Chic

Tomorrow, I go with my daughter to see if they will start her treatment for Hep C. If they won't, I will worry since her virale count is so high. If they do, I will worry she will relapse or commit suicide. Sort of damned if they do, damned if they don't.

And today, I had to pick up my friend who lives over by my alcoholic/pothead ex's house. First time by there since May. He was in the front yard all cleaned up watering his new live in's flowers & he had built her a trellis & had matching new Jeeps parked in the driveway (he makes minimum wage). Tells everyone how happy he is. I wonder where the sarcastic, cruel, drunk, high man that sat in the garage every night went. Makes me wonder if the problem wasn't me, not him. He never did anything like this for me and it would have felt so good to have had this kindness.

But, at least I have my sanity (what's left) where he is concerned and I pray my daughter will be ok. I guess I am just feeling lower than dirt, worried sick about my daughter, and wished I had a human shoulder to cry on.

Spiritual Seeker

Sorry for you sadness today.

Worry, doubt and fear are topics to stay away from.

You left your man for good reason. Good times will roll around again...be patient

Ann

I'm sending prayers for your daughter and some for you too. It's hard to go through this alone, but please know that we are walking with you and that your HP is right by your side.

HUGS

frankly

((Chic))

I'm sorry you are going through this. Just know that what you see on the outside, is not the rosey picture that you think it is. This new relationship of his is in the first stage, remember that stage? The one where he was the wonderful person? The one who said all the right things and did all the right things, knew just what you wanted to hear? The one that got you hooked? He is in that stage. He has to get his hooks in and he also has to show off to you. He knows word will get back to you, that you will see these things. He's got to put up this show, "look what you lost" bull. The vision that keeps popping in my head when I read your post is this swauve cleancut man with candy in his hand. "Hey little girl, do you like candy"

There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are a beautiful, wonderful, strong smart lady. You deserve better than fake fronts and pretenses. Now grab those boot straps up and get ready to kick butt in your own life. You have your hands full with a sick daughter, but more importantly, you have your hands full taking back your own life, your own happiness, your own serenity.

The step study was my salvation, and it sounds like you could really use a face to face alanon meeting, a human hug. ((sending virtual ones))

B

fndngserenity

Chic,
It definitely wasn't you. It probably took losing you for him to realize he needed to get his act together.

As far as your daughter is concerned, I know how you feel. It is like no matter what, it is going to end badly. My boyfriend is on sub now and he is doing really well. The problem is, he has so much mental baggage and without counceling, I don't forsee a true and honest recovery. The other day he ran out of his cymbalta and felt "mentally" not right. It was hard for him, he wanted to take a painkiller or go to the bar so bad.
My fear is relapse or suicide. When he is down like that, he just wants to make it go away.

We are all here for you - I know it is not the same as having someone sit right next to you but it sure does help when you are feeling down to come on here and talk to people who really understand what you are going through.

For today, try to focus on you. Put your daughter and your ex on the back burner and let your hp take you to a place of serenity - even if just for today.

Good luck Chic, I will be praying for some peace for you.

beegee

Chic
You need to not think it was you, we tend to do that. This relationship is new and you know how that goes. Your trash was her treasure until some time passes. ((((Chic))) The grass always looks Greener, WE all know it isn't, it is just spray paint.
Your daughter and you I send prayers too.

JMFburns

Chic,

As everyone else has already said "it wasn't you!" I totally agree and firmly believe you will find a better place for yourself in the future.

I care about you, everyone here on SR cares about you. Sending good thoughts for you and your daughter.

rozied

Let it go Chic. You threw the guy over cuz you couldn't handle the way he lived. Don't for a second think he has changed now.
When I divorced my ex I knew it was for the best yet a yr later when he gor married & brought my kids to his wedding I parked across the street spying on them & crying NOT cuz I loved him, I was crying cuz it was so unfair. It was his fault the marriage failed yet here he was getting remarried while I was left alone to raise 2 kids. I didn't have to waste my tears. A yr later the marriage failed. They both were addicted to coke. When I was with him drugs were not the problem. He was a compulsive gambler.
Keep your focus on your own life. You cannot tell a book by its cover.

Impurrfect

(((Chic)))

Everyone is right...it wasn't you. He's an ex because you're taking care of yourself, and that is always a good thing. Even if he was doing better WITH you, wouldn't you still be wondering "okay, so when is the bad side going to come out again?" Now you don't have to worry about it.

I'm sending big hugs and prayers to you and your daughter.

Amy

Chic

Thanks for all your support. It is amazing how you reach out and when I told my family about the Hep C it was "Well, she did what she did" and "it must not be that bad because they have not started her treatment yet." Little do they understand the side effects of the interferon-nor do they seem to really care. After all, my daughter is an addict to them-she didn't go to college & succeed like the other grandchildren.

Again...thanks from the bottom of my heart!

marle

I too am sending prayers for you and your daughter. A saying that has helped me tremendously when I think others have it better than me is "Never compare your insides with someone else's outsides." We can never know what is really going on behind closed doors and addicts keep lots of secrets. Hugs, Marle

Chic

Just left the MD's office and he is not willing to start the interferon treatment for Hep C yet. Stated he does not feel she is ready mentally to begin treatment and that he has had to many attempt suicide while on the treatment or relapse. After listening to him, it made sense. States even though my daughter has a high virale count, her liver damage seems minimal and she has not had it as long as they thought (these results from her liver biopsies.)

My daughter is devastated. She wants the treatment and she wants it now. I tried to explain if the doctor felt she should wait, we should wait. I researched he is regarded as the best specialist for Hep C in the region. She isn't capable of understanding anything but what she wants "now." I do understnd she doesn't want it in her body, but even with treatment it is only a 50% or less chance of putting the Hep C in remission.

Half the battle will be the attitude as well as the treatment.

Thanks for all your help. Chic

Troubledone

Chic

God Bless you and give you strength.

I cannot imagine what you must be going through. What a rock and a hard place!

I have nothing in my experience that gives me any perspective to offer advice... just love and prayers for your peace and strength....