I don't know where to go from here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1
I don't know where to go from here...
I'm sure y'all will think I am completely insane, but here is my story...
I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months. First let me say, I was very sheltered growing up and was never around drugs of any kind. I had no idea how easy they were to get. I honestly didn't realize lots of people drank alcohol and drove. I wish I could go back to that innocence.
The first thing I realized about my boyfriend was that he drank a lot. He was never violent or mean or abusive. In fact, he was sweet and a gentleman. I fell in love. I never realized he was selling drugs (crack) right in from of my face. Once I figured that out, it took me even longer to realize he was smoking it in front of me too. He doesn't use a pipe, he rolls it in paper with tobacco. It was even longer than that when I realized he was addicted and it wasn't just a sometimes thing.
I've seen him go over a month without using and I know for a fact because I was with him every second of the day during a hurricane evacuation/relocation. He used to get nicer the more he drank, but now he just gets mean. Yes, he's become abusive. He made me drive around for an hour and a half the other night threatening to kill me. It ended with him going to the e.r. and getting a shot of Ativan.
I have two small children and he's never been anything but wonderful to them. They love him a lot.
He is trying to get into a rehab program currently. He says I'm a strong person because no other woman has made it this long. And when he's away from his friends and the town he grew up in, he's fine. Doesn't try to get drugs, doesn't drink much, etc.
I don't know if it is worth sticking around anymore. I don't know HOW to get out. Every day I say tomorrow is it, but then another day passes.
I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months. First let me say, I was very sheltered growing up and was never around drugs of any kind. I had no idea how easy they were to get. I honestly didn't realize lots of people drank alcohol and drove. I wish I could go back to that innocence.
The first thing I realized about my boyfriend was that he drank a lot. He was never violent or mean or abusive. In fact, he was sweet and a gentleman. I fell in love. I never realized he was selling drugs (crack) right in from of my face. Once I figured that out, it took me even longer to realize he was smoking it in front of me too. He doesn't use a pipe, he rolls it in paper with tobacco. It was even longer than that when I realized he was addicted and it wasn't just a sometimes thing.
I've seen him go over a month without using and I know for a fact because I was with him every second of the day during a hurricane evacuation/relocation. He used to get nicer the more he drank, but now he just gets mean. Yes, he's become abusive. He made me drive around for an hour and a half the other night threatening to kill me. It ended with him going to the e.r. and getting a shot of Ativan.
I have two small children and he's never been anything but wonderful to them. They love him a lot.
He is trying to get into a rehab program currently. He says I'm a strong person because no other woman has made it this long. And when he's away from his friends and the town he grew up in, he's fine. Doesn't try to get drugs, doesn't drink much, etc.
I don't know if it is worth sticking around anymore. I don't know HOW to get out. Every day I say tomorrow is it, but then another day passes.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Yes, he's become abusive. He made me drive around for an hour and a half the other night threatening to kill me. It ended with him going to the e.r. and getting a shot of Ativan.
Normally, we don't tell anyone whether to stay or leave, only the person can decide what is best for them...but with abuse it's wise to put some distance between you and then decide when you are safe. A person on drugs is not sane or rational, they do things they might never do clean and sober...including endangering the lives of those they love.
Sweetie, please don't take what he did lightly, next time he may take this further. Abuse, like addiction, is progressive and gets worse over time unless they seek treatment and make a lot of changes, even more than just putting the drug down.
Take a read around, others will be along to welcome you, and know that we care.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with Ann. I am a recovering crack addict and I've been with some men who got crazy on that stuff. I won't go into details, but let's just say, I'm lucky to be alive.
You can start by checking with your local domestic abuse people. They can give you ideas and let you know what is available. Just because he hasn't hurt your children, yet, doesn't mean he won't.
The fact that he says no other woman has stuck around so long, says a LOT.
We DON'T normally advise people on whether to stay in a relationship or leave, but in this case, I seriously hope you get yourself and your children away from him soon.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You can start by checking with your local domestic abuse people. They can give you ideas and let you know what is available. Just because he hasn't hurt your children, yet, doesn't mean he won't.
The fact that he says no other woman has stuck around so long, says a LOT.
We DON'T normally advise people on whether to stay in a relationship or leave, but in this case, I seriously hope you get yourself and your children away from him soon.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Abusive and addicted personalities are a very dangerous combination. Get out now - there are many places that help women if you dont have somewhere you can safely go. I read a blog the other day that was very empowering - please take a look at it The Narcissistic Continuum: Stop The Abuse
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
I agree with the others ... Get out Now.. If you don't do it for you then please do it for your two children...
In the meantime, please be careful and protect yourself at all costs... Do not allow him in your car, in your personal space or around your children.... if he is caught with drugs and you are with him you could get in trouble too and loose your children... No Man is worth that...
In the meantime, please be careful and protect yourself at all costs... Do not allow him in your car, in your personal space or around your children.... if he is caught with drugs and you are with him you could get in trouble too and loose your children... No Man is worth that...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
You are endangering the life of the mother of your children.
He's manipulating you with this talk of being a strong woman. Show him just how strong you are and eliminate him from your life, now.
He's manipulating you with this talk of being a strong woman. Show him just how strong you are and eliminate him from your life, now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
One more thing I wanted to mention is, that by allowing his behavior around his kids, YOU may be charged with child endangerment, as well as him. I'm not trying to scare you, but I know of a friend this happened to. We are talking jail time and having your kids put in the system (foster care).
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
invictus...
welcome to SR !
I want to scream run, run run as far as you can. You have no idea how completely devastating this problem is. YOu could lose everything...even your children. No man on the face of this earth is worth that. I'm sure that you are a very strong, sweet, compassionate person but NO ONE and I mean NO ONE can cure an addict with love. If they could, the problem of addiction would be an easy one to solve. You are playing with fire...please respect and love yourself enough to leave this problem where it belongs...in your BF's hands. Let him deal with it. Let him find his way. And maybe, if he's been clean for a few years, you could have a future with him somewhere down the line.
welcome to SR !
I want to scream run, run run as far as you can. You have no idea how completely devastating this problem is. YOu could lose everything...even your children. No man on the face of this earth is worth that. I'm sure that you are a very strong, sweet, compassionate person but NO ONE and I mean NO ONE can cure an addict with love. If they could, the problem of addiction would be an easy one to solve. You are playing with fire...please respect and love yourself enough to leave this problem where it belongs...in your BF's hands. Let him deal with it. Let him find his way. And maybe, if he's been clean for a few years, you could have a future with him somewhere down the line.
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