So glad this place is here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Orange County, NY
Posts: 116
So glad this place is here...
I'm so glad I found this place where I can come and be honest, and you guys all know where I am coming from.
AS was released from detox on Thursday and the rehab picked him up and brought him over. I got a call from his counselor on Friday. He was starting his "I want to leave" thing again. She said he told then (even in group) that I can drug test him everyday, he'll go to work..blah blah blah. She wanted me to talk to him, to be strong, but I had to make it clear to him that if he chose to leave there, not to call me. Through all this I've never had to say this, because he has always backed down and given in to staying put.
She stayed with me on speakerphone for support, and AS came into her office. She said I have your mom on the phone and he immediately said I'll stay. She said fine, but you need to know that in the next 72 hours you'll want to leave again, and if you do, you need to know where your mom stands. I had to say it, through my tears, that if he chooses to leave, not to call me, that I cannot help him kill himself any longer. That the next call I'd like to get is that though it is tough, he is doing what he is supposed to there. She's very tough, told him lots he needed to hear, how he has upset all of us by doing this, caused anxiety, and you don't do that to the ones you love. I believe he is on blackout week so I won't hear from him, but she said she'd call tomorrow.
That phone call has sucked the very life out of me...no..I'll change that...this whole situation has sucked the life out of me. I have been a nervous wreck, on edge constantly waiting for the next ball to drop. I miss him terribly, my son, not the ghost of the person I sent to Florida two weeks ago. I went food shopping today and had suck an anxiety attack, that I almost started bawling in the Shoprite. LOL.
I know you guys won't judge me...you know what I am feeling. The few people who do know what's going just don't "get it". On another note, I found a local Families Anonymous meeting for Thursday. I'm gonna go check it out.
Just wanted to say thanks for your support, your wisdom, you prayers. As I read all of your posts, I know we are all different, but dealing with the same thing.
Eileen
AS was released from detox on Thursday and the rehab picked him up and brought him over. I got a call from his counselor on Friday. He was starting his "I want to leave" thing again. She said he told then (even in group) that I can drug test him everyday, he'll go to work..blah blah blah. She wanted me to talk to him, to be strong, but I had to make it clear to him that if he chose to leave there, not to call me. Through all this I've never had to say this, because he has always backed down and given in to staying put.
She stayed with me on speakerphone for support, and AS came into her office. She said I have your mom on the phone and he immediately said I'll stay. She said fine, but you need to know that in the next 72 hours you'll want to leave again, and if you do, you need to know where your mom stands. I had to say it, through my tears, that if he chooses to leave, not to call me, that I cannot help him kill himself any longer. That the next call I'd like to get is that though it is tough, he is doing what he is supposed to there. She's very tough, told him lots he needed to hear, how he has upset all of us by doing this, caused anxiety, and you don't do that to the ones you love. I believe he is on blackout week so I won't hear from him, but she said she'd call tomorrow.
That phone call has sucked the very life out of me...no..I'll change that...this whole situation has sucked the life out of me. I have been a nervous wreck, on edge constantly waiting for the next ball to drop. I miss him terribly, my son, not the ghost of the person I sent to Florida two weeks ago. I went food shopping today and had suck an anxiety attack, that I almost started bawling in the Shoprite. LOL.
I know you guys won't judge me...you know what I am feeling. The few people who do know what's going just don't "get it". On another note, I found a local Families Anonymous meeting for Thursday. I'm gonna go check it out.
Just wanted to say thanks for your support, your wisdom, you prayers. As I read all of your posts, I know we are all different, but dealing with the same thing.
Eileen
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Welcome Eileen!
It is wonderful to have you here.
You did good and you can breathe now.
Timne to focus on you now. Can you handle that? What I mean by that is being NICE to yourself. Bubble baths, reading trash magazines, naps, etc. Whatever brings a smile to your face and has NOTHING to do with AS.
I will leave the real advice to the wonderful others here who know of what they speak. I
am just a recovering alcoholic that wanted to offer a hug!
It is wonderful to have you here.
You did good and you can breathe now.
Timne to focus on you now. Can you handle that? What I mean by that is being NICE to yourself. Bubble baths, reading trash magazines, naps, etc. Whatever brings a smile to your face and has NOTHING to do with AS.
I will leave the real advice to the wonderful others here who know of what they speak. I
am just a recovering alcoholic that wanted to offer a hug!
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
****{Sister}}}
you did it....you did that hard thing, drawing that big line in the sand...so hard to do but you did it....good for you!
now its time for you to nurture you, do the things that will help your heart and nerves heal a little bit..and like TTOSBT said find stuff that makes you smile...
your families meeting on thursday is a great idea.
big momma hugs for you
you did it....you did that hard thing, drawing that big line in the sand...so hard to do but you did it....good for you!
now its time for you to nurture you, do the things that will help your heart and nerves heal a little bit..and like TTOSBT said find stuff that makes you smile...
your families meeting on thursday is a great idea.
big momma hugs for you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Eileen, I, for one, would never judge anyone on this site. We have all been there. It took me years to finally get it together and tell my son~~No more. The crazy anxious feelings were getting to me also. Its so hard being out in public and feeling like your going to pass out and being consumed with fear. After counceling and many alanon meetings I finally get the hint. Stand tall and be strong. You did the right thing and hopefully your son will stay put. Hang in there sweety and my prayers are with you. Smiles, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Eileen, I don't really know if it ever gets easier, but we do get better at the detaching and realizing that there really is nothing we can do about whether our addicts get and keep recovery. My daughter relapsed with alcohol and although I am sad and disappointed I absolutely know that this struggle is hers and hers alone. Takes a big burden off my shoulders when I can give her to God. Hugs and prayers coming your way. You are not alone. Marle
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Eileen))
As a recovering addict (and codie) I am so sorry to see another mom going through all this and I am reminded of what I put MY family through.
I can also say that, though it was hard for you to say what you did, you did the best thing for both of you. As long as we A's think we have a soft place to land if we screw up, we usually don't take recovery seriously.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As a recovering addict (and codie) I am so sorry to see another mom going through all this and I am reminded of what I put MY family through.
I can also say that, though it was hard for you to say what you did, you did the best thing for both of you. As long as we A's think we have a soft place to land if we screw up, we usually don't take recovery seriously.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Eileen, I know of what you speak. The all consuming fear and heartbreak. But take it from me it does get better. Then it will sneak up on you when you least expect it. Our job is to stay strong, with feet planted in cement. There is no other way. They, our A's have to fall and fall hard to get it. Maybe not even then. But we cannot budge a inch. My prayer for you and your son. My heart aches for you and all of us here. Hang in there...... know that for at least now he is in a safe place and you can take a few minutes for your life. Love to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Orange County, NY
Posts: 116
Thanks for the wishes...I am surely trying to remain calm. You all know what it's like..it's the first thing that smacks you in the face when you wake up. Sometimes I feel like screaming. I asked my daughter (17) to come to the meeting with me on Thursday and I got a NO. But it's ok, I'm going anyway. Feeling those prayers from all of you, ****************{hugs}}}}}}}}}}
Eileen
Eileen
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: At the zoo
Posts: 244
(((((((((((Sister)))))))))))))
Big mom hugs!!!!!!
It's so hard to tell you kid that they cannot come home. I thought I would curl up and die when I told by RAD that if she left rehab or detox that she would have to find some where else to go. But I said it and meant it, and she's been clean for 14 months now.
It doesn't get easier, but when you realize that you can't cure them, they have to cure themselves, it does make you feel better, if only a little.
Good luck with the meetings, they do help.
Big mom hugs!!!!!!
It's so hard to tell you kid that they cannot come home. I thought I would curl up and die when I told by RAD that if she left rehab or detox that she would have to find some where else to go. But I said it and meant it, and she's been clean for 14 months now.
It doesn't get easier, but when you realize that you can't cure them, they have to cure themselves, it does make you feel better, if only a little.
Good luck with the meetings, they do help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 269
Sis,
I am feeling so proud of you! I really do understand where you are coming from...
I went thru the same "drama" with my RAH about 6 mths ago. He wanted to leave and was lieing to me about the things going on in rehab. I did the phone call on speaker with my hubby and his counsler and I guess it helped. He made it the 34 days in rehab and has been clean since. I am praying for you and your son.
Have a great day,
Trina
I am feeling so proud of you! I really do understand where you are coming from...
I went thru the same "drama" with my RAH about 6 mths ago. He wanted to leave and was lieing to me about the things going on in rehab. I did the phone call on speaker with my hubby and his counsler and I guess it helped. He made it the 34 days in rehab and has been clean since. I am praying for you and your son.
Have a great day,
Trina
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
this place is a life saver isn't it.
you're not alone, we've all been there and some still are. i'm sorry you have to go through it but is part of the process i guess.
Stay strong, your son has to realize whats going on and eventually he will. this too is a process. Going to the meeting is an absolutley great idea and keep reading, the more you learn about the disease the more you'll know you need to look for your sanity. I believe in the 12 steps, as well as the power of attraction, learn to be happy and content and you will be. i know easier said than done but you can do it.
good luck to you and your son
you're not alone, we've all been there and some still are. i'm sorry you have to go through it but is part of the process i guess.
Stay strong, your son has to realize whats going on and eventually he will. this too is a process. Going to the meeting is an absolutley great idea and keep reading, the more you learn about the disease the more you'll know you need to look for your sanity. I believe in the 12 steps, as well as the power of attraction, learn to be happy and content and you will be. i know easier said than done but you can do it.
good luck to you and your son
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
Welcome to a lot of understanding and support here.
Ithink telling our kids no, you can't come home is one of the hardest things we have to say to ourselves and then to them. I also had to tell my RAD she could not come in my home till she decided to get help. It was my first experience saying that to her as she say there screaming and crying for hours at me. But it worked and she went to rehab and so far she has been clean almost four months and i pray she continues to choose this way.
I think you expressed it perfectly Eileen "It sucked the life out of you". It is a real ordeal we all go through and this place and Naranon meetings helped me a lot, because befor that I think I was a zombie not knowing what to do for her or me. I have had anxiety attacks also and I do hope yours will soon go away. Prayers for you and keep coming here and expressing yourself. ((((HUGS)))):codiepolice
Ithink telling our kids no, you can't come home is one of the hardest things we have to say to ourselves and then to them. I also had to tell my RAD she could not come in my home till she decided to get help. It was my first experience saying that to her as she say there screaming and crying for hours at me. But it worked and she went to rehab and so far she has been clean almost four months and i pray she continues to choose this way.
I think you expressed it perfectly Eileen "It sucked the life out of you". It is a real ordeal we all go through and this place and Naranon meetings helped me a lot, because befor that I think I was a zombie not knowing what to do for her or me. I have had anxiety attacks also and I do hope yours will soon go away. Prayers for you and keep coming here and expressing yourself. ((((HUGS)))):codiepolice
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Hi, been there and done that! You can't help how you feel. You did the right thing by sticking to your boundries. I caved in a few times before I stood my ground and Let Her Fall. It does work--they have to dig themselves out of their hell.
keep coming here, posting and reading. It saved my life.
susan
keep coming here, posting and reading. It saved my life.
susan
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