maisie

i've been married for 3 years, we have 2 beautiful babies and 12 months ago i found out my husband had doing cocaine (it was a highly stressful time (i'd just miscarried) he said it was just stress i felt guilty we forgot about it and carried on as normal (all the time it just didn't feel right) i became paranoid checking his phone records, quizing my brother (his best friend/coke buddy) and to cut a very long story short over the past 6 months he's pretty much wiped us out financially has got dealers of his own therefore cutting my brother out of the loop etc, etc, etc. i left telling him our marriage was over i wasn't doing this any more. a couple of days later he contacted me promising to make it all ok again he would attend CA meetings (which i thought highly of as they had helped my brother no end) so i returned he began going to the meetings things were great i had hope he was learning things about himself neither of us had realised mainly that really cocaine wasn't his choice of drug, it was infact alcohol (he only ever did coke at work) he said because he couldn't drink he looked in to aa a bit more continued with his meetings and then came the idea of a "higher being" at which point he closed down has returned to drinking heavily (and poss doing coke - i dont know) now refusing to discuss it and truely believes he does not have a problem, i'm lost i want to help but don't know how, this may sound insane but we do have a good relationship its not abusive on any level, he's a pleasant drinker he becomes happy and jolly, he doesn't drink every minute of every day however he does drink every night (when he's not working-which is 3 nights a week) and he does drink heavily (at least 6-8 cans-some times with spirits as well. i don't know how to help him, myself or my children!

dogged

his addiction will get worse before it gets better, and you will see a side to him that will get worse eventually..i would do whatever to protect yourself right now financially, take his name off of the checking accts, savings, debit cards, credit cards..etc... so you can pay the bills,, read as much as you can on here, and educate yourself on the drugs he is using and the alcohol..it will get worse before it gets better.. you cant control it, you can only protect yourself

drugdown

Hi Maisie,

Welcome...I'm sorry you're going through this. It's very painful, but there really is nothing you can do but help yourself.

Many of us here have similiar stories. My AH denies he's using heroin....when it's obvious he is....

Hugs,
dd

SailorKaren

My ex also drank regularly after work, seemed happy, etc. I never thought of her as an alcoholic, or dreamed she would interrupt a discussion we were having around boundaries, to announce she wanted me gone. In retrospect, I think the issue with having an addicted partner, is that while they may be your beloved, you are not their beloved. Their beloved is their substance or process. And all will be well as long as you don't threaten their beloved.

Years ago, someone asked my pastor at the time, how can one tell who their god is? He said, your god is what you get up for in the morning. The addict gets up for his beloved. To him, talk about higher power is blasphemy. There may be nothing you can do to help him, but please do all you can to help you and your dear children.