Playing Detective/Need Help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 11
Playing Detective/Need Help
I suspected my bf was doing drugs and now I found some empty bags labeled Blackwater with a claw picture on it and another labeled New World. They were inside his empty cigarette box with a straw. Looks like coke but I have no idea as I haven't touched any of that stuff in years. I am going to confront him, actually break up with him, but I want to try to get my facts and thoughts together. Any help is appreciated. thanks
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Hey there. Welcome to the board. I've never heard of those myself. Definitely suspicious with a straw. I wonder if you can test it somehow. I know cops can do it on a scene.
I found these things online for testing:
Xlar.com - Drug Testing Kit
and this
Presumptive Drug Test Kits - Field & Other Tests - Arrowhead Forensics
Not sure what is out there at stores (if anything,) that you can get immediately.
If you confront him at this point, without much proof, you'll likely get a barrage of excuses:
It's my friend's
It's old stuff
I only did it once
etc.
Unless he agrees to a drug test, I'm not sure what immediate information you can get, unless he confesses.
Sorry you had to find this. It's pretty scary stuff.
I found these things online for testing:
Xlar.com - Drug Testing Kit
and this
Presumptive Drug Test Kits - Field & Other Tests - Arrowhead Forensics
Not sure what is out there at stores (if anything,) that you can get immediately.
If you confront him at this point, without much proof, you'll likely get a barrage of excuses:
It's my friend's
It's old stuff
I only did it once
etc.
Unless he agrees to a drug test, I'm not sure what immediate information you can get, unless he confesses.
Sorry you had to find this. It's pretty scary stuff.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I read about a guy in NYC who collects branded dope bags that he finds on the street, usually heroin. He has more than 1000 different branded bags.
You could find him with the straw up his nose, and he's still going to deny it.
So if you do not want to associate with someone using narcotics, just walk away. There is no need for a big ole drama, now is there.
You could find him with the straw up his nose, and he's still going to deny it.
So if you do not want to associate with someone using narcotics, just walk away. There is no need for a big ole drama, now is there.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Jersey
Posts: 229
You found the proof...empty cigarette box with straw and baggies.
There are so many labels the different drug suppliers put on the bags...could be heroin could be cocaine... doesn't really matter, does it?
Confronting him may or may not be worth your time and energy. The only thing my RAH (2 years on 1/12) ever did when confronted was lie. Whether it was in the beginning stages of his addiction or near the end, even when he was on probation and failing drug tests, he would just lie. It is called self preservation to continue using.
I am sorry you had to find these things. Obviously you suspected something was going on or you wouldn't have resorted to playing detective. Believe me, playing detective is no way to live.
Stay true to yourself. Do what you need to do and don't fall for his manipulations.
There are so many labels the different drug suppliers put on the bags...could be heroin could be cocaine... doesn't really matter, does it?
Confronting him may or may not be worth your time and energy. The only thing my RAH (2 years on 1/12) ever did when confronted was lie. Whether it was in the beginning stages of his addiction or near the end, even when he was on probation and failing drug tests, he would just lie. It is called self preservation to continue using.
I am sorry you had to find these things. Obviously you suspected something was going on or you wouldn't have resorted to playing detective. Believe me, playing detective is no way to live.
Stay true to yourself. Do what you need to do and don't fall for his manipulations.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Yes, I agree with the others here-
If you confront him- it will make no difference- he will continue to use if he is doing so.
Why do you want the info?? If you believe you are dealing with an addict- and you insist on confronting- here is what I would do. (have done it- don't know if it's right or wrong, but it worked for me)
I would say - "I found out you are doing drugs- It dosen't matter - the how I know etc.... all I want to say is I know and this is unacceptable to me. I don't want to be with someone who uses drugs"-------
Believe me, you will get a response and you can take it from there.
Be prepared however for a bunch of lies- a bunch of "i did it once" bla bla bla.
HOWEVER - you will get the reaction that you need to see- one that confirms he is doing drugs - and you will then have to decide how you want to end your relationship.
If you choose not to end your relationship- you are in for a very, very, very, difficult long journey.
Read old posts here- feel free to read mine- you will see how much heartache is suffered by chooseing not to leave an addict.
It dosen't happen overnight- mind you. You will find that you think your situation is 'different'.... believe me.... this is not a journey you will wish to walk down. HOWEVER- I'm begininng to realize nothing happens by accident.
This is your journey- do with it as you may- these are your lessons to learn.
I hope you don't find yourself here- wishing that you had just cut the cord when you originally found out.
Take care,
Cessy
If you confront him- it will make no difference- he will continue to use if he is doing so.
Why do you want the info?? If you believe you are dealing with an addict- and you insist on confronting- here is what I would do. (have done it- don't know if it's right or wrong, but it worked for me)
I would say - "I found out you are doing drugs- It dosen't matter - the how I know etc.... all I want to say is I know and this is unacceptable to me. I don't want to be with someone who uses drugs"-------
Believe me, you will get a response and you can take it from there.
Be prepared however for a bunch of lies- a bunch of "i did it once" bla bla bla.
HOWEVER - you will get the reaction that you need to see- one that confirms he is doing drugs - and you will then have to decide how you want to end your relationship.
If you choose not to end your relationship- you are in for a very, very, very, difficult long journey.
Read old posts here- feel free to read mine- you will see how much heartache is suffered by chooseing not to leave an addict.
It dosen't happen overnight- mind you. You will find that you think your situation is 'different'.... believe me.... this is not a journey you will wish to walk down. HOWEVER- I'm begininng to realize nothing happens by accident.
This is your journey- do with it as you may- these are your lessons to learn.
I hope you don't find yourself here- wishing that you had just cut the cord when you originally found out.
Take care,
Cessy
Im Clean Today
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Lowell, IN
Posts: 195
I am going to go a different way! Maybe because I am an addict. I was doing stuff for 6 years and lying to my wife about things. She never suspected it was pills though..Until I told her myself.
If you love him give him at least a chance. I don't think anyone should walk right out (if you love him that is)
We addicts do need help and if we are willing to change (as I did) we need your help as well. Some of us cannot do it on our own.
I would take the "are you doing drugs" way. Tell him you are willing to help but ONLY and ONLY if he is going to clean his act up!! And he only gets one chance!
Dont throw away something you have or had if he is willing to change!
Again this is only if you love him and think the relationship is worth saving!!
If you love him give him at least a chance. I don't think anyone should walk right out (if you love him that is)
We addicts do need help and if we are willing to change (as I did) we need your help as well. Some of us cannot do it on our own.
I would take the "are you doing drugs" way. Tell him you are willing to help but ONLY and ONLY if he is going to clean his act up!! And he only gets one chance!
Dont throw away something you have or had if he is willing to change!
Again this is only if you love him and think the relationship is worth saving!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I goo gled it and came up with this, the logo of a group of mercenaries.
Doesn't mean that it's not been used for drugs, just thought I'd bring it here.
Personally, I'd trust my instinct that it's coke. The straw is the giveaway.
This link talks about them.
Fade to Blackwater All Things In Their Place
Doesn't mean that it's not been used for drugs, just thought I'd bring it here.
Personally, I'd trust my instinct that it's coke. The straw is the giveaway.
This link talks about them.
Fade to Blackwater All Things In Their Place
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 15
While anything is possible, cocaine is not associated with "product names" on the bags that it comes in.
Heroin, especially the powdered dope in the northeastern US, is often snorted... and can be an array of colors from brown to pure white.
Heroin, especially the powdered dope in the northeastern US, is often snorted... and can be an array of colors from brown to pure white.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 67
Only you can make this decision. There must have been other "signs" or you wouldn't have been looking. Some of us have given the addict a chance and they have changed. Some of us have walked out and WE changed. Some of us gave them a million chances, they never changed and THEN we walked out. There are a lot of things to consider. How long have you been with him? Do you truly love him? And do you want to see him clean? As Lugnut said, addicts want and need help. And they need support ONLY if they want to get clean and stay clean. My ex had 6 years before he relapsed. And I love him more than anything...so I gave him a few chances. And then finally after 5 more years and his last relapse after another 16 months clean..I walked. And he has gone downhill ever since.
There is a fine line between "enabling" and "supporting".
Make your decisions and we will be here to support that decision.
There is a fine line between "enabling" and "supporting".
Make your decisions and we will be here to support that decision.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
I doubt that it's baby powder that he was trying to drink with that straw.
I think you know in your gut. Might not know exactly what it is, but you know. I always did. I just didn't want to believe it. But denial never got me anywhere.
The bigger question is what do YOU want for YOUR life? A relationship with someone you think you can't trust? Someone you have to play detective with?
Just some things for you to think about.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
I think you know in your gut. Might not know exactly what it is, but you know. I always did. I just didn't want to believe it. But denial never got me anywhere.
The bigger question is what do YOU want for YOUR life? A relationship with someone you think you can't trust? Someone you have to play detective with?
Just some things for you to think about.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Lots of good advice here....I must admit that the only reason my BF and I used a test on his AS so that we would have the evidence for the attorney. The AS is a bit, er, lax in his bathroom habits, so after he staggered in to relieve himself, his father collected the "sample" left in the bowl and tested it.
Again, what others are telling you about focusing on yourself is spot on. Take good care! Hugs!
HG
Again, what others are telling you about focusing on yourself is spot on. Take good care! Hugs!
HG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 47
Oh dear what a place to be in. I was right there once or twice & don't ever want to feel that again. I have no advice to give.
I can say I have just gotten myself enough strength to let go of my 'soulmate'. He showed me via his addiction that NarAnon was there; then I found out I had to take care of me first. I had to say 'I don't want to hear anymore desperate "but i love you's" and "I can't do this without you's".....Enough is Enough.
The last time he called me the day before xmas I answered the phone & when I realised it was him I hung up. For me it was simple but it's taken me over 8 years.
Pray for the courage to do what is best for YOU. (not the addict) Do this for yourself.
take care; Focusontoday...
I can say I have just gotten myself enough strength to let go of my 'soulmate'. He showed me via his addiction that NarAnon was there; then I found out I had to take care of me first. I had to say 'I don't want to hear anymore desperate "but i love you's" and "I can't do this without you's".....Enough is Enough.
The last time he called me the day before xmas I answered the phone & when I realised it was him I hung up. For me it was simple but it's taken me over 8 years.
Pray for the courage to do what is best for YOU. (not the addict) Do this for yourself.
take care; Focusontoday...
Last edited by focusontoday; 01-04-2009 at 04:28 AM. Reason: adding name
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Originally Posted by cynical one 
Playing detective, snooping, testing the drugs, testing the addict, needing proof, confronting them...and then expecting them to act normal and be honest when we ourselves are acting insane and being deceitful.
Take addiction out of it, as it is not a reason to persecute someone OR to be used as an excuse for poor behavior. Are his behaviors acceptable or unacceptable? Are your lives compatible or not? Is there mutual trust between you? Do you have shared interests and hobbies? In the relationship do you both give and take equally or is it one-sided with one giving and one taking. Do you treat one another with dignity and respect? Do you have similar morals, beliefs, and values? Do you have, and do you respect each others boundaries?
Love really has nothing to do with it, we can love someone with everything in us, down to our very soul. But, that doesn't mean it's a healthy love for us...or the other person, or that we're just not compatible. And, I find it odd and somewhat hypocritical when someone says if you really loved them then you would give them another chance. If you really loved someone wouldn't that be accepting them exactly as they are, and allowing them to be who they choose to be. And not giving them an ultimatum to change, or waiting for them to change into who or what we want them to be?
Take addiction out of it, as it is not a reason to persecute someone OR to be used as an excuse for poor behavior. Are his behaviors acceptable or unacceptable? Are your lives compatible or not? Is there mutual trust between you? Do you have shared interests and hobbies? In the relationship do you both give and take equally or is it one-sided with one giving and one taking. Do you treat one another with dignity and respect? Do you have similar morals, beliefs, and values? Do you have, and do you respect each others boundaries?
Love really has nothing to do with it, we can love someone with everything in us, down to our very soul. But, that doesn't mean it's a healthy love for us...or the other person, or that we're just not compatible. And, I find it odd and somewhat hypocritical when someone says if you really loved them then you would give them another chance. If you really loved someone wouldn't that be accepting them exactly as they are, and allowing them to be who they choose to be. And not giving them an ultimatum to change, or waiting for them to change into who or what we want them to be?
I do agree that if the relationship is going bad very quickly, that getting away and getting out is a wise move, but I also prefer to be informed and I prefer to make decisions based on as much of the truth as I can get.
Best of luck to you! Let us know what's going on when you can.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
You know the old saying, "if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck" it's usually a duck!
My gut feeling is it is what you think it is. If you confront him, I just know what he'll say. "What? you think it's what?" Yep, that gives them time to think what to say.
My son always went on the defensive right away. That's how I knew I was right!
hUGS, Devastated
My gut feeling is it is what you think it is. If you confront him, I just know what he'll say. "What? you think it's what?" Yep, that gives them time to think what to say.
My son always went on the defensive right away. That's how I knew I was right!
hUGS, Devastated
Im Clean Today
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Lowell, IN
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by cynical one
Love really has nothing to do with it, we can love someone with everything in us, down to our very soul. But, that doesn't mean it's a healthy love for us...or the other person, or that we're just not compatible. And, I find it odd and somewhat hypocritical when someone says if you really loved them then you would give them another chance. If you really loved someone wouldn't that be accepting them exactly as they are, and allowing them to be who they choose to be. And not giving them an ultimatum to change, or waiting for them to change into who or what we want them to be?
I agree cynicalone.. I did not mean it to be as black and white as it was written. Of course love really has nothing to do with it. But if he is a new boyfriend compared to a marriage then it gets a little more complicated. Thats just my opinion. I was just lucky I have an understanding mate.
But dont we all deserve at least 1 chance?
At least to come clean about it etc and so on?
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
In my book, the phrase "If you loved me, you'd give me another chance" is nothing but manipulation. I've heard that one a time or two from my addicted loved one. And what it really meant was, "Maybe if I can guilt you enough, I can convince you to continue what you're doing" which was ENABLING them to stay in their addiction.
Nope, no more. I don't want to help my loved one kill themself. Thank you, HP, that I don't fall for the guilt and manipulation anymore. Boy is that a good feeling!
Nope, no more. I don't want to help my loved one kill themself. Thank you, HP, that I don't fall for the guilt and manipulation anymore. Boy is that a good feeling!
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