My sister...what to do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 37
My sister...what to do?
I just have a two part question, maybe some of you can help me.
1) How do you know that they are using again, short of finding physical evidence? I don't live near my sister, but when I talked to her on the phone yesterday all my alarms were going off. I hadn't talked to her in two months, she never answers the phone, never sends e-mail. I had to call my mom, and my mom just happened to be at her house in order to talk to her. So, I thought she would be happy to talk to me...but she was sleeping, at 5pm. The landlord came over to collect the rent, that got her out of bed. Of course she didn't have the money.
When I did talk to her, she had none of her spark, none of her vibrancy. She just had one excuse after another. Here they are: She quit her job (said her husband was harrassing her at work), her son missed 30 days of school (was afraid her ex would abduct him) she quit college (too much stress with the divorce), has no money and is borrowing off my parents like crazy (I told them to make her get a drug test before they give her more money)....and just has one excuse after the other. She didn't take another job because it's too far to drive. She doesn't go to NA anymore because she doesn't like a girl there who stole from her. When I asked her how she was managing to pay the rent, she said she had had a roommate, but she had to kick the roommate out because she was doing drugs. She has a new boyfriend, I think this guy is enabling her because she has no money, no job. I don't know if he is dealing, but when I asked her what he does, she said that he mows lawns. I don't know how he can pay his child support by mowing lawns. When I ask her if she is staying sober, she says "I am trying". I said, well, call me if you want, but I doubt you will. She just said, "Whatever" and got off the phone. No goodbye.
Could I be jumping the gun? She just sounded like crap on the phone. Maybe it was because she was sleeping? But when she was using drugs (Oxycontin, Vicodin, etc.) she would sleep A LOT! She sleeps until noon, and her 6 year old son is downstairs by himself, watching TV, doing what he wants. I don't think she's ever made him a warm breakfast, he gets a bowl of dry cereal in the morning.
2) If you are sure they are using, does it make any sense at all to write them a letter? I wrote one, threw it away, wrote another, and threw that away. I'm just afraid that a letter will make her angry, and she'll just throw it away. When I've confronted her in the past, she got angry, said she couldn't believe it (I'm an alcoholic, I have two years sober, but I still have a right to get angry at her behaviour. She thinks that since she was never confrontational with me, I'm not allowed to be with her. But I never had a child to take care of when I was drinking, is my point. She argues that I am an alcoholic, that she was never confrontational to me when I would call her up drinking, so I guess I should just let her do what she wants). That argument is convenient, I guess, and can rationalize her anger at me. I used to drink, and she didn't criticize me, so now that she does drugs, I shouldn't criticize her.
So would a letter just be a waste of time? What should I do? Is there any chance that she isn't using? (History: She's been on pain pills for 6 years, has been on methadone several times and Suboxone once, but always relapsed due to withdrawal effects.)
1) How do you know that they are using again, short of finding physical evidence? I don't live near my sister, but when I talked to her on the phone yesterday all my alarms were going off. I hadn't talked to her in two months, she never answers the phone, never sends e-mail. I had to call my mom, and my mom just happened to be at her house in order to talk to her. So, I thought she would be happy to talk to me...but she was sleeping, at 5pm. The landlord came over to collect the rent, that got her out of bed. Of course she didn't have the money.
When I did talk to her, she had none of her spark, none of her vibrancy. She just had one excuse after another. Here they are: She quit her job (said her husband was harrassing her at work), her son missed 30 days of school (was afraid her ex would abduct him) she quit college (too much stress with the divorce), has no money and is borrowing off my parents like crazy (I told them to make her get a drug test before they give her more money)....and just has one excuse after the other. She didn't take another job because it's too far to drive. She doesn't go to NA anymore because she doesn't like a girl there who stole from her. When I asked her how she was managing to pay the rent, she said she had had a roommate, but she had to kick the roommate out because she was doing drugs. She has a new boyfriend, I think this guy is enabling her because she has no money, no job. I don't know if he is dealing, but when I asked her what he does, she said that he mows lawns. I don't know how he can pay his child support by mowing lawns. When I ask her if she is staying sober, she says "I am trying". I said, well, call me if you want, but I doubt you will. She just said, "Whatever" and got off the phone. No goodbye.
Could I be jumping the gun? She just sounded like crap on the phone. Maybe it was because she was sleeping? But when she was using drugs (Oxycontin, Vicodin, etc.) she would sleep A LOT! She sleeps until noon, and her 6 year old son is downstairs by himself, watching TV, doing what he wants. I don't think she's ever made him a warm breakfast, he gets a bowl of dry cereal in the morning.
2) If you are sure they are using, does it make any sense at all to write them a letter? I wrote one, threw it away, wrote another, and threw that away. I'm just afraid that a letter will make her angry, and she'll just throw it away. When I've confronted her in the past, she got angry, said she couldn't believe it (I'm an alcoholic, I have two years sober, but I still have a right to get angry at her behaviour. She thinks that since she was never confrontational with me, I'm not allowed to be with her. But I never had a child to take care of when I was drinking, is my point. She argues that I am an alcoholic, that she was never confrontational to me when I would call her up drinking, so I guess I should just let her do what she wants). That argument is convenient, I guess, and can rationalize her anger at me. I used to drink, and she didn't criticize me, so now that she does drugs, I shouldn't criticize her.
So would a letter just be a waste of time? What should I do? Is there any chance that she isn't using? (History: She's been on pain pills for 6 years, has been on methadone several times and Suboxone once, but always relapsed due to withdrawal effects.)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
there is nothing you can do if she is using. you can talk to your mom & if she continues to give her money there is nothing u can do about that either. pray for them & try to detach as much as possible.prayers,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SC
Posts: 1,027
Well there is one thing you CAN do if she is using and that is to call DSS (Department of Social Services here, I don't know what its called where you are) and have that poor 6 year old child removed from that situation.
ANYTHING could happen, he could find a lighter and start playing with it, he could find a knife and start playing with it etc. That is a potentially fatal situation for that young child.
ANYTHING could happen, he could find a lighter and start playing with it, he could find a knife and start playing with it etc. That is a potentially fatal situation for that young child.
Last edited by Jwife22; 06-04-2008 at 04:48 AM. Reason: It's to early to spell correctly
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Just reading your post set off alarm bells in my head. Sounds like all the signs...sleeping a lot, not working, not paying bills...does that sound like normal behavior?? Nope.
I wouldn't bother writing a letter..but I agree with Jwife..call CPS and get that innocent child outta there. Please, you don't know what that poor child is witnessing. My grandson watched his mother shooting up...and now at the age of 13 we still have issues with bedwetting and fear of the dark.
Please, please......they will investigate, and if nothing is wrong, they will not do anything...but if they find evidence, someone will step in to protect that child.
I wouldn't bother writing a letter..but I agree with Jwife..call CPS and get that innocent child outta there. Please, you don't know what that poor child is witnessing. My grandson watched his mother shooting up...and now at the age of 13 we still have issues with bedwetting and fear of the dark.
Please, please......they will investigate, and if nothing is wrong, they will not do anything...but if they find evidence, someone will step in to protect that child.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 384
hmmm. sounds like you have all the evidence you need.
I couldn't agree more, There is always the possibility of depression, but even if thats it that child needs help.
Originally Posted by notsleepingwell 
Sounds like all the signs...sleeping a lot, not working, not paying bills...does that sound like normal behavior?? Nope.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 384
I don't know what they will do, nor do I think calling them is the only answer.
In TX they would take forever then when they do they wouldn't do much unless the house is filthy and I do mean filthy, no food, heating, but if the child has never been harmed or evidence of neglect they most like would do nothing. I don't know about Ohio.
Talk to family, see if some one can intervene.
In TX they would take forever then when they do they wouldn't do much unless the house is filthy and I do mean filthy, no food, heating, but if the child has never been harmed or evidence of neglect they most like would do nothing. I don't know about Ohio.
Talk to family, see if some one can intervene.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Privet,
The way I see this, is it sure can't hurt anything to make the call.
They would see to it she is tested, and look over the living arrangements, and do what's necessary.
And, as for your sister, she is either severely depressed, (possible) or back to using.
Perhaps by making that call, it will be a wake up call, for HER to get back to recovery. Stranger things have happened...
Addiction is so sad....
Hugs to you...
The way I see this, is it sure can't hurt anything to make the call.
They would see to it she is tested, and look over the living arrangements, and do what's necessary.
And, as for your sister, she is either severely depressed, (possible) or back to using.
Perhaps by making that call, it will be a wake up call, for HER to get back to recovery. Stranger things have happened...
Addiction is so sad....
Hugs to you...
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
I do believe you can call anonymously. I would mention about the drugs though. If they are clean...no harm, no foul....
Unfortunately, because of those stupid privacy laws, you will never know the outcome unless the children are removed. But believe me, sometimes that is the best thing for those kids!!!
NSW
Unfortunately, because of those stupid privacy laws, you will never know the outcome unless the children are removed. But believe me, sometimes that is the best thing for those kids!!!
NSW
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