Fear to Faith
Living in a Pinkful Place
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Fear to Faith
Another excellent reading from Nar-Anon's Sharing Experience, Strength & Hope for July 31
FEAR TO FAITH
Many of us came to our first Nar-Anon meeting desperate for answers. I wanted to hear some magic words to be given exact instructions on how to fix the addict. The addict is an intelligent person but I could not understand why he made such poor choices. I feared that he was going to die. I wondered if he would ever get help in time. The addict's behaviors, which included lying, breaking promises and stealing, were out of control. My life had become unmanageable as I tried to control his behavior.
At first, I did not understand what the Nar-Anon program and meetings were about. No one gave me any advice or solutions. I needed instant answers. They just said, "Keep coming back." After attending many meetings, I began to face some of my fears, which previously I could not even identify. I learned slogans, such as "Let Go and Let God" and "One Day at a Time" to help me cope.
When I attend meetings regularly, I am reminded that every day my Higher Power offers me a new way to face my challenges. As I listen to my group share their experience, strength and hope, I begin to believe that I too can change. I am learning that I can change my fear to faith, my panic to serenity, my self-centered false hope to God-centered, real hope. I can do this in my own time and my own way. All I have to do is stay connected by attending my meetings.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: I have choices in how I will deal with my fear. I can choose to face everything and recover, or to forget everything and run.
"Fear is like fire. If controlled it will help you; if uncontrolled, it will rise up and destroy you. People's actions depend to a great extent upon fear. We do things either because we enjoy doing them or because we are afraid not to do them" ~ John F. Milburn
FEAR TO FAITH
Many of us came to our first Nar-Anon meeting desperate for answers. I wanted to hear some magic words to be given exact instructions on how to fix the addict. The addict is an intelligent person but I could not understand why he made such poor choices. I feared that he was going to die. I wondered if he would ever get help in time. The addict's behaviors, which included lying, breaking promises and stealing, were out of control. My life had become unmanageable as I tried to control his behavior.
At first, I did not understand what the Nar-Anon program and meetings were about. No one gave me any advice or solutions. I needed instant answers. They just said, "Keep coming back." After attending many meetings, I began to face some of my fears, which previously I could not even identify. I learned slogans, such as "Let Go and Let God" and "One Day at a Time" to help me cope.
When I attend meetings regularly, I am reminded that every day my Higher Power offers me a new way to face my challenges. As I listen to my group share their experience, strength and hope, I begin to believe that I too can change. I am learning that I can change my fear to faith, my panic to serenity, my self-centered false hope to God-centered, real hope. I can do this in my own time and my own way. All I have to do is stay connected by attending my meetings.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: I have choices in how I will deal with my fear. I can choose to face everything and recover, or to forget everything and run.
"Fear is like fire. If controlled it will help you; if uncontrolled, it will rise up and destroy you. People's actions depend to a great extent upon fear. We do things either because we enjoy doing them or because we are afraid not to do them" ~ John F. Milburn
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
Originally Posted by awakeawake 
Thanks for posting this. I just read the page myself after going a good sized fear/anxiety/guilt/worry, etc episode. My AW is angry again that I am going to a meeting. She feels that I betray her weekly, and that the program separates us. Every week around the time I would go, the addiction lashes out at me- and I DO become fearful... I just don't know WHY.
It's amazing to me how God can work in my life, because that page was exactly what I needed to read afterwards.
My faith in God is the only thing that has kept me sane, and I know that he leads me to attend the meetings... but I do feel guilty. Especially when I get attacked emotionally. Taking 10 deep breaths helps, but I get such a sick, paralyzing feeling inside. I pray that one day she will realize that I am doing what I believe is the right thing, and even gets into a recovery program herself.
I also just realized that her anger is because of her fear, but not fear of the things she claims (losing me to the group, etc). Maybe it's the addiction's fear that things are changing and I am in a spiritual war with it - NOT my wife!
I have told her that the addiction is what is truly trying to come between us. Sometimes she hears me (really), but the addiction resurfaces (predictably) and seems to take control, using anything and everything it can to derail any effort to manage it.
It's amazing to me how God can work in my life, because that page was exactly what I needed to read afterwards.
My faith in God is the only thing that has kept me sane, and I know that he leads me to attend the meetings... but I do feel guilty. Especially when I get attacked emotionally. Taking 10 deep breaths helps, but I get such a sick, paralyzing feeling inside. I pray that one day she will realize that I am doing what I believe is the right thing, and even gets into a recovery program herself.
I also just realized that her anger is because of her fear, but not fear of the things she claims (losing me to the group, etc). Maybe it's the addiction's fear that things are changing and I am in a spiritual war with it - NOT my wife!
I have told her that the addiction is what is truly trying to come between us. Sometimes she hears me (really), but the addiction resurfaces (predictably) and seems to take control, using anything and everything it can to derail any effort to manage it.
Nice post - it is the fear of things changing. She knows if you get help and support, her world, as she knows it, and your co-dependent behaviors, are going to start to diminish, thereby making your wife's addiction a little more difficult to feed.
Rita - thank you for this thread!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I feared that he was going to die. I wondered if he would ever get help in time.
When my daughter was 10, she spent a week in ICU because she had a bug and it was doing devastating things to her. Her temp would soar from out of nowhere then suddenly drop. She was dehydrated from all the vomiting and diarrhea. Her kidneys were showing signs of serious distress. The hospital lab never could identify the virus so they sent off her blood work to a lab out of state. The day they found it never arrived was the same day she suddenly recovered.
The day before that happened, I feared she was going to die and I wondered if she'd ever get help in time.
So I prayed out there on the visitors patio. I asked God to make her well but if that wasn't in the picture, I thanked him for the gift of her and gave her back to him because she never belonged to me. She's always belonged to God.
All my fear went away with that prayer and when the overcast sky literally parted with a ray of sunshine, I was at peace no matter what happened. My fear went to faith, then gratitude and acceptance. Remembering that day is what keeps fear at bay today, for me.
Thank you for another reminder and now I'm going to hug her
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