katie44

AS comitted fraud with our company cheques in June, just came to light a couple of weeks ago. Turns out yesterday I call one of my customers they are late paying, they inform me that the cheque has been cashed. Guess who?
AS scratched my company name out and filled his friends name on it, he then signed the back with his own signature. Not to bright as a criminal.
I have not told my customer its my son ( how embarrasing). His signature is a scribble so they would not put two and two together. This is a large corporation we deal with. I am at a loss how to deal with this one?
AS called yesterday, I informed him I knew what he did he admitted it and said sorry. Then he asked if I would like to come for dinner?????
Instead of blowing I informed him he was probably going to jail. I was putting his number on call block. Please call me when he decides to go in to recovery.
I told him if he needs a ride to rehab he could call.
He went off the deep end he said " Im going to hang myself"
What was I to say all I said was " I love you, but I want my old son back"
his reply was your son is gone forever" I hung up and put the phone on call block.
" Im going to hang myself" translation "Im not ready for recovery its easier to be a user then face the world clean"

Impurrfect

awww, Katie, I'm sorry.

I really do think he needs to spend some time in jail. He is getting WAY too comfortable at forging checks.

I think you're doing the right thing by putting his number on block. He doesn't seem to understand how bad he's gotten...only thing I see that's going to teach him is some hard consequences.

I really hate that you are going through this, but it seems you're getting to YOUR bottom with him. Once we hit bottom, whether it's with addiction or codependence, there's no way but up.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Chino

I'm with Amy, he's way too comfortable. As soon as I read your comment I thought about the sociopathic tendencies mentioned in the "what addicts do" sticky.

He's crossed so many lines but there are more lines he hasn't crossed yet. Unfortunately it appears you're the one who has to stop him and I feel for you from the bottom of my heart. I cannot imagine your pain and you have my prayers.

sojourner

blocking the phone was a great step for you and for your son. him threatening to harm himself is addict-speak that is an attempt to manipulate you, but you know that i'm sure. however, we all need to be reminded that suicide is there. i'm not saying that to get you to cave, i'm saying that, while our loved one's soul is dead or close to it and we have that to grieve, sometimes it happens that their body dies to the disease too. having said that, i think the best response to his threat is no response at all or an "oh" response. of course, if you are not talking to him then it's a moot point.

Keep reiterating that line about giving him a ride to recovery - that is a great response to just about any kind of drama he tries to get going.

katie44

He seems to be quite comfortable stealing from everyone. He definitely has gotten worse. I have hit bottom, finally have had enough of him. I pray for him everday and his recovery. Your right Amy some time in Jail may be beneficial. He really has not had to face major consequences. Ive always kept him from the bottom. The bank just called that company cheque is going to be replaced payable to our company. They would not tell me who's account it was cashed through, but there putting a freeze on the persons account. I guess my son is in trouble with whoever he got to cash the cheque for him. I hope it wasnt an innocent person, but I doubt it. Its very difficult to read who it was made payable to. I suppose I shouldnt even think about it. It is his problem to deal with. Today I feel at peace with the decisions I have made.

Spiritual Seeker

Hang in there Mom. You are doing all that you can at this point in time by detaching.

Things do change in thier own time. Your son will probably be ready for sobriety one day, just not now.
He knows you are willing to support that decision. He knows in the meantime that you will no longer be a victim.

rozied

Oh Katie, I am so sorry. I cannot begin to tell you the lines my AS has crossed. You are doing absolutely great by setting your boundaries.

Ann

Katie, it took me forever to hit my "enough" point, but if I had it to do over I would have pressed charges the second time my son stole from us (everyone deserves ONE chance, but two is pure codie).

I know how hard this is, but as a mom who has been there and has 1000 T-shirts, I can tell you that you did the right thing and that it truly does get better.

From my experience, learning to deal with my son missing/not contacting us is hard, but not half as hard as it was living with active addiction every day.

There comes a time when a mom just has to say "Enough! No More!"

Sending big hugs and a promise that peaceful in our world is better than crazy in theirs. My prayers go out that one day your son and mine come into "our" world, the world of recovery.

outtolunch

I have never been able to invoke the "thanks" button and am acknowledging what Ann said- really good stuff there.

greeteachday

Katie I am very sorry this happened, but you did truly do the right thing - for you and for him. It's very hard, but it is a huge step in your recovery. Good for you! Hugs