Originally Posted by awakeawake

Thanks for posting this. I just read the page myself after going a good sized fear/anxiety/guilt/worry, etc episode. My AW is angry again that I am going to a meeting. She feels that I betray her weekly, and that the program separates us. Every week around the time I would go, the addiction lashes out at me- and I DO become fearful... I just don't know WHY.

It's amazing to me how God can work in my life, because that page was exactly what I needed to read afterwards.

My faith in God is the only thing that has kept me sane, and I know that he leads me to attend the meetings... but I do feel guilty. Especially when I get attacked emotionally. Taking 10 deep breaths helps, but I get such a sick, paralyzing feeling inside. I pray that one day she will realize that I am doing what I believe is the right thing, and even gets into a recovery program herself.

I also just realized that her anger is because of her fear, but not fear of the things she claims (losing me to the group, etc). Maybe it's the addiction's fear that things are changing and I am in a spiritual war with it - NOT my wife!

I have told her that the addiction is what is truly trying to come between us. Sometimes she hears me (really), but the addiction resurfaces (predictably) and seems to take control, using anything and everything it can to derail any effort to manage it.