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Update On Me

Old 08-11-2008, 04:51 AM
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rozied
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Update On Me

I still haven't written a letter to my son to tell him no. Over the wkend I thought I would have time but I didn't. I am going to have to make time so I don't leave him hanging.
My ex called me Friday. Joey was supposed to call him Friday but he didn't. It was Sunday morning when my ex told me this. It is certainly not like Joey not to call. If anything he calls way too much. Now I am a little worried but I won't let it get to me. He is in the Hands of his HP & I know his HP will take care of him.
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Old 08-11-2008, 05:46 AM
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Rozied,
You will write the letter when it is the best time for you. You will know what is best to write at that time.
Maybe Joey is mad at his dad for something and that is why he did not call, maybe he figured out that dad will not help him the way he wants.
You are so right in saying his HP will take care of him.
Hugs coming to you, stay strong
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Old 08-11-2008, 05:56 AM
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rozied
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Thanks Pam. Good ideas why Joey didn't call. Being the codie that I am I naturally think the worst.
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Old 08-11-2008, 08:35 AM
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I wanted some more comments on my post so I am bumping it up myself.
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Old 08-11-2008, 08:44 AM
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Rozied, your son is still in FULL ADDICTION MODE, I want, I want, I want. And if you don't do what I want I will punish you. I won't call.

It is called MANIPULATION. He is doing what worked before. You do not have to fall into the trap and be drawn back in any more.

I M H O it would be best for him if he had to serve the whole sentence and stay in jail. His line in the letter to you that 23 (or 24) months for 24 steaks was also MANIPULATION.

Sweetie he is your son, however, he is not a child. He's a big boy now, for many years, and you know you cannot fix him so please stay out of it and allow him to handle the consequences of his OWN ACTIONS.

Please know that prayers are being sent your way and have been, that you and your parents may find some peace and serenity in knowing that you are doing the right thing for you.

As to the letter, when you are ready you will write it. Do not put unnecessary pressure on yourself please.

Love and hugs,
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:18 AM
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(((Rozied)))

Don't worry about him not calling...if someone does something in the jail, they will often ALL get put in lockdown and NO ONE can use the phone. There could be a lot of reasons why he didn't call.

Just keep focusing on YOU, sweetie.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 08-11-2008, 10:24 AM
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oh, laurie so right, he is manipulating you by not calling. He will make you feel bad and worried that way you'll do what he wants. be strong girlfriend.
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Old 08-11-2008, 07:47 PM
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When I laid the law down with my son he always kept his distance so I would worry. The best thing I told him was that this is his recovery and I'm not getting in the middle of anything anymore. So~~if you mess up don't call me and expect help. I almost think he knows I meant it this time.....enuf is enuf!! My Dr. asked me how I was emotionally and I had to tell him "I may have to deal with having an addicted son forever"""" I'm hoping not. I did write my son a letter months ago and he has abided with every condition I set down on paper. I wish you the nest with dealing with everything your feeling right now. It's so hard!!! we all know that. Love and hugs, Bonnie
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Old 08-11-2008, 07:52 PM
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When I laid the law down with my son he always kept his distance so I would worry. The best thing I told him was that this is his recovery and I'm not getting in the middle of anything anymore. So~~if you mess up don't call me and expect help. I almost think he knows I meant it this time.....enuf is enuf!! My Dr. asked me how I was emotionally and I had to tell him "I may have to deal with having an addicted son forever"""" I'm hoping not. I did write my son a letter months ago and he has abided with every condition I set down on paper. I wish you the best with dealing with everything your feeling right now. It's so hard!!! we all know that. Love and hugs, Bonnie
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Old 08-11-2008, 07:54 PM
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Hi Joey,

There will be no more money spent
on your situation.

Love, Mom

I found the more details I gave
the more lies and dodges I heard.
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Old 08-12-2008, 03:17 AM
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Ann
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I like what Carol wrote, not that you need to use the same words but it put so simply what we each tend to overcomplicate.

No is a complete sentence. A few more words make it kind yet leave no buttons left exposed for him to try to push.

"Keep it simpe" is a wonderful slogan in the rooms and in life. I needed to read that today myself, as a reminder that life is only complicated when I let my mind loose and welcome the committee that takes up way too much space...the "what if's", the "if only's" the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's".

Keep it simple Rozie. Helping him is helping his addiction right now. "No more" is clear and precise and very freeing.

Hugs
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:55 AM
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rozied
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Thanks, I like what Carol wrote myself. I will keep it simple, he has been told the same thing ad nauseum.
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:23 PM
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I used to think if I said it in a different way - more loving - wrote it instead of spoke it - blah, blah, blah ad nauseum - they can't hear until they can hear. Just like I couldn't hear - and stayed in denial - until I could hear.

Three Bs:
Be kind
Be brief
Be gone

I also think that folks really only listen to - or read - three sentences.

I had to remember I was writing/saying these things for me - and not thinking about what their response would be.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

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