whereami

I thought I was doing so well...moving on and trying to get over exaf but he called and I stupidly picked up and he proceeded to say how he is getting on his feet to get a house and wants to move us to his hometown and have holidays together. I know better he is still addicted to the narcos but why the hell am I grieving and freaking out over whether or not he loves me. I mean he just bought a "secret" cell phone that is supposed to be so I can call anytime but yet his mom said she caught him deleting calls he made on her phone. He got a stipend from work and bought that when I and his child are living at my moms...If youve read my past I am addicted to an addict and broke up but am still grieving him. We have a small child together and he is "quacking" and I am so lonely I want to believe it. The other thing is that I met someone who I chat with and am pushing him away by being distant at times...I have got to get over this fantasy that the old comfortable way is the only way. I have to take a chance on love the real love and I am so scared what is wrong with me?

Fulldresser4

Hi....I am not in your shoes but I just want you to know that someone cares...I will be praying for you (((hugs)))

whereami

Thankyou so much...I just wish I were stronger right now...I miss him but not the bad things just having someone I know...familiar...and i am scared i will be stuck forever at my parents house...I feel like a loser...I will be ok ...pray for me?

GwenMarie30

I will pray for you too. I know how hard this is.

dogged

sometimes it just takes awhile to process everyhting in our head, and what is the most difficult is logically we know we know we need to get away, but our heart betrays us,,in time the heart ansd mind will join together in time when you see that many of the promises are just a fantasy of what they would like to have happen, and reality is different....focus on you by getting your own place your own life and little by little everyhting will come together for you..it takes time..its not going to happen within 3 mo or 6, its been a year for me and i still struggle at times but it is way better than it used to be, we allowed ourselves to in denial for so long it takes awhile before we see the truth of the situation and slowly our mind catches up ..good luck, take one day at a time and focus on what you want for your future ..what you want has really nothing to do with him, regardless of whatever relationship your in..you need to fulfill your dreams and goals first,to create the life you desire

Impurrfect

I am praying for you, too, and sending lots of cyber-hugs.

Dogged is right. It just takes time. We have days where we feel like we are making progress, feeling good about our decision, then we have days where we question ourselves and feel like we haven't made any progress at all. I know, for me, I questioned my progress and felt more "stuck" any time I talked to him. That's why I couldn't talk to him.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm going through the same thing with my ADDICTION recovery. I've lived on my own since I was 18. At the ripe old age of 47, I am living back home with my dad and stepmom because of my financial consequences of using.

A year ago, I couldn't wait to get a place of my own. Today, I see that I'm right where I need to be, and though it's not perfect, I'm able to focus on my recovery and that's what I need to.

Things will get better. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you are doing what is best for you. It may not feel that way, right now, but it's the truth. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I've actually got THREE XABF's and I'm grateful, today, that they are all ex's.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Troubledone

I can't answer the question "what is wrong with me", I can only offer my experience and hope that some piece if it might be helpful.

One of the things I figured out after a lot of pain, is how to not abandon myself when others abandoned me.

I believe we codies have one thing in common with addicts - an inability to love ourselves in a healthy way. What helped me is to figure out what loving and taking care of myself was and doing it. I came to appreciate my strength and value without the validation of those who would manipulate me for thier own gain.

Therapy can help and trust in your HP can help.

And when I filled up the empty hole in me with loving and valuing myself and letting in (and really feeling and appreciating) the healthy love that was available from friends and family, I didn't have quite the desperate need for men who didn't treat me right. And when a good guy did come along I recognized it, was available for it and took it at the right pace.

Prayers that you find the place of love and strength that is already in you.

Still Waters

Can you get to a local meeting? Face to face meetings with others who are going through similar situations as yours is very empowering for me.

Something I've found out about loving an addict: I find that I have a very difficult time making a decision. I don't know why that is, but it is. And it sounds like you have this same problem.

Just take it minute by minute, and remember that you are capable of making good decisions.

NeedingHelp7

Whereami, You've had a loss, and your grieving. Detaching from abf will help you survive. I know it's hard.
Hugs to you and the baby. Take gentle care of yourselves, and have faith.
"Footprints in the sand."

NH7

baxter

Prayers. Things will get better and it's hard, but it will be worth it.

funkzter

Hi, i totaly understand where you stand today. I haven't broken up with my rabf but it sure feels like it since i hardly see him since he's in rehab and i'm really wondering what will happen and if i should start to look somewhere else...It just seems the past years have been in "waiting mode" and i'm fed up with that.
Hope you'll see clearer soon
xo
Carine