Too Quiet Night
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Too Quiet Night
I'm so freaking lonely I could cry. Actually, I have already. And I don't feel any better.
I keep telling myself if I keep taking my baby steps, things will be get better soon. In my mind, I know that must be true, but in my heart I just can't feel it yet.
Tomorrow is my 9th wedding anniversary. We speak only when necessary. I moved into the spare bedroom. He is angry at me because of all of this, yet little has changed with him, although he is out of pills again.
So, on a day we should be celebrating, I'm sure I will spend the night alone, just like tonight, just like so many other nights of the past 7 or so years. I may go to alanon.
I'm doing my best to stay active -- not saying no to any invitations my friends give me. Yet, there are still down times. I also try to remind myself of things I am grateful for.
I've heard others here on SR say there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Since I was an only child for a long time, I used to be ok with being alone. Now, the quiet is just too loud if that makes sense. Just having a hard time letting go maybe.
So, tomorrow is another day. I will get up, go to work, and go from there.
I keep telling myself if I keep taking my baby steps, things will be get better soon. In my mind, I know that must be true, but in my heart I just can't feel it yet.
Tomorrow is my 9th wedding anniversary. We speak only when necessary. I moved into the spare bedroom. He is angry at me because of all of this, yet little has changed with him, although he is out of pills again.
So, on a day we should be celebrating, I'm sure I will spend the night alone, just like tonight, just like so many other nights of the past 7 or so years. I may go to alanon.
I'm doing my best to stay active -- not saying no to any invitations my friends give me. Yet, there are still down times. I also try to remind myself of things I am grateful for.
I've heard others here on SR say there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Since I was an only child for a long time, I used to be ok with being alone. Now, the quiet is just too loud if that makes sense. Just having a hard time letting go maybe.
So, tomorrow is another day. I will get up, go to work, and go from there.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
(((hugs)))
I'm an only child too, and yes - there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I never felt more lonely in my life than when I was in the same space with my AH. When he was gone, or I was gone - and especially now, when I am alone in my space I am not lonely.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it's not comforting, but it sounds like part of the process. A time to be distracted, a time to feel the lonliness. It all will work towards giving you more help in your big and baby steps.
Before I came here, before I even knew about the addiction, for many years actually, when I knew my marriage was not what I wanted, I needed time to figure out if it was something I could live with and be happy, or not, I can remember going thru many of these times. I now know they were necessary.
Do you have a good book, or maybe a movie you can watch to distract yourself?
:ghug3
I'm an only child too, and yes - there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I never felt more lonely in my life than when I was in the same space with my AH. When he was gone, or I was gone - and especially now, when I am alone in my space I am not lonely.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it's not comforting, but it sounds like part of the process. A time to be distracted, a time to feel the lonliness. It all will work towards giving you more help in your big and baby steps.
Before I came here, before I even knew about the addiction, for many years actually, when I knew my marriage was not what I wanted, I needed time to figure out if it was something I could live with and be happy, or not, I can remember going thru many of these times. I now know they were necessary.
Do you have a good book, or maybe a movie you can watch to distract yourself?
:ghug3
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I was thinking a book or movie might be a good idea too. I also hope you're able to go to a meeting. More than any others they will know and understand your pain.
My RAD has been spending a lot of time with her group these days. I don't really know what to call the first meeting, it's more like a social gathering. Then it's followed by the actual meeting. She's staying as busy as she can.
My stepmother is a recovering alcoholic and she spends at least three hours a night at the hall. Every weekend they have a potluck and I swear she can make a gourmet meal out of turnips. She told me that just like my daughter, she has to stay connected and busy with her group or she'll relapse.
You know, we all know, we have to do the same. It's one thing for me to send you cyber hugs and another to actually get real ones. Be sure to get what you need to get you through another day.
Prayers for you and one of those cyber (((hugs)))
My RAD has been spending a lot of time with her group these days. I don't really know what to call the first meeting, it's more like a social gathering. Then it's followed by the actual meeting. She's staying as busy as she can.
My stepmother is a recovering alcoholic and she spends at least three hours a night at the hall. Every weekend they have a potluck and I swear she can make a gourmet meal out of turnips. She told me that just like my daughter, she has to stay connected and busy with her group or she'll relapse.
You know, we all know, we have to do the same. It's one thing for me to send you cyber hugs and another to actually get real ones. Be sure to get what you need to get you through another day.
Prayers for you and one of those cyber (((hugs)))
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Originally Posted by codeinewife 
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it's not comforting, but it sounds like part of the process. A time to be distracted, a time to feel the lonliness. It all will work towards giving you more help in your big and baby steps.
Before I came here, before I even knew about the addiction, for many years actually, when I knew my marriage was not what I wanted, I needed time to figure out if it was something I could live with and be happy, or not, I can remember going thru many of these times. I now know they were necessary.
Before I came here, before I even knew about the addiction, for many years actually, when I knew my marriage was not what I wanted, I needed time to figure out if it was something I could live with and be happy, or not, I can remember going thru many of these times. I now know they were necessary.
As for the lonliness, I also remember feeling lonely --even back when sleeping in the same bed with him. He has not been emotionally available to me for so long. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. So now I wonder if maybe it's more than just feeling lonely; it must also be that I feel something missing from my life -- whether it's "love" or if it's something within me I need to fix -- or both.
Watching movies is difficult because the TV is in his room. But I do love to read. Just lately my thoughts have been distracting me from being able to really get into my books. Can't seem to turn off my brain. I think that is part of the process too. I'm not giving up though. Thanks again, CW. :ghug3
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Originally Posted by Chino
My RAD has been spending a lot of time with her group these days. I don't really know what to call the first meeting, it's more like a social gathering. Then it's followed by the actual meeting. She's staying as busy as she can.
You know, we all know, we have to do the same. It's one thing for me to send you cyber hugs and another to actually get real ones. Be sure to get what you need to get you through another day.
You know, we all know, we have to do the same. It's one thing for me to send you cyber hugs and another to actually get real ones. Be sure to get what you need to get you through another day.
It's only one day right. I can do this. I will go to alanon. I think its time I try more than one group as well. Tomorrow night after the meeting a few regulars go to eat Mex food. Chips and salsa always make me feel better.
Distractions are very good sometimes.
And you made it through it without giving in and doing something you might later regret.
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important that fear."
Welcome to the next chapter of your life
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important that fear."
Welcome to the next chapter of your life
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
itisa ..... I am sorry you are lonely. I know that feeling and I totally know the feeling of being lonely when you are with other people. It is so good that you are reaching out here and that you are willing to go to a meeting. It is difficult sometimes to push ourselves to connect even though we also don't want to be alone.
Know that there are others who share your feelings and who are walking the same or similar scarey and sometimes lonely path. This is a good reminder for me to connect as well. I too have been feeling very alone and I know there is plenty missing in my life... just not 100% sure of what it is at this point..... the beauty... today IS another day and you can dig deep and find the strength to make it better. HUGS
Know that there are others who share your feelings and who are walking the same or similar scarey and sometimes lonely path. This is a good reminder for me to connect as well. I too have been feeling very alone and I know there is plenty missing in my life... just not 100% sure of what it is at this point..... the beauty... today IS another day and you can dig deep and find the strength to make it better. HUGS
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 230
There is a difference in being alone and being lonely. Sorry, your feeling that way. Being lonely is what got me from one bad relationship right into another and I wish I had taken your baby steps years ago.
I never really minded being alone but I hated that lonely feeling and I thought at that time that only another person, being in another relationship, could take that feeling away. Now I realize that my second AH was just a short term distraction, and I ended up in 16 years of misery wondering what was wrong with me. Good thing my daughter needed counseling and I got more from it than she did.
Today, even though I have a wonderful husband and a great group of friends sometimes I still find myself lonely at times. That's what makes this site so wonderful. Although they all know what I struggle with they don't know the actual devastation and emptiness or hopelessness you can feel, it's not happeneing directly to them. Wish I had meetings around here to go to.
Baby steps are good, gives us a chance to look around at our life and when we run everything just rushes right by and we miss a lot of beautiful things.
I never really minded being alone but I hated that lonely feeling and I thought at that time that only another person, being in another relationship, could take that feeling away. Now I realize that my second AH was just a short term distraction, and I ended up in 16 years of misery wondering what was wrong with me. Good thing my daughter needed counseling and I got more from it than she did.
Today, even though I have a wonderful husband and a great group of friends sometimes I still find myself lonely at times. That's what makes this site so wonderful. Although they all know what I struggle with they don't know the actual devastation and emptiness or hopelessness you can feel, it's not happeneing directly to them. Wish I had meetings around here to go to.
Baby steps are good, gives us a chance to look around at our life and when we run everything just rushes right by and we miss a lot of beautiful things.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
Itis,
I remember when I was married and feeling very lonely. I don't think there is a feeling worse then that when your with someone. I also had a brother growing up but it never was like on tv, I mean my brother ignored me most of the time so I felt I was alone most of the time. But I agree being alone and being lonely are two diffferent things.
I get lonely once in awhile when things are going wrong in my life now but I try to think of someone else who is worse off then me. Sometimes it works sometimes not. I also come here or came here a lot when going through everything with my ad and it helped me so much. Drugs and their problems aren't something you can just share with anyone so comming here is safe and comforting to me and I feel like I am not so alone.
I guess I am pretty happy not being in a relationship for so long but then we all have out war stories to remember so I am grateful where I am in that dept.
Reading and crafts or sewing may help...I hope so and ((((hugs))))):ghug3
I remember when I was married and feeling very lonely. I don't think there is a feeling worse then that when your with someone. I also had a brother growing up but it never was like on tv, I mean my brother ignored me most of the time so I felt I was alone most of the time. But I agree being alone and being lonely are two diffferent things.
I get lonely once in awhile when things are going wrong in my life now but I try to think of someone else who is worse off then me. Sometimes it works sometimes not. I also come here or came here a lot when going through everything with my ad and it helped me so much. Drugs and their problems aren't something you can just share with anyone so comming here is safe and comforting to me and I feel like I am not so alone.
I guess I am pretty happy not being in a relationship for so long but then we all have out war stories to remember so I am grateful where I am in that dept.
Reading and crafts or sewing may help...I hope so and ((((hugs))))):ghug3
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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imallright, baxter, beegee.....:ghug
Another reason to love this place: There is always so much we can learn from each other and what we've been through. Thanks for taking the time to reply. It really helps to know there are others who have been through the same struggles. And I learn from each of you.
I think the loneliness also has to do with my expectations for an anniversary. So, since my reality falls far short of my dreams/hopes, I was faced with that reality more directly than I usually am.
Feeling much better tonight. I did go to my meeting and then out to dinner afterwords. I almost lead the meeting because the scheduled one hadn't shown up. It would have been my first. But the original lady showed up and I was off the hook. I shared about how I was feeling and about it being my anniversary. Wow, did I get lots of hugs afterward -- along with lots of words of encouragement and how they see progress in me. Made me feel so good!
My AH and I didn't do anything. After he broke some dishes out of anger last night, partly from his withdrawals and partly because he wanted me to sleep with him, I was NOT in the mood to celebrate a darned thing. It's cool though, I stayed strong and I feel good about today and even tomorrow -- thanks to you and my alanon friends.
Another reason to love this place: There is always so much we can learn from each other and what we've been through. Thanks for taking the time to reply. It really helps to know there are others who have been through the same struggles. And I learn from each of you.
I think the loneliness also has to do with my expectations for an anniversary. So, since my reality falls far short of my dreams/hopes, I was faced with that reality more directly than I usually am.
Feeling much better tonight. I did go to my meeting and then out to dinner afterwords. I almost lead the meeting because the scheduled one hadn't shown up. It would have been my first. But the original lady showed up and I was off the hook. I shared about how I was feeling and about it being my anniversary. Wow, did I get lots of hugs afterward -- along with lots of words of encouragement and how they see progress in me. Made me feel so good!
My AH and I didn't do anything. After he broke some dishes out of anger last night, partly from his withdrawals and partly because he wanted me to sleep with him, I was NOT in the mood to celebrate a darned thing. It's cool though, I stayed strong and I feel good about today and even tomorrow -- thanks to you and my alanon friends.
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I'm so glad you went! Later on down the road, when you look back on this day, you'll remember all the shared love - not what was missing. You took charge of your destiny and that's a beautiful gift to give yourself
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Aaaaaaaaaaw Truth (((HUGS)))) <----------- BIG ONE!!!!!
Good for you for going to the meeting tonight!
You are doing really good and your strength is shining!
I'm looking forward to hearing all about Jack Johnson! <smile>
(((HUGS)))) <----------- BIG ONE!!!!! Good for you for going to the meeting tonight!
You are doing really good and your strength is shining!
I'm looking forward to hearing all about Jack Johnson! <smile>
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