Fighting for Custody
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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One question: Do they let pets into rehab facilities? Just askin'....
If patients in rehab have limited computer, phone, and visitation times, I can't imagine a pet would be allowed would it? Or do I misunderstand where she is at this time.
What a horrible shame it would be for your niece to lose her beloved cat!
Hugs and everything else good,
HG
If patients in rehab have limited computer, phone, and visitation times, I can't imagine a pet would be allowed would it? Or do I misunderstand where she is at this time.
What a horrible shame it would be for your niece to lose her beloved cat!
Hugs and everything else good,
HG
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
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NH7, I wondered the same thing about the visit... but my husband called to get the lowdown afterward and apparently it was my sister who decided the visit had to end. For some reason she had an emotional breakdown... I don't know why, and can only speculate. Most of the time I can't even come close to guessing what's going on inside her head.
Unfortunately we are still on the hook for the money to pay for the hour, a fact which I find annoying. The owner of the business told us that since he scheduled the supervisor for that amount of time, he has to pay her for it. And since we committed to it, we take the loss. I'm getting used to taking a hit every time my sister does something idiotic and I try not to let myself think about it too much so I won't spontaneously combust.
As for the cat issue... you're absolutely right, HG. My sister absolutely can NOT have the cat at her recovery house. She was speculating about the future, after she finishes her 90 day treatment and has her own place. I have no idea why she would put her kid through the stress of talking about that NOW while she still more than two months ahead of her... and the real irony is that she's accusing me and my husband of ALIENATION! As if she doesn't do everything in her own power to alienate her own daughter. It's absurd.
I'm not too concerned about the cat issue though. I talked to the lawyer about it and she said the cat is basically ours now. We've paid all his bills for more than seven months without a penny from my sister, so in the eyes of the law he belongs to us. And we've decided that the cat belongs to my niece, so wherever she goes he goes.
My sister is completely sabotaging her own relationship with her child because she is trying to control her rather than recognizing that she's a fully functioning human being who thinks and feels for herself. These stunts she pulls, like threatening to take away the vacation with the grandparents, and trying to take away the cat, are meant to pull her daughter in closer, but only succeed in pushing her further away.
This really underscores the fact that my sister is suffering from more than just a problem with addiction. She has a mental illness... probably borderline personality disorder, but I almost wonder if it's something even worse. Sometimes she truly seems schizophrenic. And probably, if she's actually detoxing at this treatment centre, she is also going through withdrawal. So it's a lot for one person to manage!
No wonder she's impossible to be around.
Unfortunately we are still on the hook for the money to pay for the hour, a fact which I find annoying. The owner of the business told us that since he scheduled the supervisor for that amount of time, he has to pay her for it. And since we committed to it, we take the loss. I'm getting used to taking a hit every time my sister does something idiotic and I try not to let myself think about it too much so I won't spontaneously combust.
As for the cat issue... you're absolutely right, HG. My sister absolutely can NOT have the cat at her recovery house. She was speculating about the future, after she finishes her 90 day treatment and has her own place. I have no idea why she would put her kid through the stress of talking about that NOW while she still more than two months ahead of her... and the real irony is that she's accusing me and my husband of ALIENATION! As if she doesn't do everything in her own power to alienate her own daughter. It's absurd.
I'm not too concerned about the cat issue though. I talked to the lawyer about it and she said the cat is basically ours now. We've paid all his bills for more than seven months without a penny from my sister, so in the eyes of the law he belongs to us. And we've decided that the cat belongs to my niece, so wherever she goes he goes.
My sister is completely sabotaging her own relationship with her child because she is trying to control her rather than recognizing that she's a fully functioning human being who thinks and feels for herself. These stunts she pulls, like threatening to take away the vacation with the grandparents, and trying to take away the cat, are meant to pull her daughter in closer, but only succeed in pushing her further away.
This really underscores the fact that my sister is suffering from more than just a problem with addiction. She has a mental illness... probably borderline personality disorder, but I almost wonder if it's something even worse. Sometimes she truly seems schizophrenic. And probably, if she's actually detoxing at this treatment centre, she is also going through withdrawal. So it's a lot for one person to manage!
No wonder she's impossible to be around.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: eastern Wyoming
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I wonder if you guaranteed the three hour fee regardless of how long the visit lasted if the "supervisor" would bring your niece back sooner. Some services have a guaranteed minimum of two or three hours (language interpreters here do). I think the supervisor is being a bit unethical and unprofessional.
OTOH, this is probably not your biggest focus, considering the whole situation. My best wishes and prayers for you all.
OTOH, this is probably not your biggest focus, considering the whole situation. My best wishes and prayers for you all.
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Location: Vancouver, BC
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Originally Posted by longview 
I wonder if you guaranteed the three hour fee regardless of how long the visit lasted if the "supervisor" would bring your niece back sooner. Some services have a guaranteed minimum of two or three hours (language interpreters here do). I think the supervisor is being a bit unethical and unprofessional.
Interesting you mentioned this... I had the same conversation with my husband the other night. I was thinking if I'd paid for the visit up front and the supervisor already had the cash in her pocket, they might have handled it differently and called me and asked if I wanted to pick her up early. Because I paid when I picked her up instead, I think they wanted to make sure they spent the whole time so I'd have no recourse.
Another thing my husband said that I'm sure is true is that if it was our DAUGHTER instead of our niece, they probably wouldn't have made a judgement call like that without asking our permission.
The whole thing with the supervision company really aggravates me... They're highly unprofessional.
I can appreciate that my niece really likes the supervisor. The supervisor is a nice woman who means well, and as far as mentors go, I'd sure rather she looks up to this woman than to her mother...
And yet, if the supervisor was doing her job PROFESSIONALLY, my niece wouldn't be so attached in the first place because she wouldn't really have gotten to know her very well.
This frustration coupled with the fact that there are NO other places that do supervision in my city, have left me lost. My niece so desperately wants to stay with the supervisor, and the psychologist supports it... so I just figured I'd put up with it.
I don't think these visits do any good for my niece whatsoever as far as spending time with her mother goes. (They actually only spend two hours a week right now.) The only benefit is derived from her contact with the supervisor... So basically, we've bought her a very expensive friend.
Life is so filled with aggravations right now that I'm seriously picking my battles more carefully than I ever have in my life. Self-preservation is the key word!
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This frustration coupled with the fact that there are NO other places that do supervision in my city,
Supervised Visitation, Vancouver B C - Google Search
Maybe there might be something in the search that can help you.........
Hang in there, whether you know it or not, you are really doing GREAT!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Originally Posted by SistersHelp
As for the cat issue... you're absolutely right, HG. My sister absolutely can NOT have the cat at her recovery house. She was speculating about the future, after she finishes her 90 day treatment and has her own place. I have no idea why she would put her kid through the stress of talking about that NOW while she still more than two months ahead of her... and the real irony is that she's accusing me and my husband of ALIENATION! As if she doesn't do everything in her own power to alienate her own daughter. It's absurd.
What a strange ride your sister is on. I still pray that some good will come out of it someday! Keep up the fantastic work, hugs to all of you!
HG
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: ct
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I am speaking from personal experience from this. I was 18 yrs old when I had my son. He is now 12. After leaving his father I moved in with my parents. I was a heroin addict and doing things that now i am to ashamed of to even speak. The usually addict behavior stealing, lying, sleeping in hotel rooms. Dragging my son from one place to another. My Parents sent me to rehab several times. Everytime I left early and didn't even try to finish the program. Finally they had enough and kicked me out. But this time they didn't let me take my son and when I tried they called he police. They has a court order they filed through probate. When I went to court they gave me a amount of time to get a good job an a place to live and such. I was soooo mad at my parents but at the same time I was a junkie so didn't even bother looking for a place or getting a real job. I was to busy using. It took me a yr to get my crap together and get to a clinic and a year to get my son back full time.
But after I was clean and could see more clearly I thanked my parents a thousand times for taking care of my son when I couldn't. Do you know how many kids like my son end up in foster home or state home. One day your sister will appreciate what you have done for her and thank you for taking care of her child when she couldn't.
You are doing the right thing. even if she gets mad now and fights you tooth and nail it is the drugs talking and she can't see things for what they are. Just keep reminding her that she will get her child back as soon as she is better
But after I was clean and could see more clearly I thanked my parents a thousand times for taking care of my son when I couldn't. Do you know how many kids like my son end up in foster home or state home. One day your sister will appreciate what you have done for her and thank you for taking care of her child when she couldn't.
You are doing the right thing. even if she gets mad now and fights you tooth and nail it is the drugs talking and she can't see things for what they are. Just keep reminding her that she will get her child back as soon as she is better
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Thank you so much for that, 8Years, and congratulations on your eight years. I'm so glad your situation worked out so well and that you and your son are together again.
*
My niece has been refusing to talk to her mother on the phone for about two weeks now. She hasn't been calling her at the treatment centre and my sister, strangely, stopped calling her.
Tonight my niece decided she wanted to call her mom to wish her an early Happy Valentine's Day. When she called the treatment centre they told her that my sister had left and was back at her boyfriend's place.
My niece was angry and disappointed. She didn't want to call her mom at the boyfriend's house even though we told her she could.
I guess my worries about my sister somehow duping the courts and getting custody back were unnecessary. It's the other fear, about her dying of this lifestyle, that's the real worry. But like you said, Laurie, it's about helping the kid now. We can't do anything more for her mom.
*
My niece has been refusing to talk to her mother on the phone for about two weeks now. She hasn't been calling her at the treatment centre and my sister, strangely, stopped calling her.
Tonight my niece decided she wanted to call her mom to wish her an early Happy Valentine's Day. When she called the treatment centre they told her that my sister had left and was back at her boyfriend's place.
My niece was angry and disappointed. She didn't want to call her mom at the boyfriend's house even though we told her she could.
I guess my worries about my sister somehow duping the courts and getting custody back were unnecessary. It's the other fear, about her dying of this lifestyle, that's the real worry. But like you said, Laurie, it's about helping the kid now. We can't do anything more for her mom.
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I'm sorry to hear this sister. Recovery just never seems to happen to some. She has been acting very bizarre and the last visit told a lot. She was probably removed from the center at that time being she wanted the cat most likely to take to her boyfriends. It's always the deception that hurts the most. I hope your niece can and will recover from all her mother has done. She truly needs to live a normal vibrant life.
I don't think your sister will be allowed to another center again due to her leaving every time. It may be her chances are over to ever get your niece back. But your niece can go on. Although, I can imagine it is a sad time for her. There is alot of mourning due to addictive loved ones. Lets hope her mourning turns to joy asap.
I had this worry also when AH was petitioning for joint custody. There wasn't a chance. What was I so worried about? But this is what they do to us. They try to create fear and confusion. I have the same fear of AH dying in his lifestyle. Battling these fears off, only the Lord can do.
I think your niece is getting an understanding of what "letting go" means. She can and always will have some love for her mom, but until mom wants to win the battle over drugs, she won't.
I'm sure the visits will change once again. Let the supervisor know your sister is no longer at the treatment center, and to be extra protective at visits.
Blessings,
NH7
I don't think your sister will be allowed to another center again due to her leaving every time. It may be her chances are over to ever get your niece back. But your niece can go on. Although, I can imagine it is a sad time for her. There is alot of mourning due to addictive loved ones. Lets hope her mourning turns to joy asap.
I guess my worries about my sister somehow duping the courts and getting custody back were unnecessary. It's the other fear, about her dying of this lifestyle, that's the real worry.
I think your niece is getting an understanding of what "letting go" means. She can and always will have some love for her mom, but until mom wants to win the battle over drugs, she won't.
I'm sure the visits will change once again. Let the supervisor know your sister is no longer at the treatment center, and to be extra protective at visits.
Blessings,
NH7
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Wow, she doesn't last long at any treatment center, does she?
I'm sorry this has upset your niece, but I, pretty much, saw it coming. Your sister doesn't want anyone to tell her what to do, which works in YOUR favor in the case of judges and attorneys.
Keep doing what you're doing. Yes, your neice is going to be hurt and angry, at times, but you are helping her to learn the appropriate ways of dealing with those feelings, which is an invaluable lesson.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry this has upset your niece, but I, pretty much, saw it coming. Your sister doesn't want anyone to tell her what to do, which works in YOUR favor in the case of judges and attorneys.
Keep doing what you're doing. Yes, your neice is going to be hurt and angry, at times, but you are helping her to learn the appropriate ways of dealing with those feelings, which is an invaluable lesson.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Oh, SistersHelp, .....I'm kind of at a loss. I really hoped she would stay this time. But I suppose this does mean that you have less to worry about as far as her gaining custoday of the cat or her daughter. Keep up all the good work! Huge hugs!!!!! HG
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