krhea75

I'm sorry if this sounds scrooge-like, but I have been dreading this day since my son went to jail 7 weeks ago. He has one more week and that's what we are all hanging on to. I think it has done him some good. He seems more level-headed and optimistic than I've seen him in a long time. I know that it could all fall apart as soon as he gets out. But that's been pretty much the case all along...whatever he chooses will be up to him.

I had a meltdown yesterday, but then got busy cleaning and baking. I made so much dessert for our family meal today that we barely scraped the surface of it. I think I'll freeze the cookies and pull them out on New Year's day. It's amazing what nervous energy will create.

I've been working the steps, actually I've been stuck on Step 1 and the whole issue of control. I can't believe how much of a control freak I am. I want to control what my sons' father gave them for Xmas. I want to control how my boyfriend drives and what route he takes. I want to control my mother and how demanding she is. It's just become so evident to me all the sudden, like a light bulb just came on to this problem in me. I mean, I always knew that I like to control things such as my kids. But I had no idea it is so pervasive in me! It feels like I must admit to the fact that I'm powerless to control about 30 times a day. I have been trying to catch myself from blurting my "controllisms", and just chanting quietly to myself, "it's not your to do, or worry about, or make better." Yeah, I know. People may start looking at me in a funny way, partially because they're so use to me trying to control them or maybe it's because I'm talking to myself! Whatever, it takes a lot of control of myself not to control others!

Anyway, Christmas is over, we made it through this one, and life will go on. (unless I can find a way to control it!) Merry Christmas friends!
krhea

whereami

You made it pat yourself on the back and be proud...yay!

Impurrfect

((Khrea))

I had to laugh about you talking to yourself. I do it, all the time, and am use to the "looks" by other people. I also remember realizing what a control freak I was. At first, I didn't quite know what to do with myself, because I had spent so much time worrying about stuff that wasn't mine to worry about, and trying to control things out of my control, I was a bit lost.

I'm glad your son is getting out and sounding better. Just one word of optimistic caution...watch your expectations. Having been locked up for almost 6 months, I've been-there-done-that, and with the tough economy, it's a difficult transition. I came out, full of optimism, just KNEW I'd get a good job, get back on my feet, etc.

Going on 3 years later, I'm STILL struggling with a dead end job, dealing with financial consequences of my using. I'm still optimistic and I'm still clean, but it hasn't been easy. I'm NOT trying to pain a bleak picture...just want you to think realistically. People who have never been in any trouble are struggling, right now. For those of us who HAVE been in trouble, it's even harder, but we CAN do it.

I wish you all the best, and hope 2009 is a better year for you all.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hope213

it is so sad when people dread the holidays. it is meant to b such happy times. i have to go back to step one alot but i do not stay in that for long.it is so easier to let go & let god. it is so easy to let other run there own life what ever they want to do. it takes alot of work but in the long run it is easier. i finally got to the place that i know i can not & do not want to control others. i missed my son & my grandson this year but did not dwell on them. i enjoyd my daughter & the other grandchildren that were here. it took years but i am finally there. hugs & prayers,

PeaceTrain

I agree with you -- it is finally over.... the fear of what might happen and has happened in the past haunts me every christmas. I sort of (not really) laugh to my self when I was getting ready to have Addicted daughter and ABF over for Christmas dinner. -- Alcohol locked away, jewelry hidden, wallets and piggybanks hidden, blank checks hidden -- ready.. Phone call at 3:00 pm -- we can't make it. -- Actually, somewhat of a relief -- more positive energy around the table -- It was a lovely evening, but I'm glad it is over too.

Godsgirl

Gee, since I was so angry a couple of days before Christmas with my controlling mother who said to me "we will never get along as long as we both are alive"...."something is wrong with you"..."I dont care if you ever come to my house again"....I wanted Christmas to be over and it is now....aside from the funny gift drama with my ABF, I forgave my "toxic tongued" possibly bipolar mother and saw her at the Christmas breakfast...traded gifts...gave her a hug......and I too am glad that Christmas is over.....I am just trying so hard to remain peace filled. I talk to myself too all the time.......so I am glad I am not the only one who is glad "the day"..."not the meaning"....is over

Peace and Love to All

bigsister1982

Holidays are difficult for me because I always spend them with my family, including the addicted sibling. I can manage the holiday including the fights, whispers, threats, pleading, and being on edge all the time. The hardest part for me is going back to work and having everyone ask me "how were your holidays?". I find it so hard to be strong then, put a fake smile on my face, say, "great!" and tune out everyone else's stories.

greeteachday

Krhea...it was a huge ahh haaa moment for me when I realized my need to control. I think I equated controlling with being assertive and I am not an assertive personality. But as I worked on my recovery, I realized too it wasn't just my kids I was trying to "protect" and control.
I found the realization really helped me to change. Like you I had to stop myself often. I frequently had conversations with myself driving in the car alone. I found that if I talked aloud, I couldn't obsess and try to control at the same time, lol

The wonderful thing is that it really does work if you work it. I've let go of so much and when I think about how it used to drive me batty, I can't believe I even cared about more than half of it. I see a huge change at work too...staff assumes more responsibility and grows since I stopped doing it all and trying to control. It's so much more healthy for everyone.

Hugs...Happy New Year to you. I hope that the changes you see in your son continue when he leaves jail.