missmygirls

I am the mother of an adult son who is addicted to pain killers. He began the methadone program 2 yrs. ago and I cannot see much improvement. In fact, in many ways it is much worse. Since the methadone is legal, he feels that he has his problem under control. He meets with the counselor or the week (there seems to be a lot of turnover at this place) but attends no meetings.

When he began the methadone he was living in a half way house, attending church, was working and seemed to be getting his life together somewhat. However, his wife and daughters, who had moved with him to the state I currently live in, moved back to her home state and separated from him. He decided to leave the half way house earlier than they recommended to follow her in hopes of a reconciliation. That was almost 2 yrs ago and his life choices and actions while on Methadone have destroyed every relationship he had. He has stolen from us, his wife, other family members and friends to get the money for his daily methadone. He can't hold a job for any length of time, does nothing to support his kids, had a vehicle impounded for driving with no brakes to get to the Metadone Clinic and on and on and on. The only difference between the Metadone and the pills is the cost.

His father and I have almost no contact with him. We gave him a cell phone just so he could let us know he is alive but don't hear from him unless he wants something. He rarely sees his kids and has no relationship that we no of with anyone other than the people from the Methadone Clinic.

I have distanced myself and help only when I feel it is the right thing for me to do in order to have peace with myself. But we have been living this nightmare for over six years and I honestly don't see it ever ending. I hate what his life has become. I hate the choices this disease has forced me to make to maintain my own sanity and protect my sweet granddaughters. I pray that he will get help but know that he is the one that will have to decide that is what he is ready to do. I also have accepted that he may never reach that point.

He is not a mean or bad person. But this disease has made him do some pretty mean and bad things. I know some of what baggage he is carrying from his actions but probably don't know half of it. Mainly I just get so tired of having to set these stupid boundaries that push him away even further. But worse is I can't let him back into my life and go through the hell his actions caused before we just couldn't take anymore.

I know I am not alone and thank you for letting me share my feelings.

M

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

You definitely are not alone. There are some wonderful people here, and most are still going through what you're going through.

I'm sure others will be along, shortly, but I recommend reading through some other posts, the "stickies" at the top of the forum, and get comfortable here..you're among friends.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hello-kitty

Hi and welcome. Have you considered disconnecting the cell phone and seeing what happens?

BBD

Hi missmygirls, I hear you hon. It's such a hard place to be watching our sons make amuck of their lives and not being able to do a thing about it. My son is also the one I think of daily. His drug of choice is cocaine and tells me he no longer is on it~~~but the trust issue is a big thing with me. My son has a job, lives on his own~~~~and doesn't have children. I can hear the pain in your voice and by being here you will get alot of support...and love!! Smiles, Bonnie

cassandra2

I am starting out in the very beginning of your son's story.
My exabf has a BIG problem with oxy's. He is now out of our home and living with family. Oxy's have destroyed our family. My ex hurt himself on the job and began using the pills and over the last year he has progressed so much in his abuse that I dont even recognize the person he is anymore.

He still talks the same kinda looks the same but his head is out in left field.
I cant say that I understand how you feel because its your son but I do understand the pain of watching your loved one go down the tubes.

Stay on this site post often especially when you need to vent. The people here are wonderful and have been a huge help to me with this whole issue. I have learned alot in the few short weeks I have been on here.

My prayers are with you and your family.

wenchris

There are many many mothers of AS and AD daughters who will support you every day.

Nice to have you here.:ghug

baxter

Welcome. I know what you mean by having to set boundary after boundary. Just when I think I had everything covered something new would pop up and it would be an even bigger wedge between me and AD.

Right now I'm working on how to do the holidays and while I want to see AD, more so the grandchildren, I also don't want any of the chaos that comes with it. I do think, with the help of everyone here, I'd be able to stick to my boundaries of what I'll discuss and tolerate in my house. Fingers crossed.

Lots of people here with good advice so check it all out.

SerenityGirl

Hi missmygirls, I'm fairly new too, I have a son that is an alcoholic and can't seem to stay sober for very long. Also a daughter that has emotional problems, and seems to have crisis after crisis. I am so glad I found this forum so I don't feel alone with this and to learn how others are coping.

marle

Welcome to SR. My daughter is my addict. She is currently clean off from a bad heroin habit. I know that when my daughter was using she abused methadone to get high, so when she decided to get clean she was put on Suboxone. Prayers for your son. I know how devastating addiction can be. Hugs, Marle

caileesnana

I also have an addict daughter. I don't believe there is anything more hurtful and sad to a parent.

Keep reading and coming back, you are not alone and we care and understand!
susan

JMFburns

Hi Miss,

Welcome to SR. Mom of 28 yr old AS (oxys.)

I am struggling w/how (if possible) to have any relationship w/him without losing my own sanity and setting boundaries about not providing any financial support. He does not live w/me, but has no permanent place of his own right now. Just recently (3+ weeks) claims he is working 1 FT job and a couple small PT jobs, not sure if I believe him or not - I so want to have hope, to believe that he is trying to "do the right thing."

Take care of yourself, Joan

missmygirls

Thank you for your replies. I thought I was handling everything o.k. But I miss my girls. I miss my granddaughters and my daughter-in-law so much. I know, I hope, they are better off than when they lived here and had to deal daily with my son's addiction and all of the daily drama. But truthfully, I just don't know. Everytime I see them it is great. But when I have to leave or they leave me, the tears start. They don't understand why we are not together like we used to be. Maybe I am reading too much into it and they are just kids and don't want something fun, like being with your grandma, to end. Maybe all that has happened has affected my judgement and I know I feel so much guilt about what has happened to them and their dad. Even though I don't know what else could have been done differently, I blame myself. I guess what I am really saying is that I just don't know.

But thank you all for your concern and your understanding.

grateful2b

Missmygirls, I am sorry your family is going through this..addiction is a family disease and affects everyone..

welcome to SR, I am glad you are here there are many wonderful parents here at different places along this road..
my addict is my daughter(alcohol and drugs) this place has been a blessing in my life..hugs, Grateful

hope213

welcome to S.R. setting boundries is a good thing. you are doing the right thing there. read around & focus on you. keep coming back. i am also the mom of an addict son(a.s.) s.r. saved my sanity. prayers for your son & for you.