I am Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
I am Struggling
Hi everyone. I have been reading all the posts all morning and I just have to get this off my chest. I am at work today, and as you can see I am NOT working. I can't concentrate, cannot focus and my head is in a really bad place.
My daughter had 8 months clean until a couple of weeks ago, and now she is using again. In the months that she has been clean, she has worked a program, had weekly counseling, was also in a Suboxone program. She also kept a job had $500-600 saved in bank and was doing well. She is 24 and has had some major medical issues up until the last couple of years. Some of the medications that she has taken has wreaked havoc on her bones and teeth. Everything has been resolved except her teeth, which all have to be pulled and some surgery on her jaw bones. That is what happened. She went and had a surgery in which she was given Percosets (pain meds is her doc). Then when she called her Sub Dr. she was told that she could not come back until all dental work was finished, which may take until February! Her counseling told her to come back when dental work was done also. I feel like they threw her to the wolves. She does not have to take pain meds all thru this time and she tried to tell them that. No body would listen. Now with that said, she has continued to take the meds because, well because she is a drug addict. And her life is falling apart and so is mine. She and my 2 grandchildren live with me and my husband, they are 2 and 5 and very CUTE! Her bank account is overdrawn, it's 2 weeks until X-mas and she has bought no presents for kids, she doesn't sleep. When I got up at 6:00 this morning she wasn't there, although I guess it was good that she went and talked with her sponser, who works night shift at the same restaurant that she works at. But I see the patterns and chaos beginning all again and I just don't think I can go thru this again. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't live in the same household with me but I don't think I could ask her to leave just yet with it being Christmas and everything. I ask my 5 year old grandson the other night what he would think about him and Mommy and brother being able to get their own apartment soon. His response was I am not going anywhere until I grow up. I want to live with you and Papaw. Now what do I do with that? I know I am rambling but I have all these thoughts in my head and don't know what to do with them. I keep praying for my HP to show me the way. But if he's showing me I can't see it, or I'm not listening hard enough. Thanks for listening to me. Maybe writing this down I can get back to work and focus. But I don't think that is going to happen today.
I just want you all to know that I appreciate you and your posts, I read them alot. Your attitudes and knowledge and caring about the other people on this forum really touches my heart.
Hope you all have a good day.
Gotahavfaith
My daughter had 8 months clean until a couple of weeks ago, and now she is using again. In the months that she has been clean, she has worked a program, had weekly counseling, was also in a Suboxone program. She also kept a job had $500-600 saved in bank and was doing well. She is 24 and has had some major medical issues up until the last couple of years. Some of the medications that she has taken has wreaked havoc on her bones and teeth. Everything has been resolved except her teeth, which all have to be pulled and some surgery on her jaw bones. That is what happened. She went and had a surgery in which she was given Percosets (pain meds is her doc). Then when she called her Sub Dr. she was told that she could not come back until all dental work was finished, which may take until February! Her counseling told her to come back when dental work was done also. I feel like they threw her to the wolves. She does not have to take pain meds all thru this time and she tried to tell them that. No body would listen. Now with that said, she has continued to take the meds because, well because she is a drug addict. And her life is falling apart and so is mine. She and my 2 grandchildren live with me and my husband, they are 2 and 5 and very CUTE! Her bank account is overdrawn, it's 2 weeks until X-mas and she has bought no presents for kids, she doesn't sleep. When I got up at 6:00 this morning she wasn't there, although I guess it was good that she went and talked with her sponser, who works night shift at the same restaurant that she works at. But I see the patterns and chaos beginning all again and I just don't think I can go thru this again. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't live in the same household with me but I don't think I could ask her to leave just yet with it being Christmas and everything. I ask my 5 year old grandson the other night what he would think about him and Mommy and brother being able to get their own apartment soon. His response was I am not going anywhere until I grow up. I want to live with you and Papaw. Now what do I do with that? I know I am rambling but I have all these thoughts in my head and don't know what to do with them. I keep praying for my HP to show me the way. But if he's showing me I can't see it, or I'm not listening hard enough. Thanks for listening to me. Maybe writing this down I can get back to work and focus. But I don't think that is going to happen today.
I just want you all to know that I appreciate you and your posts, I read them alot. Your attitudes and knowledge and caring about the other people on this forum really touches my heart.
Hope you all have a good day.
Gotahavfaith
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Somehow, the stuff that hurts hurts even more this time of year.
Maybe just take this one day at a time, rather than projecting into the future. Maybe she will get help again, maybe she'll go to meetings and find support there that she is missing from counseling. Maybe...
How about finding a few meetings for yourself. That's what helped me find the courage to do what I needed to to and it also helped me regain my balance and live life better than I ever had before.
Those children are lucky to have you in their lives, and maybe that little one is smarter than you think. Maybe he knows it is safer with you.
My heart and prayers go out for you and your family.
Hugs from one mom to another
Maybe just take this one day at a time, rather than projecting into the future. Maybe she will get help again, maybe she'll go to meetings and find support there that she is missing from counseling. Maybe...
How about finding a few meetings for yourself. That's what helped me find the courage to do what I needed to to and it also helped me regain my balance and live life better than I ever had before.
Those children are lucky to have you in their lives, and maybe that little one is smarter than you think. Maybe he knows it is safer with you.
My heart and prayers go out for you and your family.
Hugs from one mom to another
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 101
I don't have any advice, gotahvfaith, but wanted to send mom hugs to you!
I'm going through something similar, so like everyone else here, I feel your pain.
Hang in there and Ann had some wonderful advice!!
I'm going through something similar, so like everyone else here, I feel your pain.
Hang in there and Ann had some wonderful advice!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
gotahvfaith,
I'm so sorry about everything you are going thru due to your daughter's addiction. The addict in my life is my exhusband but we have a son together. He was 5 when I left his dad and he will be 10 next month. The absolute hardest part about my whole ordeal was how much it hurt my heart to see my son suffer. The kids are such innocent victims in all of this. Your grandchildren are so blessed to have you and 'pawpaw' in their life...I'm sure you give them a sense of stability and security that they need not to mention lots of love.
Ann had some great advice. I just want you to know that your post touched my heart and you and your family are in my prayers today. Give those sweet kids a big hug. They will give you the strength you need to get thru this...I know my son did.
I'm so sorry about everything you are going thru due to your daughter's addiction. The addict in my life is my exhusband but we have a son together. He was 5 when I left his dad and he will be 10 next month. The absolute hardest part about my whole ordeal was how much it hurt my heart to see my son suffer. The kids are such innocent victims in all of this. Your grandchildren are so blessed to have you and 'pawpaw' in their life...I'm sure you give them a sense of stability and security that they need not to mention lots of love.
Ann had some great advice. I just want you to know that your post touched my heart and you and your family are in my prayers today. Give those sweet kids a big hug. They will give you the strength you need to get thru this...I know my son did.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sending hugs and prayers your way. The one thing I have a question about is was your daughter honest with both her dentist and her suboxone doctor. When my daughter fell and bruised her ribs she was given Ultram. She told the emergency room doctor that she was using suboxone and that she was an opiate addict. The doctor gave her 10 pills and told her to see her family doctor. Her family doctor called her suboxone doctor before prescribing more medication for my daughter. When someone is on suboxone and is properly using it, they can not get high from pain medication unless they take a huge amount of it. Also the suboxone fills the receptors in the brain so that it is harder to get pain relief from pills. It is too bad that her dentist and sub doctor could not have gotten together and formulated a plan for her so she could have been successful, but again it was her responsibility to make sure that she was upfront with both of them. Too many times addicts will abuse the subs and use them as a means to be able to use without suffering withdrawals and her sub doctor may feel that your daughter is doing just that. Hugs, Marle
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm so sorry you are hurting so, but I am so glad you are there for your grandkids. I have found that when I feel myself being sucked back into the pain, I have to go with one moment at a time, not just one day. Like Ann mentioned, I also found plenty of reading of recovery material, coming here and going to Naranon to really help me stay on track, or at least not slip too far off it. I have had to work my recovery as hard as my addicted loved one. Sending hugs, prayers and appreciation for you and your husband. Thanks for providing stability to those young ones.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 1,221
You must feel so disappointed and sad...but don't give up hope..I have been trusting God with my children, I have been worried about my daughter too with health problems, she is on pain medication for her migraines and she's losing weight, besides having emotional problems..it is scarey for us when we feel so helpless..So thats why I have to keep praying for her and let God take care of her...(hugs)
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