Something has happened to son.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
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Something has happened to son.
Honesty is best. I would stay away from 2 words...sick...and...medicine.
Son ended up in an emotional breakdown (I think) this past week. It started w/ dad at a visit last Wed (I supervise).
Son told dad he felt nervous meeting with him sometimes, and dad said he felt nervous meeting w/ him too sometimes (what a jerk!). Next thing you know, I heard son say "dad why did you flip me in the head."
His father was standing in front of him cutting his pizza so I didn't see it, but I heard son yell out.
AH lied and said he didn't do it. There were no marks, but I knew he did do it. Son kept saying he felt nervous. He wasn't himself, and I knew something was wrong. We got home after visit, and son said "mom do I have spider webs on my back." I looked and told him no. He asked 3 times. Something was wrong. Went to a friends house, and she gave him a spiderman toy when we were getting ready to leave, and he looked at this toy and kind of freaky fear, he didn't know if he wanted it, wanted to take it with us. So I told him it was okay to leave it there, and he could decide tomorrow.
The next day Thanksgiving, he began telling me his brain was telling him aweful scary things, this continued. He was so afraid of what his brain was telling him, and was in tears, hugging me and couldn't get his brain out of it. My first thought was "it's his mental health." I called a crisis # and someone came to assess him. I told him of AH flipping him in the head, and AH said he did it with 2 fingers. I was told that if son gets worse, take him to the hospital. He wasn't very cognitive either. It was so sad to see him in such a state, but assessment felt it was okay for him to be home and not a hospital, thank God. This has continued, but not to extent it was. He was in a horrible depression on Fri and Sat night. He cried and cried because dad is "sick." This was like he was having a breakdown of some sort. It was so sad I just held him and cried, called crisis again.
His Dr. has ran multiple blood tests, and they all came back normal. He was in counseling by Tues. Next appt next week.
My fear has always been that his father would drive him over the edge like he has tried to do to the rest of the family.
His father never showed for last Sat visit, 2 days after crisis, he was "sick" again. He showed for Wed. And yesterday visit he lied and said he has only been sick once this month, when in reality it's been about 4 times.
So another lie. I pulled son out of the visit. I told his father if he harmed son or lied one time during the visit, that we would be going home. This kind of stuff hurts emotionally and I couldn't keep son in a nervous situation.
This has been a very difficult time for son, and I have a deep resentment for all addicts putting their children through hell.
NH7
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
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Is there anyway you could stop the visits, for now? It seems to me that it is doing more damage then good for your son. If he is feeling anxious and nervous before visits then what does that tell you.
Its good you got him into counseling. I would talk to the counselor about options on what to do legally. If its causing your son this much emotional trauma then something needs to be done. I hate to think of kids being put into these types of situations and it being ok with the court system.
Prayers for you and your son. Good luck with the counseling that really is the best for him.....
Its good you got him into counseling. I would talk to the counselor about options on what to do legally. If its causing your son this much emotional trauma then something needs to be done. I hate to think of kids being put into these types of situations and it being ok with the court system.
Prayers for you and your son. Good luck with the counseling that really is the best for him.....
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
I wanted to share with you something that happened with my niece. My niece is twelve, having lived 11.5 of those years with her mother who is an addict and also has a personality disorder. When my niece came to live with me and my husband she was what I would consider "brainwashed" and very wary of us. She also had some mental health issues. She was obsessive about washing her hands (until her hands were red and chapped) and also about wiping after she went to the washroom (until she gave herself sores).
She also told me she had a voice in her head that said mean things to her. Her most recent examples, when I asked for them, were that she looked at the faucet in the kitchen and heard a voice tell her that it hoped hot magma would come out of the tap and burn her hands off. She also said she heard that voice tell her it hoped she would cut her genitals on a barbed wire fence.
When she told me these things, coupled with what I was seeing as some OCD behaviour, I was really REALLY scared for her.
The point though is that she's actually fine. Once she had some distance from her mother, and now has only very closely supervised visitation with her, things have changed. She's not hearing the voice anymore and with gentle coaxing we have managed to lessen her obsessive washing/wiping behaviours to a much more reasonable level. I think she just needed to feel she had some control over something in her life, and now that she's with us and has a more stable and predictable environment that she can control, the mental health issues seem to be stabilizing. (She also sees a counsellor once a week.)
Your son may just be responding to stress. So, like the people above have said, if there's anything you can do to reduce his stress levels, you might find these symptoms resolve themselves. The human brain is pretty amazing... and very resilient.
Good wishes for your and your son.
Lisa
She also told me she had a voice in her head that said mean things to her. Her most recent examples, when I asked for them, were that she looked at the faucet in the kitchen and heard a voice tell her that it hoped hot magma would come out of the tap and burn her hands off. She also said she heard that voice tell her it hoped she would cut her genitals on a barbed wire fence.
When she told me these things, coupled with what I was seeing as some OCD behaviour, I was really REALLY scared for her.
The point though is that she's actually fine. Once she had some distance from her mother, and now has only very closely supervised visitation with her, things have changed. She's not hearing the voice anymore and with gentle coaxing we have managed to lessen her obsessive washing/wiping behaviours to a much more reasonable level. I think she just needed to feel she had some control over something in her life, and now that she's with us and has a more stable and predictable environment that she can control, the mental health issues seem to be stabilizing. (She also sees a counsellor once a week.)
Your son may just be responding to stress. So, like the people above have said, if there's anything you can do to reduce his stress levels, you might find these symptoms resolve themselves. The human brain is pretty amazing... and very resilient.
Good wishes for your and your son.
Lisa
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
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Son is only 6 yrs old. Court is tomorrow. What timing huh? All of this will come into court. AH drug test results will be revealed tomorrow. I always feared something happening close to the court date and now this. AH always goes out with a big shabang! Rozied AH flipped him in the forehead with his fingers. Son said he was looking at something on the floor and dad wanted his head up, so he flipped him in the forehead.
During this time he has had constant gas too, with followed "excuse me's" about 50 times a day, very excessive. He's so polite. He can't watch many cartoons with scary characters anymore. The day crisis came he was excessively washing his hands and blowing his nose. I had never seen anything like this happen before to him. He didn't want burgers on anything, and freaked if one was on his shirt, couch, anything. He couldn't use the same kleenex twice. And he was very afraid of what his brain was telling him, this is what scared me the most for him. AH said when he walked in the door (right before crisis got here) it looked like OCD. I told him be quiet what does he know.
The thing is is that I don't want it to continue. He hasn't excessively washed or worried about his nose since that day. But the constant gas and burping is worrying me. He tells me many many times a day that he is swallowing his burgers also. I guess he means post nasal, back of the throat stuff.
I can't do visits anymore and have requested I be removed, because AH has lied excessively through this whole process instead of just getting sober and becoming the father he needs to be. He went into the bathroom at the movie on Wed alone with son, he's not supposed to do this either. I was concerned he hurt him in there too. Emotionally I can't handle this anymore either, it's been a year. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and I am so worried about son's future now. I only hope this is a temporary thing for him and that he will be better soon.
Please pray for my son.
`
During this time he has had constant gas too, with followed "excuse me's" about 50 times a day, very excessive. He's so polite. He can't watch many cartoons with scary characters anymore. The day crisis came he was excessively washing his hands and blowing his nose. I had never seen anything like this happen before to him. He didn't want burgers on anything, and freaked if one was on his shirt, couch, anything. He couldn't use the same kleenex twice. And he was very afraid of what his brain was telling him, this is what scared me the most for him. AH said when he walked in the door (right before crisis got here) it looked like OCD. I told him be quiet what does he know.
The thing is is that I don't want it to continue. He hasn't excessively washed or worried about his nose since that day. But the constant gas and burping is worrying me. He tells me many many times a day that he is swallowing his burgers also. I guess he means post nasal, back of the throat stuff.
I can't do visits anymore and have requested I be removed, because AH has lied excessively through this whole process instead of just getting sober and becoming the father he needs to be. He went into the bathroom at the movie on Wed alone with son, he's not supposed to do this either. I was concerned he hurt him in there too. Emotionally I can't handle this anymore either, it's been a year. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and I am so worried about son's future now. I only hope this is a temporary thing for him and that he will be better soon.
Please pray for my son.
`
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Your son is just a little guy yet. Does he go to school?
Have you brought him to his dr about any of this?
Of course I'll pray for your little boy. What is his name?
Do you think the visits with his dad are a good thing?
My 35 yr old son is now a single dad of 2 little boys, 7 & 4. I don't think their mother is good for them either. She came to see them in Sept for their birthdays loaded with expensive gifts, now they haven't seen her since & it hurts them. It makes me furious at her that she only comes when she needs to not when they need her!
Have you brought him to his dr about any of this?
Of course I'll pray for your little boy. What is his name?
Do you think the visits with his dad are a good thing?
My 35 yr old son is now a single dad of 2 little boys, 7 & 4. I don't think their mother is good for them either. She came to see them in Sept for their birthdays loaded with expensive gifts, now they haven't seen her since & it hurts them. It makes me furious at her that she only comes when she needs to not when they need her!
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Location: Union Mo
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I am going to put this out here for what reason I dont know. I dont mean to scare you but is it possible that just maybe, dad could be slipping son something to make him freak out like this? Maybe in food or drink? Ive heard of this on news all the time and we never think something like this could ever happen to us. Its just a thought. I was reading over your post and it seems your sons panic comes only from while seeing dad and lasting for short period after. I certainly dont know what motives there would be but is it a possibility? YOu mentioned he took son to bathroom while at movies alone. You think maybe he is telling something to son to mak him freak out? Putting these voices in his head? I pray that court goes well today and visits can be stopped for awhile.
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If this is what the visits are doing to the little guy you need to stop them right away. What on earth would possess his dad to flip him across the head, and then to deny it in front of your son. What kind of message does that send to his son "lies". You little boy obviously some kind of distress. Maybe som distance between he and his dad will put him at ease. Children act out in very different ways. Im sorry you and you son have to go through this. (((( hugs & Prayers))))
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Judge ordered dad temporary unsupervised visits yesterday 2 times a week.
Wed 4-8:15pm, and Sat 4-7pm. I can't tell you how shocked I am. We were hardly able to get a word in court, but specified he had missed 4 visits in the last month, dad getting rough w/ son, everything, and what happened to son beginning Wed before last.
Please everyone pray, pray if God doesn't want this to happen. The first visit would be this Wed. I pray God will move Heaven and earth to stop it if He knows son would not be safe emotionally, mentally, or in any other way. All I care is my son is safe, and I don't feel he is with dad. Dad tested positive for opiates, but is prescribed percocet (He's a NA). That was the only drug mentioned in court. My lawyer never got notes he requested from his primary Dr.
Wed 4-8:15pm, and Sat 4-7pm. I can't tell you how shocked I am. We were hardly able to get a word in court, but specified he had missed 4 visits in the last month, dad getting rough w/ son, everything, and what happened to son beginning Wed before last.
Please everyone pray, pray if God doesn't want this to happen. The first visit would be this Wed. I pray God will move Heaven and earth to stop it if He knows son would not be safe emotionally, mentally, or in any other way. All I care is my son is safe, and I don't feel he is with dad. Dad tested positive for opiates, but is prescribed percocet (He's a NA). That was the only drug mentioned in court. My lawyer never got notes he requested from his primary Dr.
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Originally Posted by NeedingHelp7 
Please everyone pray, pray if God doesn't want this to happen. The first visit would be this Wed. I pray God will move Heaven and earth to stop it if He knows son would not be safe emotionally, mentally, or in any other way. All I care is my son is safe, and I don't feel he is with dad. Dad tested positive for opiates, but is prescribed percocet (He's a NA). That was the only drug mentioned in court. My lawyer never got notes he requested from his primary Dr.
The only thing you can do is keep after this situation. Keep complaining to the court. Keep complaining to your son's doctor. Document everything. Make a journal that describes each visit. (Early, late, on-time. High, sober, any violent incidents, bruises, everything.)
You need any professional ally that you can get. If you can get your son a therapist, take your son to the therapist and have the son talk with the therapist out of your presence.
If your lawyer can't get the doctors notes fast enough, you should go get them and hand-deliver them to the lawyer. Call a few days before the next hearing to make sure that those doctors notes have gotten to the lawyer.
I hope your ex fails to make his visitation. It would be the best thing for your son.
You're going to have be an itsy-bitsy spider. Every time something happens, you keep climbing up the water spot. Good luck. Don't give up. You're the only one who can fight for your son.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
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I say this with love and respect....
keep your son away from his father. Although I am a person that believes everyone should be in touch with their parents, his father is obviously harming him.
keep your son away from his father. Although I am a person that believes everyone should be in touch with their parents, his father is obviously harming him.
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Please say some prayers for son today. Today is supposed to be the first unsupervised visit w/ dad. Praying God will move Heaven and Earth to stop the visit if it wouldn't be safe for son. Thankyou all for your care and words of wisdom.
NH7
NH7
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Here's a roundabout idea. I dont know what your local resources are but you could contact your local mental health department and set up an appointment for your son - most have counseling services for kids. Tell them that your son is having emotional problems after visits with his dad and you want to get him some help. If your son admits abuse to them they are going to step in and stop the contact with dad. you have to protect your son anyway possible. When i had trouble getting my son help a doctor told me to call everyone, go to every office anyone that would listen. I went to juvenille court, mental health, called county, state, national hotlines, defacs - i talked to everyone. when i went in front of the judge i was able to give reports from other government agencies - once they saw and spoke with the other branches they understood that this child had problems and needed help.
But be forewarned - If you have anything of your own to hide dont do it because its going to come out. I have allowed myself to be investigated and have been completely transparent to them. Some things were hard to have thrown out in public view but it was worth it to me. If you dont want that to happen take him to a psychiatrist and see if they can get to the bottom of whats going on - at a minimum they can tell if its an emotional problem or a medical one. If they find abuse then you get it in writing and take it to the judge.
But be forewarned - If you have anything of your own to hide dont do it because its going to come out. I have allowed myself to be investigated and have been completely transparent to them. Some things were hard to have thrown out in public view but it was worth it to me. If you dont want that to happen take him to a psychiatrist and see if they can get to the bottom of whats going on - at a minimum they can tell if its an emotional problem or a medical one. If they find abuse then you get it in writing and take it to the judge.
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Winnie, he is now seeing a counselor who works especially with children. His first appt. was last Tues. and this Friday his next. He will be speaking with her alone this time. It will take time to establish a relationship w/ her, etc.
Thankyou.
Thankyou.
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Do you have an attorney? if you cant afford one could you call your State Bar and see if they have any that do probono work or go through legal aid? you need some help keeping this child safe. Also is your son old enough that he would contact you if something bad happened and/or does he know to call 911?
Could the excessive gas be due to stress? my daughter has stress related stomach problems - her doc actually said its pretty common with children, especially those going through the things our children are - she takes otc drugs for it.
I will pray for your son to stay safe.
Could the excessive gas be due to stress? my daughter has stress related stomach problems - her doc actually said its pretty common with children, especially those going through the things our children are - she takes otc drugs for it.
I will pray for your son to stay safe.
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