AS in NYC mugged (Again!!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
AS in NYC mugged (Again!!)
Fourth time this month. This time, he says he was just walking down the street when some crackheads attacked him. This time they broke his arm, chipped some teeth and kicked him.
I never know what to believe. First he told me he walked to the hospital. Then later he said the police, who saw the incident took him to the hospital.
He's on methadone now, from a clinic, living in a shelter in Harlem. I'm just feeling bad lately, having trouble remembering my Naranon tools, just feeling bad and depressed. He said he's now trying to get into a therapeutic community in NYC (a TC).
Just having a bad couple of weeks. Once again I'm online searching for the magic cure that will fix him and costs less than $15000. (of course people also get clean in Salvation Army shelters for free). He has to do it himself.
I'm rambling..need to something good for myself this weekiend. Last weekend I spent it in my robe, watching TV and sleeping for two days. Not good. Didn't make my wife to happy either.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Hello to all the good folks on this site.
I never know what to believe. First he told me he walked to the hospital. Then later he said the police, who saw the incident took him to the hospital.
He's on methadone now, from a clinic, living in a shelter in Harlem. I'm just feeling bad lately, having trouble remembering my Naranon tools, just feeling bad and depressed. He said he's now trying to get into a therapeutic community in NYC (a TC).
Just having a bad couple of weeks. Once again I'm online searching for the magic cure that will fix him and costs less than $15000. (of course people also get clean in Salvation Army shelters for free). He has to do it himself.
I'm rambling..need to something good for myself this weekiend. Last weekend I spent it in my robe, watching TV and sleeping for two days. Not good. Didn't make my wife to happy either.
Thanks for letting me ramble. Hello to all the good folks on this site.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Hugs to you.
The hardest times I remember, was when my oldest son was on the street, and I had no idea where he was eating or sleeping. How difficult it was for me not to say COME HOME. I worried every minute of the day.
My sons were 11 and 15 when they started "dabbling" in drugs, and finally at the ages of 30 and 35, both are sober for today. Life isn't perfect, but better.
I pray for your son that he will decide enough is enough.
Hugs.....
The hardest times I remember, was when my oldest son was on the street, and I had no idea where he was eating or sleeping. How difficult it was for me not to say COME HOME. I worried every minute of the day.
My sons were 11 and 15 when they started "dabbling" in drugs, and finally at the ages of 30 and 35, both are sober for today. Life isn't perfect, but better.
I pray for your son that he will decide enough is enough.
Hugs.....
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
(((HurtingDad)))
I am sorry ....I remember the hell it was when mine was living on the streets...she is not yet in recovery, but at least now has a roof over her head...
back then I didn't know the meaning of powerlessness and the blessing of detachment...
when we have our faces pressed up against the window of their lives we cannot see the big picture..we need to stand back far enough to be able to appreciate that there is a plan afoot...
you are so right ..he has to do it for himself..hugs, grateful
I am sorry ....I remember the hell it was when mine was living on the streets...she is not yet in recovery, but at least now has a roof over her head...
back then I didn't know the meaning of powerlessness and the blessing of detachment...
when we have our faces pressed up against the window of their lives we cannot see the big picture..we need to stand back far enough to be able to appreciate that there is a plan afoot...
you are so right ..he has to do it for himself..hugs, grateful
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Hurtingdad I really do feel for you but (geez there's always a but) I think some how you need to try to remember he's an addict not the son you have in your heart at the moment. I live in nyc and I know nyc at times has a bad reputation but its really hard for me to believe that he got robbed four times in a month.... sounds very far fetched.
I can not even undertsand the pain you are feeling but your son has to decide for himself if he wants to get better. I dont believe a $15000. facility for drug treatment would make any difference than the salvation army... I believe he has to be the one to want a change. My abf has been to the salvation army in nyc, they are provided room and board, they work for the salvation army driving trucks for donations, get clothing, work within the salvation army, attends groups, AA and NA meetings and have counselors available for them and its FREE. I believe they have to want it unfortunately as much as I wish loving them, feeling sorry for them, providing them with cash will not do anything more for their addiction.
I know its hard and extremely painful but need to take out your tool box and work on yourself.
I am sorry and I also feel bad because I feel like your son is using your pain to attempt to manipulate you.
hugs,
Jewelz
I can not even undertsand the pain you are feeling but your son has to decide for himself if he wants to get better. I dont believe a $15000. facility for drug treatment would make any difference than the salvation army... I believe he has to be the one to want a change. My abf has been to the salvation army in nyc, they are provided room and board, they work for the salvation army driving trucks for donations, get clothing, work within the salvation army, attends groups, AA and NA meetings and have counselors available for them and its FREE. I believe they have to want it unfortunately as much as I wish loving them, feeling sorry for them, providing them with cash will not do anything more for their addiction.
I know its hard and extremely painful but need to take out your tool box and work on yourself.
I am sorry and I also feel bad because I feel like your son is using your pain to attempt to manipulate you.
hugs,
Jewelz
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
"ramble", it's not rambling, it's concern, fear, sadness all coming out to your friends!!
I am so sorry your son hasn't realized certain things yet, but he will I just know it.
even though my son has 13 months clean I still get anxious about things, all because I was so used to being anxious. He is moving out this thursday and I know it's a good thing but guess what, I am so nervous that he won't stay on top of things like his car payment and insurance payment and will he eat right, oh my gosh, do I really need to worry about that crap for crying out loud. anyway my point is human emotions are very hard to control so ramble away my dear friend.
I am so sorry your son hasn't realized certain things yet, but he will I just know it.
even though my son has 13 months clean I still get anxious about things, all because I was so used to being anxious. He is moving out this thursday and I know it's a good thing but guess what, I am so nervous that he won't stay on top of things like his car payment and insurance payment and will he eat right, oh my gosh, do I really need to worry about that crap for crying out loud. anyway my point is human emotions are very hard to control so ramble away my dear friend.
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
OMG....it's sooo scary isn't it??
When my daughter was in the throes of addiction, she was getting robbed all the time. You'd think that in itself would be a deterrent, but somehow they don't seem to think it's unusual. I would tell her, I've never been robbed in my life...
Prayers for you and your family!
When my daughter was in the throes of addiction, she was getting robbed all the time. You'd think that in itself would be a deterrent, but somehow they don't seem to think it's unusual. I would tell her, I've never been robbed in my life...
Prayers for you and your family!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Welcome home, Dad.
I am at a loss how someone in your son's position can lift himself out of the situation without some help, assuming he is sincere.
Do you know where he sleeps? Do you know where he doses?
If it were me, I would want to know if he indeed has a broken arm and chipped teeth to determine if he's being relatively honest or looking for a hand-out. I would want to know if he's really in a Methodone Program or not. I would want to know.
I would consider hiring a private detective or an interventionist for a day or two, to do this on my behalf. The goal is not to intervene, rather to assess the overall situation.
I would want to know.
I am at a loss how someone in your son's position can lift himself out of the situation without some help, assuming he is sincere.
Do you know where he sleeps? Do you know where he doses?
If it were me, I would want to know if he indeed has a broken arm and chipped teeth to determine if he's being relatively honest or looking for a hand-out. I would want to know if he's really in a Methodone Program or not. I would want to know.
I would consider hiring a private detective or an interventionist for a day or two, to do this on my behalf. The goal is not to intervene, rather to assess the overall situation.
I would want to know.
Guest
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,968
Hi Hurting Dad,
I wanted to send this little piece of information from a site that has helped me with my son.
What I've tried to do to help myself is to take a good look what is it that I want and what is that my son really needs. At times we look for alternatives that will make us feel better without realizing that we aren't helping our child we are helping ourselves. And yes our role as parent is to help nurture our children, support them and love them. Sadly when drugs come into play the rules "have" to change" and we must take the first step at times, to me this is guidance in another form.
As I was reading your post it reminded me of muggings my son also experienced only to find out that he was the initiator of the assault and ended up getting hurt and then explained it away to me saying the reverse.
I spent many a day in my robe trying to tune out his world as well, it doesn't mean that you aren't coping, it means that you just needed this time out to gather your thoughts and pull yourself together...yet again. Take time when you need it, just always remember not to stay in that one place of grief and do as you have done by coming here and finding other solutions.
It is so un-natural for us a parents to have to deal with this unknown culture but the more we are aware the more we learn how to help ourselves.
"You can show real concern and compassion for your child by detaching yourself from his problem. This is real love. A permissive, indulgent attitude, even with the kindest of motives, does not help; it hurts. Strangely enough, the addict often seems to know instinctively that you are not helping by indulging him. When at last he is forced, by his own unendurable suffering, to cut himself free from the disease of drug addiction, he will be grateful to you for having helped him find the strength to take the first step."
"Don't put off the bright day when he can again build himself a life of purpose and achievement which he so desperately needs."
PS--It appears I don't have enough posts yet to list the site I received this information from...but I will endure and post more often so that we may chat again on this topic..
I wanted to send this little piece of information from a site that has helped me with my son.
What I've tried to do to help myself is to take a good look what is it that I want and what is that my son really needs. At times we look for alternatives that will make us feel better without realizing that we aren't helping our child we are helping ourselves. And yes our role as parent is to help nurture our children, support them and love them. Sadly when drugs come into play the rules "have" to change" and we must take the first step at times, to me this is guidance in another form.
As I was reading your post it reminded me of muggings my son also experienced only to find out that he was the initiator of the assault and ended up getting hurt and then explained it away to me saying the reverse.
I spent many a day in my robe trying to tune out his world as well, it doesn't mean that you aren't coping, it means that you just needed this time out to gather your thoughts and pull yourself together...yet again. Take time when you need it, just always remember not to stay in that one place of grief and do as you have done by coming here and finding other solutions.
It is so un-natural for us a parents to have to deal with this unknown culture but the more we are aware the more we learn how to help ourselves.
"You can show real concern and compassion for your child by detaching yourself from his problem. This is real love. A permissive, indulgent attitude, even with the kindest of motives, does not help; it hurts. Strangely enough, the addict often seems to know instinctively that you are not helping by indulging him. When at last he is forced, by his own unendurable suffering, to cut himself free from the disease of drug addiction, he will be grateful to you for having helped him find the strength to take the first step."
"Don't put off the bright day when he can again build himself a life of purpose and achievement which he so desperately needs."
PS--It appears I don't have enough posts yet to list the site I received this information from...but I will endure and post more often so that we may chat again on this topic..
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
(((HD)))
There are charity beds in most rehabs available. He's homeless and on his own correct?
He may not get in immediatly, but a bed should become available.
I've been lucky with a county crisis hotline that gave me the numbers of places that would actually treat an uninsured patient.
I wish you the best
(((Hugs)))
There are charity beds in most rehabs available. He's homeless and on his own correct?
He may not get in immediatly, but a bed should become available.
I've been lucky with a county crisis hotline that gave me the numbers of places that would actually treat an uninsured patient.
I wish you the best
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Hurtingdad))
I'm sorry he is still struggling. Although I understand that you want to step in and help him help himself, he really needs to do this himself. I was beaten up, choked, thrown out of moving vehicles, and it didn't even slow me down, until I was ready to stop. Nothing MY dad would have done, no amount of money spent, would have changed a thing until I was ready. Personally, I have to question his story about getting mugged 4 times in a month, even in NYC, but that's just me. The times I was beaten up, it was involving drugs...not just walking down the street.
This has nothing to do with how much you love him. He knows you love him. This is all about addiction and what he wants to do for himself. From what Jewelz posted, the Salvation Army is a much better option than what he's doing now, but he has to make that choice.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry he is still struggling. Although I understand that you want to step in and help him help himself, he really needs to do this himself. I was beaten up, choked, thrown out of moving vehicles, and it didn't even slow me down, until I was ready to stop. Nothing MY dad would have done, no amount of money spent, would have changed a thing until I was ready. Personally, I have to question his story about getting mugged 4 times in a month, even in NYC, but that's just me. The times I was beaten up, it was involving drugs...not just walking down the street.
This has nothing to do with how much you love him. He knows you love him. This is all about addiction and what he wants to do for himself. From what Jewelz posted, the Salvation Army is a much better option than what he's doing now, but he has to make that choice.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi HurtingDad, I'm so sorry your in the worry mode. Its so hard as parents not to and no matter what kind of counciling I got I still worried.......but learned how to control the way I worried. I almost felt sick most of the time. I'm hoping you are attending meetings.I certainly would have a visit if this was my son and I don't think theres anything wrong with helping him find a place for recovery. Its' been a while with him on the streets so maybe he's just not ready. My heart goes out to you....and "yes"~~find something fun to do with your wife this week-end. Staying busy helps and when the time is right your son will seek help...Smiles, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 101
Hi HurtingDad~
Big hugs to you! I can so relate to the worry/depression/isolation myself- all related to my son. I have to be really conscious of not staying in that "dark place," for too long. That's when I get out my codie books, come here, pray, etc... I'm also trying really hard for 2009 to not become a victim of my son's drug use- almost take on a fighter mentality- that I'm not going to let drugs ruin my life too. Even though I'm not the one ingesting them, there's some days that they're killing me too! And, I've decided to not allow that.
Having said that, I also know that I need to be gentle with myself and if I need a "down day," that's okay!! As long as I'm aware and that one day doesn't lead to 2 or 3 days in the pit.
Praying for your well being,
AquaBlue
Big hugs to you! I can so relate to the worry/depression/isolation myself- all related to my son. I have to be really conscious of not staying in that "dark place," for too long. That's when I get out my codie books, come here, pray, etc... I'm also trying really hard for 2009 to not become a victim of my son's drug use- almost take on a fighter mentality- that I'm not going to let drugs ruin my life too. Even though I'm not the one ingesting them, there's some days that they're killing me too! And, I've decided to not allow that.
Having said that, I also know that I need to be gentle with myself and if I need a "down day," that's okay!! As long as I'm aware and that one day doesn't lead to 2 or 3 days in the pit.
Praying for your well being,
AquaBlue
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Although I hate the words "Take care of yourself" they are very true. Doing something fun, nice, peaceful that YOU want to do if only for a few minutes. it is hard when are children are self destructing, but what good will we do anyone if we fall to pieces>??
said w/ so much understanding!
susan
said w/ so much understanding!
susan
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
((Hurting Dad))
I was so glad to see an update from you, for some reason reading your posts have always been helpful to me.
My 28 yr. old AS is currently homeless in Mpls, MN. He has been staying at a shelter for 4 weeks and is trying to find himself some help for mental illness (just can't seem to cope with life right now, can't hold down a job and only seems to get himself deeper in financial trouble,) homeless, and recovery. He is passing drug tests through the court and meeting with a drug diversion couselor weekly now (she feels he is not using at this time) only AS & God know the truth about that.
But anyway . . . I just wanted to say "hello" and thanks for the post and offer you support.
I was so glad to see an update from you, for some reason reading your posts have always been helpful to me.
My 28 yr. old AS is currently homeless in Mpls, MN. He has been staying at a shelter for 4 weeks and is trying to find himself some help for mental illness (just can't seem to cope with life right now, can't hold down a job and only seems to get himself deeper in financial trouble,) homeless, and recovery. He is passing drug tests through the court and meeting with a drug diversion couselor weekly now (she feels he is not using at this time) only AS & God know the truth about that.
But anyway . . . I just wanted to say "hello" and thanks for the post and offer you support.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Hurting Dad...I can relate. I am glad that you didn't forget your friends & support here at SR!!! I hope you can get to a f2f meeting and drag out that tool box.
Hugs & Prayers coming your way.
Chris
Hugs & Prayers coming your way.
Chris
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Jeez. If I was a crackhead (having been one as well - not the mugging kind though) I wouldn't be mugging homeless methadone patients. I'd go after someone who had something to offer - drugs or money or a nice watch I could pawn.
The lifestyle is brutal. But it is a lifestyle that can be as addicting as the drugs for some reason. I'm glad he's ok. I hope you can survive it with some semblence of sanity.
The lifestyle is brutal. But it is a lifestyle that can be as addicting as the drugs for some reason. I'm glad he's ok. I hope you can survive it with some semblence of sanity.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Sounds like a good time to work your own program.
Is it time to get a sponsor or do you have one?
We must be careful not to relapse to the bottom when our sons do.
Your son probably knows where to go for help...
I understand how you feel.
Is it time to get a sponsor or do you have one?
We must be careful not to relapse to the bottom when our sons do.
Your son probably knows where to go for help...
I understand how you feel.
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