she had of that day because she had lost her phone a few weeks earlier. I also told her she either wanted to be my friend or she didn’t that I wasn’t going to kiss her ass to be friends. But for her to remember I had always been a good friend to her. And she doesn’t have anyone in her life that would have spent 2 days getting this information for her. She said something I cant remember then she said your probably right. I told her if she wanted me as a friend she had to stop lying to me. That I know everytime she lies to me. That I can read her like a book.

After that her attitude changed towards me. She was a lot more open to me. She thanked me several times. And even hugged me a few times without me having to ask.

I hope and pray that she uses the information to get the help she needs. But in the end its all up to her. As much as I care for her and want to help her its not up to me. I know she has the tools to get the help she needs. I have done all I can to be a great friend to her. I told her I would be there to support her every step of the way. And I will. But I can’t do it for her.

If you made it all the way through my story I would like some feedback good or bad. This is how it went down as best as I can recall. I’m not perfect, I know I made mistakes along the way. Hopefully mistakes I can learn from. What I do know is she now has a better chance at asking for help than if I didn’t get her the info. What she does with it is up to her. I still fear for her, and pray for her, but I feel that just maybe she is ready to get clean. Time will tell. I will keep you posted.

One last note, throughout my story and ordeal I’m sure you noticed I tried to use logic and common sense to deal with her. The fact is I know now when your dealing with an addict there is no such thing as logic and common sense. They are about the drug and only the drug. Nothing else matters to them. They will say and do things to hurt you, and push you away. That is the hardest thing for me to get my mind around. That you can’t fix it with logic or common sense. Only the addict can make the change in their life, no matter how much you want to help them. I think I understand now what that people at nar-anon meant when they said you have to let them go if you ever expect them to get to the point where they want to help themselves. I still care for Amie, maybe more than I ever have before. But I’m learning to not dwell on her and her addiction. I can’t let it consume my life as it has for the past 6 months. I need to let go for now. It doesn’t mean I wont be there for her if she needs my support going through recovery. It just means that if she doesn’t go into recovery. I have to accept that I did what I could for her and focus on my own life and accept that I have no control over her life.

I wrote and posted this as a way for me to address and work through all the feelings and issues I have been dealing with. Now that its done I do feel less stressed. And for now I think I have a clearer prospective on the situation. Whether that feeling lasts or for how long I don’t know. But for now I can see more clearly than I have been able to in a long time.

outtolunch

I have a question for you. How the heck does your friend have health care insurance that will pay for in-patient rehab?

jerect

From your post I assume that you have been going to naranon meetings... that is a good start.. please keep going and do not stop...

I know you are only trying to help but it's not your job to find her a rehab and it's not your job to give her the tools to get help... if she wants sobriety she will seek it herself.. and from what you have described your friend does not want sobriety..

I would run very fast and very far from this friend...

Read the stickies at the top of this forum "what addicts do" and "Let me fall" and if you don't think that they pertain to your addict then read them again and again and again..

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this but honestly you don't have to deal with this.. you can walk away before she sucks the life out of you..

MyJoey

All I can say is heck I would love a freind like you! I think you have done more then your share as a friend and you should back off now, because your going to get hurt.........I hope not, but the odds are you will.

Freedom1990

I am going to address your post as a recovering addict, and not as the loved one of an addict, which I also qualify for.

She is going to chew you up, spit you out, and walk off laughing, worse than the last time.

An active addict is like a vampire who will suck the life out of any victim who sticks around long enough for the blood fest, I can guarantee you that.

When I made the choice to relapse after 4 years clean and sober, there was no one to pull my pathetic ass back up. I had to make the effort to walk back into the rooms of recovery and start all over again. It was either that, or die.

To be honest, when I read that very long paragraph where you got her alone and she made it very clear to you that she hated rehab and obviously was not interested in what you were pitching, you just kept on and on and on until you got the reaction you wanted from her.

As an active addict, I would have copped one hell of a resentment over someone trying to force feed me rehab or what I 'needed' to do.

Just my two cents.

Serenity Bound

I'd say that you have gone above & beyond what most friends would do. However, as each of the others have stated, it is up to the addict to want & reach out for recovery. It doesn't sound like your friend has reached her bottom yet, therefore she is not ready to commit to recovery. In which case, yep I'd run, because she can most definitely make your life a living H***.

Hikeon

You sound like a nice young guy, and no doubt your friend has some good qualities, too.

I'm sorry she's an addict, and things can't work out the way you'd like them too.

The good news is, there are a lot of girls out there who would love to find a loyal, caring fellow such as yourself.

Your choice is to seek out a person who will appreciate you, or keep going in circles with your friend (and her boyfriend).

marle

Addiction is not personal. She is not doing those things to you to hurt you. She is doing them because she is an addict. My daughter is my addict. At one point during her active addiction, we did not see each other for 7 months. Was it because she did not love or care about me. No, it was because using heroin was what she lived for. My daughter has told me that using means spending 23 hours of a day thinking about using, trying to find the money to use, trying to find the dope and then using. Doesn't sound like there is much time left for thinking about cleaning up one's life or rehab or relationships. Having a relationship with an active addict is a one way street and a thankless job. So my advice to you (and this comes from experience) is to let her go and let her take responsibility for what she wants to do with her life. NO amount of caring from you will make her want to get clean until SHE is ready. Her family and other friends may care for her deeply but have been so hurt by her addiction that they have decided to take care of themselves, which is something that you should consider doing. Hugs, Marle

splendra

Welcome to Sober Recovery!!

My dear you sound like you are in way over your head. There is a reason all of her family has turned their backs on her. No doubt they have found out the hard way that she is a very toxic person.

You cannot work her recovery for her. She has to do it herself...

Please stand back from her and get your life back cause she is on the take. You are fast becoming a heroin addict yourself...

ksaun

Its not actually insurance it is funded by the state.

winnie12

I read through all of this and all I can say is Why? I know for me looking back on my life I seemed tend to seek out people who "I" thought needed to be rescued - thinking it would give me some self-worth. I have to go by your words and believe that you are just a kind person and if so, there are great people in need of help out there who want help - maybe if you focused these energies on people who wanted to be helped and were willing to do something on their own behalf you could actually make a difference in a life. Instead of focusing so much of your life on this one person you could do some community service - be a big brother or get into another volunteer program where you can help others who wont just use you as their comfort when they fall.

Also - not to judge you and this is just from my experience but its hard for someone who gets drunk around an addict to expect them to behave in a healthy way.

ksaun

I understand what you and all the other posters are saying. I do need to walk away from her situation. I know i'm too close to see things clearly. And yes I have already been hurt by her. But I have this feeling like if I don't try everything I can to try to help her and she OD's I will be asking myself for the rest of my life. What if I would have just tried one more time? Or talked to her on that one day when she was ready to get help? or one of a hundred What if's.

As much as I know what all of you are saying is what I should do, not only for her but more importantly for myself. It goes against everything in my nature to just give up on someone I care about.

So how do you all deal with having to let someone you care so much for go from your life? And not worry about them, and fear the worst everytime something reminds you of them?

I know I can't live her life for her or make her do what I want her to do. I know I can't make her go to rehab if she herself isnt ready to go. I know all these things and have told myself the very things all of you have told me in your posts. And I am trying.

I plan to not dwell on her and her problems. Or even ask her if she called the numbers I gave her. Although it wasn't my job to give her the tools I had to make one last attempt to help my friend. What she does with it is up to her. I need to worry about myself because I have started to lose myself.

I do have one question. She works in the bar that I frequent, I have alot of friends there. I'm not going to stop going there because of her. so our paths will cross. How do I handle those situations? Do I totally ignore her? Do I act like nothing has ever happened between us and stick to hello, good bye and small talk? What do I do?

And one more thing. is letting go the same as giving up on someone? if not can someone explain the difference to me because I feel more like im giving up on her than letting go. Even though thats what I need to do for myself.

thanks

ksaun

I do help others I donate my services to several local causes. I work with a non profit foundation to help motorcycle riders and their families that have been injured or killed while riding. I am also heading up a motorcycle run this summer for neuroacanthocytosis (NA). I was brought up to help those that need help. And thats what I try to do. Not just for her.

As for my getting drunk. I don't make a habit of it. I was at a bar and it was my Bday.
6

winnie12

What we talk about is not an effort to stop caring about someone - its detaching yourself from a problem that you have no control over. If your friend has cancer, you can drive them to the doctor, you can pick up their prescriptions, help them while they are going to chemo but if they give up and decide to stop treatment you cant do anything to help them. You can be there for them but you cant cure their cancer and you cant force them to go to treatment if they refuse. If they die from cancer its not your fault.

There is a huge difference between detaching from someone and not caring. Chances are I love my AS a lot more than you love your friend but I know that there is nothing i can do if he chooses to do enough drugs to overdose - Nothing. Its his life and his choice. He's in my life - I dont ignore him but i dont tell him what to do anymore. I dont offer advice anymore and most times i dont even talk about this stuff. If he does get down and ask my advice i turn it around and ask him what he thinks he should do - becuase in the long run that's all that really matters.

You say you cant stop her - GREAT STEP. Yet you still think it will be your fault if she dies - No - it would be her's. This is said respectfully and from someone who has been there - You are NOT the master of the universe who has the ability to control life and death. Just because you care about someone doesnt mean that your in a position of being responsible for their life. You need to step out of her circle and look at her from the outside - which is where you belong. The flip side of detaching is that sometimes that is what the addict needs from - not rescuing. All of your efforts that you think are going to help her may actually being keeping her in her cycle of addiction.

I recommend strongly that you get some help and deal with your own problems - a lot of us codies arent trying to "cure" someone becuase we are so healthy - we're trying to cure someone because we cant address our own problems. What in your own life needs fixing?

Detachemnt is the Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person "the space'' to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are'' rather than who you "want them to be.''
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

greeteachday

There is a big difference between "releasing our addicts with love and cease trying to change them" and "giving up"
I understand your fear, but do you really believe that you can monitor her 24/7 for the rest of your life and therefore save her life? Is that what you want for you or for her...to be a jailer? It doesn't work - promise. Our addicts can OD in the comfort of our home, surrounded by love and support and all the "control" in the world. There are many people on this board, myself included, who have experienced this. The first time my daughter OD'd she was in her bedroom, 10 am, getting ready to go to a movie with her dad. We were, at that time, totally into monitoring her every move, keeping her entertained and active and constantly with one of us so she wouldn't use. And yet she still OD'd. Three people were very sick then, not just her. We were obcessed, physically and emotionally ill and focused totally on "controlling" her addiction and her "recovery."

The 3 C's -
You did not cause it
You can not cure it
You can not control it

That realization leads to step one We admitted we were powerless of addiction and our lives had become unmanagable.

Part of my surrender was the pain I experienced when my daughter OD'd that first time. I guess I had to really experience it to truly surrender. My prayer is that you don't have to.

Glad you are posting here and taking in meetings. Keep working it and it will start making more and more sense. Baby steps.

greeteachday

It's your choice whether you frequent the bar or not. I know I found that sometimes when my emotions are raw, I need to step away until I am ready to handle any encounter without that raw feeling.

My feeling is that if you do decide to go there and she is there, any conversation unrelated to addiction and your attempts to "help" would be fine. I suspect she would welcome that too. It helped me to stop my constant focus on did you use, did you go to a meeting, did you get a sponsor type interrogation to turn it around and think about when someone nags me...I hate it, avoid it and feel resentment. No matter how nice and concerned he or she sounds, I feel that manipulation going on and resent the heck out of it. Once I thought about that, I realized that far from rescuing my daughter, I was ruining our relationship. I'm so glad I figured that out so we could work on repairing the damage and I could enjoy some time just loving her.

ksaun

Thanks for the post. I have come to the painful realization of what your saying is true. and congrats on your continued recovery, Im proud of you!

I know I can't fix her or do it for her as much as I want to or feel I need to. I know that now, and I am trying my best to accept it and deal with it. But how do I get away from her and still let her know I will be there to support her if and when she ever decides to get help? or am I just dreaming again? because no matter what I say now she wont hear?

Am I wrong in thinking I should be there to support her (not do it for her but give moral support and encouragement)? And if I am wrong about that, what chance does she or anyone else have during recovery if they dont have anyone that cares about them supporting them when they are doing what you wanted them to do all along in getting and trying to stay clean?

If....... and I understand at this point this is a BIG if. She decides to get help at this or some other point in her life. What can and should I do?

I'm trying to find some boundries here. Can you give me any insight at all being that you have been where she is and are where I would give anything for her to be now?

Im still struggling with this, any advice is greatly appreciated.

btw

Wish you the best in your recovery.

ksaun

Thanks everyone for your insight and words of wisdom. I truely appreciate it. I will do my best to follow your advice. But going against ones nature is difficult to say the least. I will do as you suggested GREETEACHDAY and if I run into her just talk to her the way I used to and not bring up anything about her drug use, treatment, etc.

I also liked your approach WINNIE12 of Not giving advice even if she asks fot it but to turn it around to ask her what she thinks she should do.

I can see just from reading what the two of you have written in your posts. I was alot more responsible for pushing her away than I thought. Your right, nobody likes to be told what to do or badgered about something. I can see I was doing more harm than good now. Its amazing how all it takes is a different perspective to open your eyes to something you have been blind to. Thanks to all of you.

I will continue to keep you posted of any major changes. And wish you all the best of luck in your own personal battles.

Chino

Tell her exactly that and walk away immediately, don't wait for a response.

splendra

One thing you can do for her is pray for her and know she is in the hands of her higher power. Recovery is a miracle.

As an ex addict/alcoholic I know that nobody could have reached me other than my HP it was my own desire to live combined with hope that I could have a real life that got me and kept me clean.

As a person with 4 active addicts in my life who has tried everything Xs 4 to encourage them into recovery I know there really and truly is nothing I can do except pray.