sleepygoat

I was having a conversation about my AD with a co-worker who has an addict son. We talk from time to time and update each other on our 'lovely' children and how we cope.

I mentioned about my daughter not calling for mother's day, and how she has avoided me totally since then as well. I mentioned how I can't believe the self-centeredness and total lack of regard for the feelings of others that using addicts have.

She said her daughter, who is NOT an addict, but who is a 20 year old girl, behaves the same way (no regard for other people or for other people's feelings), and how her daughter rationalizes everything and blames everybody else for circumstances resulting from her own behavior.

My co-worker says, its the age - that young adults are really all this way, weather addicts or not.

I was very self-centered and clueless at that age, but I was also an addict.

I have no other children besided my one AD, so I can't compare.

Do you guys have 'normal' children, and how do they behave on the self-centeredness spectrum?

lightseeker

I know lots of people (young and old) that are not self-centered. Maybe it's more prevalent to be "me" oriented in your early 20's but even then - some of the most awesome and giving people that I know are in their late teens and twenty.

There are a lot of people that are self-centered that are addicted. In my AA meetings, many of the people speak about that being their main problem. The substance is but a symptom of the true disease. I just think that many people have trouble thinking about anything other than themselves....many addicts are that way but it also happens in non-addicts too. The continuim of personality characteristics affects all of us- narcissism, anti-social tendencies, etc. We all have aspects of these traits but some have more than others.

I know that I can really let those that behave this way hurt my feelings terribly. I have to try and remember that it really is more about them than anything having to do with my worth. I think that it just becomes hard wired in some people - the same way that my issues are appearing to be hardwired in me.

I have 2 sons and 2 step-sons that are basically the same ages. My step-sons are incredibly self-centered and "entitled". It's always about them and their needs - limited concern for anyone else and their feelings. My two sons can be swept up in teenage land but still manage to care about others. They do mission work, really care about family and friends, and are amazingly loving and kind to me. They are not perfect by any means - they are teenagers - but they seem to be heading in the right direction. My step-sons seem to be heading straight to being just like their dad....self-centered. Nature or nuture or both? I think it probably is both.

ladyamalthea

As a high school teacher, I can tell you that, while Lightseeker is right about there being a good number of people of all ages who are not self-centered, it definitely seems like teenagers/ younger adults are more likely to be overly self-centered than others. I overhear conversations between my students about arguments they get into with their parents, and I just want to laugh because they sound so selfish. Scientifically speaking, teenagers/ early 20somethings supposedly have not developed their brains to the point where they think about consequences while pondering their potential actions; they just do what sounds good at the time. Thus, it makes sense that a certain amount of self-centeredness would go hand in hand with this, right?

beegee

I have many friends who think their adult kids are just a different breed today. Want what they want, get what they want one way or another. People don't get Thank you notes anymore or even a call, even my GD doesn't know what a Thank you note is.
My one daughter think s she is entitled to her Dads living and frills.
I also know many that are sweet and caring and look out for the parents but they are older kids in their 50's. I hear people complain all the time like it is just a fast world out there and you need to look out for yourself. Hello what happened to Family and unity!
Even my one daughjter lives like she Mrs trump, a material woman and her daughter is kinda snooty and selfish too, selfish. Kinda sad today I mean hearts of gold but they just seem to say "me first".