cece1960

I thought I’d drop in a little update, since I haven’t in a while.

Things are hectic, but not tragic on the home front these days. AS is working hard at a job that drug tests regularly, and it seems he’s passed them all. Or, perhaps his number hasn’t come up as frequently as he lets on, but I leave that between him and his boss. I haven’t “seen” him high in quite some time, and that is one of my home rules.

We still have a few bumps in the road more frequently than I would like, but I’ve come to realize that my son tends toward selfishness with a cup of irresponsibility thrown in, and that’s something I may never see change.

My choices? I could ask him to leave. He works nights and I work days and he is often out toward his dads on the weekends, so I see no need to rock his world at this point (or is it mine I’m not rocking? )

What I’ve come to realize is that this doesn’t have to be as black and white as I tend to make it. He may never possess the personality I would have ordered up, but he has many kind, good qualities. There may be times I’m disappointed in him, but I don’t have to be angry.

And even more important:
I don’t have to “throw him out” for his own good, I need to focus on my own good.
There is not just the wrong way and Cece’s way, there his way also.
I don’t need him to figure it out, he needs to figure it out, and I imagine he will in time.
His learning curve is NOT a direct reflection of how he was raised, regardless of what “earth people “ believe.

And most important for me: I can not manipulate his behavior, even if I follow every single rule in the codie manual, or even if I cut him out of my life, or even if I give in to his every whim…this isn’t about me…its about him.

So…onward we go, he’ll be in the dog house many times over the next few months I’m sure, but I will go on believing that it’s all part of the learning process, and sometimes learning hurts.

Thanks for being here through the thick and thin
(((Hugs)))

marle

My daughter is in early recovery but I see the selfishness still. Yet I also see the good person that she is capable of being. When she was growing up she always got glowing reports from teachers on what an intelligent girl she was, but she always got less than glowing citizenship reports. (She was the bossy controlling type.) I remember always wanting one teacher to say what a nice, kind daughter I had. Well people that she lives with and other people associated with her recovery are telling me what a kind, compassionate daughter I have. I have decided that she reserves that for other people and feels more comfortable showing me her less than side But I guess it does not take an addict to be that way, huh? Hugs to you and prayers that your son continues to move upward on his learning curve. Marle

Ann

You sound in a good place with all this, Cece, and your boundaries haven't been compromised. It isn't easy being a mom, trying to be fair and caring about our children no matter how adult they may be.

Sending prayers for your son, that he stays on a good road and that Ceceville remains peaceful and filled with recovery.

Hugs

patchoulli

hey cece...you rocked my world with your post...dealing with the same things...I love how you take care of yourself, love your child and are living your life...thank you