Our baby is dead, Should I get divorced?
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by lil516 
I am so sorry for your loss.....
as wonderful as SR is I think you need to talk to someone face to face...
as wonderful as SR is I think you need to talk to someone face to face...
I agree with so much said up above. But what stood out to me the most was this one.
We all want the best for you, but I think the best for you all would be to see someone face to face to help you heal and help you get through this,
while ALSO being here with us through this difficult time.
My heart goes out to you and your family. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 84
go check out Alanon, or a consellor that can help you deal with your pain of your wifes using and the pain of losing your daughter...I'm so sorry you both are going through this. Take care of yourself and your children now and your wife is making steps forward being through detox and the program...counselling please go get some for you and your children and don't forget self-love. Take Care
Redbear
Redbear
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by Lied2
Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement.
I found a weekly Nar-Anon meeting and I am looking for a good therapist.
Hearing the advice to wait on any decisions feels right to me. I'm going to take more time and consideration, wait for the medical reports and see how she does with treatment.
I am used to planing my life ahead of time. Making a decision and then executing it... but that doesn't feel right here.
Thanks again for the support, I feel better just knowing all you guys care and can validate what I'm feeling.
I found a weekly Nar-Anon meeting and I am looking for a good therapist.
Hearing the advice to wait on any decisions feels right to me. I'm going to take more time and consideration, wait for the medical reports and see how she does with treatment.
I am used to planing my life ahead of time. Making a decision and then executing it... but that doesn't feel right here.
Thanks again for the support, I feel better just knowing all you guys care and can validate what I'm feeling.
Please feel free to post and keep us updated.
One more and you can even receive PM's
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
I also agree with all that was stated above...as you can see there is a lot of support here! Welcome to our SR family we are so glad that you found us-My heart and prayers go out to you during this difficult time...know you are not alone! Keep posting here! :Vall04:
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Lied2
Welcome to SR.
You're definitely among people who 'understand' here.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby.
My heart goes out to you, your other children and your wife.
You are all in my prayers.
Please take extra good care of yourself and your little ones.
They will give you the strength you need to get thru this difficult time.
They're blessed to have such a strong, stable level-headed daddy in their corner.
Welcome to SR.
You're definitely among people who 'understand' here.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby.
My heart goes out to you, your other children and your wife.
You are all in my prayers.
Please take extra good care of yourself and your little ones.
They will give you the strength you need to get thru this difficult time.
They're blessed to have such a strong, stable level-headed daddy in their corner.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
wow, I am so sorry for your loss.
Do you think time could heal your anger with your wife?
Do you think your children would be better off without her, will she endanger their lives?
do you think you could wait and see what rehab can do?
The decision has to be yours. Noone can live your life,just you. Your loss may be an issue with your anger right now. talk to a professional, or a really good friend if nothing else. you are in a sad dark place right now and a major decision may not be the best thing to do without some outside help, and although I think this website (your new SR family) are tops in help and support department, we don't really want to tell you to stop your life or to start a new one, we can't, you are the one that has to live for the future with your children. you'll come up with the right choice once you figure things out.
sorry if I wasn't the best help but I do wish you the best.
Do you think time could heal your anger with your wife?
Do you think your children would be better off without her, will she endanger their lives?
do you think you could wait and see what rehab can do?
The decision has to be yours. Noone can live your life,just you. Your loss may be an issue with your anger right now. talk to a professional, or a really good friend if nothing else. you are in a sad dark place right now and a major decision may not be the best thing to do without some outside help, and although I think this website (your new SR family) are tops in help and support department, we don't really want to tell you to stop your life or to start a new one, we can't, you are the one that has to live for the future with your children. you'll come up with the right choice once you figure things out.
sorry if I wasn't the best help but I do wish you the best.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Lied2
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am so sorry that your baby died as well.
If you do not know what to do, then do not do anything now.
Keep in mind that the gene defect for MCAD deficiency is inherited when both parents have the same abnormal gene and unknowingly pass it on to their baby. Also keep in mind that about 1 in 4 children with MCAD deficiency will die from their first crisis so it is important to diagnose and treat these children early.
I am not making excuses for your wife because I do not know the problems surrounding the situation.
I do agree she may need help when leaving the medical facility caring for your other children. She will also need support by going to meetings weekly, getting a woman sponsor to help her and she needs to work the steps. It is difficult, but not impossible.
I also know I heard my pastor say a long time ago, if you do not know what to do, lean towards mercy.
blessings, Sheila (a grateful recovering addict with a great husband whom I am very thankful for.)
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am so sorry that your baby died as well.
If you do not know what to do, then do not do anything now.
Keep in mind that the gene defect for MCAD deficiency is inherited when both parents have the same abnormal gene and unknowingly pass it on to their baby. Also keep in mind that about 1 in 4 children with MCAD deficiency will die from their first crisis so it is important to diagnose and treat these children early.
I am not making excuses for your wife because I do not know the problems surrounding the situation.
I do agree she may need help when leaving the medical facility caring for your other children. She will also need support by going to meetings weekly, getting a woman sponsor to help her and she needs to work the steps. It is difficult, but not impossible.
I also know I heard my pastor say a long time ago, if you do not know what to do, lean towards mercy.
blessings, Sheila (a grateful recovering addict with a great husband whom I am very thankful for.)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I'm so sorry for your loss.
This must be an extremely difficult time for you. Make sure that you do what you need to do to take care of yourself. It might help you to talk to a grief counselor. You want to be healthy emotionally and physically for your other children. Take one day at a time and don't try to solve all your problems at once. I believe that the answers that you seek will be revealed to you when your HP thinks the time is right!
This must be an extremely difficult time for you. Make sure that you do what you need to do to take care of yourself. It might help you to talk to a grief counselor. You want to be healthy emotionally and physically for your other children. Take one day at a time and don't try to solve all your problems at once. I believe that the answers that you seek will be revealed to you when your HP thinks the time is right!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to s.r. i am so sorry about your baby, it has got to b hard on you. i can not answer the question if you should leave your wife. what i can say is you have got to keep your children safe no matter what. i agree, get some professional help for yourself & let them help you work this out. it is a rough road living with an addict & it is your choice what you want to do. it takes a lot of work for the addict to get clean & even more for them to stay clean. prayer going up for you & your family. keep coming back.
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