I'm angry, but grateful
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm angry, but grateful
I just found out that my dad fell asleep at the wheel of his van, while on a trip. He's okay, the truck he hit is okay, and he just knocked off the mirror on his new van.
I've been after him, forever, to be worked up for sleep apnea, and he admits he "probably has it". He won't take the time to do it, though, says "I have to make a living". Stepmom told him if he dies, he doesn't have to worry about "making a living".
Even now, he won't pull over and go to sleep..says he's too rattled, and it's too hot (94 degrees wherever he is) to sleep in the van.
We are raising my 15-year-old niece, Brit, because her mom (Tina) died at the age of 18 from falling asleep at the wheel of a car. Brit was only 1, and, luckily, was not in the car. An innocent man also died when Tina hit his van. Her best friend was in ICU on a ventilator for a month.
I KNOW I can't fix this, I can't make him go to a doctor, and it makes me furious. Guess I just needed to vent.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I've been after him, forever, to be worked up for sleep apnea, and he admits he "probably has it". He won't take the time to do it, though, says "I have to make a living". Stepmom told him if he dies, he doesn't have to worry about "making a living".
Even now, he won't pull over and go to sleep..says he's too rattled, and it's too hot (94 degrees wherever he is) to sleep in the van.
We are raising my 15-year-old niece, Brit, because her mom (Tina) died at the age of 18 from falling asleep at the wheel of a car. Brit was only 1, and, luckily, was not in the car. An innocent man also died when Tina hit his van. Her best friend was in ICU on a ventilator for a month.
I KNOW I can't fix this, I can't make him go to a doctor, and it makes me furious. Guess I just needed to vent.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
Amy, I am sorry this is so nerve wracking, but I pray that this has given him pause , but he just isn't aware of it yet....and in the meantime prayers that he will be kept safe while he is out there...
, Grateful
, Grateful
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
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((( amy))) we can't make people do what we want them to even if it is for the best. i pray he does something before he kills himself & some one else too. he should realize this is not a good thing.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
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Amy, my husband has sleep apnea and I've been nagging him for years. Thankfully he doesn't drive long distances but his energy level has really taken a nosedive. He'll end up having a major heart attack from it, I can see the handwriting on the wall. I really want to slap him upside his head.
The last time my husband went to the doctor for something major, it's because I tricked him. Told him I was taking him to lunch. I think it's time for round two.
I'm glad your dad is OK and hope this scared him enough to do something about it. While you can't fix it, maybe you can remind him about Tina and all the suffering that happened, if you haven't already.
The last time my husband went to the doctor for something major, it's because I tricked him. Told him I was taking him to lunch. I think it's time for round two.
I'm glad your dad is OK and hope this scared him enough to do something about it. While you can't fix it, maybe you can remind him about Tina and all the suffering that happened, if you haven't already.
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I haven't talked to him yet...hope he is taking a nap!!
I realized this is something similar to what I put him through when I was using. He was trying to get me to quit, and I was stubborn and in denial. Guess we ARE a lot alike, huh?
Chino - I've been trying to think of a way to trick him or manipulate him to go, but haven't figured it out yet. Yes, I know that's NOT what a recovering codie should do, but it's been on my mind.
I think I'll just tell him how much he means to me and I can't bear the thought of losing him. I'll also tell him that if he were to kill someone else, he would never get over it. He's been better at listening to me, and actually taking advice, so hopefully it will work.
Thanks everyone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I realized this is something similar to what I put him through when I was using. He was trying to get me to quit, and I was stubborn and in denial. Guess we ARE a lot alike, huh?
Chino - I've been trying to think of a way to trick him or manipulate him to go, but haven't figured it out yet. Yes, I know that's NOT what a recovering codie should do, but it's been on my mind.
I think I'll just tell him how much he means to me and I can't bear the thought of losing him. I'll also tell him that if he were to kill someone else, he would never get over it. He's been better at listening to me, and actually taking advice, so hopefully it will work.
Thanks everyone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Amy, Sorry your dad had to go through that. Parents are difficult at times. My mom stopped driving because she has glucoma. She finally handed over her keys when she realized she could hurt a small child or anyone for that matter....but that was her thinking. (the child))...It kills her not to drive but at 82 I'm glad she isn't. Good luck with your dad. Hugs, Bonnie
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
I haven't talked to him yet...hope he is taking a nap!!
I realized this is something similar to what I put him through when I was using. He was trying to get me to quit, and I was stubborn and in denial. Guess we ARE a lot alike, huh?
Chino - I've been trying to think of a way to trick him or manipulate him to go, but haven't figured it out yet. Yes, I know that's NOT what a recovering codie should do, but it's been on my mind.
I think I'll just tell him how much he means to me and I can't bear the thought of losing him. I'll also tell him that if he were to kill someone else, he would never get over it. He's been better at listening to me, and actually taking advice, so hopefully it will work.
Thanks everyone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I realized this is something similar to what I put him through when I was using. He was trying to get me to quit, and I was stubborn and in denial. Guess we ARE a lot alike, huh?
Chino - I've been trying to think of a way to trick him or manipulate him to go, but haven't figured it out yet. Yes, I know that's NOT what a recovering codie should do, but it's been on my mind.
I think I'll just tell him how much he means to me and I can't bear the thought of losing him. I'll also tell him that if he were to kill someone else, he would never get over it. He's been better at listening to me, and actually taking advice, so hopefully it will work.
Thanks everyone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
About a month after the injury, she finally visited the doctor, an xray confirmed that she had indeed broken her foot, and it was well past the point that they could do anything about it unless she were to consider surgery. I can remember her relating the story of injuring herself skiing, her Dad basically told her to suck it up, she tore ligaments in her knee and the ski patrol had to take her down the hill on a gurney!
My take, this is definitely an alcoholic trait, and it sucks that we/they have so little regard for our personal well-being.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New York, USA
Posts: 230
I'm so glad your dad is okay. Hope you can get him to a doctor and just think of it as helping some innocents that might be injured. That's the only way we got my 92 year old mom's license from her, well actually she thought there were too many youngsters driving crazy on the road and didn't want to hit one of them. Whatever way it worked.
Good luck and sorry to hear about your sister and I think you're wonderful to raise her daughter.
Good luck and sorry to hear about your sister and I think you're wonderful to raise her daughter.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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sailorjohn...I'm the addict in the family...dad doesn't have an addictive bone in his body. He's almost 69 years old, struggling to pay bills and, as a self-employed expediter, doesn't want to "miss out" on a job to take care of himself.
We are both stubborn, and hopefully this will be a "wake-up" call for him that he is putting not only himself, but innocent other people at risk.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
We are both stubborn, and hopefully this will be a "wake-up" call for him that he is putting not only himself, but innocent other people at risk.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
sheez amy, I swear you could write a flippin book on your life.
sorry your dad's putting you guys through this, stubborn people, for crying out loud they're everywhere, LOL
good luck sneaking one over on him
sorry your dad's putting you guys through this, stubborn people, for crying out loud they're everywhere, LOL
good luck sneaking one over on him
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I know how frustrating that is!
I had a roomie/BF for two years who has severe apnea, to the point he also falls asleep while driving.
It runs in the family.
We used to car pool together when I was in tech school and he worked in the same city where I went to school at.
I dozed off on the way home in the passenger seat, and next thing I know the car hit the shoulder and he had fallen asleep and woke up when the car started to vibrate on the shoulder.
I always drove after that.
That was 13 years ago, and he still refuses to see a doctor.
I had a roomie/BF for two years who has severe apnea, to the point he also falls asleep while driving.
It runs in the family.
We used to car pool together when I was in tech school and he worked in the same city where I went to school at.
I dozed off on the way home in the passenger seat, and next thing I know the car hit the shoulder and he had fallen asleep and woke up when the car started to vibrate on the shoulder.
I always drove after that.
That was 13 years ago, and he still refuses to see a doctor.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 7
Impurr...
I learned in a meeting to "pray for the stranger," because the family member might listen to a stranger but they just don't hear us.
This picture--looks just like my black cat!! Is he/she a Bombay? He is the sweestest kitty in the world to us, but not the other cats in my house.
I learned in a meeting to "pray for the stranger," because the family member might listen to a stranger but they just don't hear us.
This picture--looks just like my black cat!! Is he/she a Bombay? He is the sweestest kitty in the world to us, but not the other cats in my house.
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((Amy))
I wonder sometimes how you are able to deal with everything that you do.........
I hope your Dad's ok. I don't know what it is about men and their doctor phobias, but most of them seem to have it. especially the older ones.........But from the stories you have told your Dad sounds like a really great man. (funny too....I still remember the bug bomb
) But concerned as you are, there's only so much you're going to be able to do. Plus taking care of yourself......you have a lot on your plate.
and have I mentioned how great you guys are for raising your niece???? seriously - that's not something just anyone would take on.
sending good thoughts for you and your Dad.....
I wonder sometimes how you are able to deal with everything that you do.........
I hope your Dad's ok. I don't know what it is about men and their doctor phobias, but most of them seem to have it. especially the older ones.........But from the stories you have told your Dad sounds like a really great man. (funny too....I still remember the bug bomb
) But concerned as you are, there's only so much you're going to be able to do. Plus taking care of yourself......you have a lot on your plate.and have I mentioned how great you guys are for raising your niece???? seriously - that's not something just anyone would take on.
sending good thoughts for you and your Dad.....
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
(((AMY))) ... your dad sounds as stubborn as my dad. My dad drives sometimes and I say that with a wince type sound. Now - if he drives - he drives himself alone. No one will ride passenger with him. Sometimes he gets really irritated by riding passenger with others - that he'll just take his car - even though my mom is driving her car. My mom just says "fine... get on with it - I'll see you there." Sometimes - that will actually help matters- and he'll just end up riding with her anyway.
Did you talk with him tonight? How did it go?
Did you talk with him tonight? How did it go?
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He hasn't come home yet, so hopefully he got some sleep. Last time he called, he was more worried about the cost of fixing the mirror on the van!!!
I'm not angry any more, an am simply going to tell him how much I love him, I'm not ready to lose him right now; that he is putting not only HIS life at risk, but that of innocent people; and point out that the sleep study is free (medicare covers it), but getting the mirror fixed is going to cost him, since he's so focused on money.
Sabercat..I have no idea what kind of cat Elvis is (my avatar). He's a big baby, stays stuck to me like glue and does NOT like sharing me with the other 2 cats and dog
Thanks everyone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm not angry any more, an am simply going to tell him how much I love him, I'm not ready to lose him right now; that he is putting not only HIS life at risk, but that of innocent people; and point out that the sleep study is free (medicare covers it), but getting the mirror fixed is going to cost him, since he's so focused on money.
Sabercat..I have no idea what kind of cat Elvis is (my avatar). He's a big baby, stays stuck to me like glue and does NOT like sharing me with the other 2 cats and dog
Thanks everyone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Sorry for this but maybe he will think about it and be an eye-opener. I had a friend who had it and was a long distance truck driver. I "taped" his snoring and waking up and he listened. He went to the dr. and tried a couple treatments that did not work. Then he began to worry that he would fall asleep at the wheel and retired at 62.
Now remember, you didn't listen to dad for a while-dad may not listen to you for a while.
Beautiful cat!!!!!!!! Looks like my grams. Bet it is a "little" spoiled.
Big hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now remember, you didn't listen to dad for a while-dad may not listen to you for a while.
Beautiful cat!!!!!!!! Looks like my grams. Bet it is a "little" spoiled.
Big hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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He's home. The mirror isn't too bad, and he's already ordered another one.
The first thing out of his mouth was "this was a blessing in disguise...it could have been a whole lot worse". I got emotional and told him "I'm not ready to lose you yet, and I'm scared to death every time you get in the van". He got a little teary-eyed, himself.
He says he KNEW he was tired, but was looking for the next rest area. I explained that if he does have sleep apnea, he may not realize he's tired and just fall asleep; told him that if he were to hurt/kill someone he would never get over it; that if he didn't kill himself falling asleep he could get seriously hurt and do major damage to the van, and that is his only income.
Also told him that now I knew how he felt when I was using..he kept trying to get me to get clean, I knew I should but thought "I can handle this", without thinking of the consequences....he is now doing the same thing. Not listening to him (thanks momsrainbow) got ME in a lot of trouble, and him not listening to me could mean trouble in another way.
Don't know if he'll actually get the testing now, but at least he's thinking about it. He knows I'm as stubborn as he is and won't let up
Thanks again, everyone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
The first thing out of his mouth was "this was a blessing in disguise...it could have been a whole lot worse". I got emotional and told him "I'm not ready to lose you yet, and I'm scared to death every time you get in the van". He got a little teary-eyed, himself.
He says he KNEW he was tired, but was looking for the next rest area. I explained that if he does have sleep apnea, he may not realize he's tired and just fall asleep; told him that if he were to hurt/kill someone he would never get over it; that if he didn't kill himself falling asleep he could get seriously hurt and do major damage to the van, and that is his only income.
Also told him that now I knew how he felt when I was using..he kept trying to get me to get clean, I knew I should but thought "I can handle this", without thinking of the consequences....he is now doing the same thing. Not listening to him (thanks momsrainbow) got ME in a lot of trouble, and him not listening to me could mean trouble in another way.
Don't know if he'll actually get the testing now, but at least he's thinking about it. He knows I'm as stubborn as he is and won't let up
Thanks again, everyone!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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