End of my rope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
End of my rope
I am so at the end of my rope today. I can't stand this pain. I can't say constant, so at least I can see bright spots. But, it hurts so bad. My daughter has been away this week and has done everything in her power to avoid talking to me. She has been talking to her brother, calling her Dad late at night when she knows I will be asleep, etc. They both tell me they have talked to her and it kills me. She calls or texts her friends... and since I was around some of them yesterday, she actually talked to me when one of them handed me the phone. But, short and sweet and to the point only.
I have not done anything wrong. I feel like I am just the B**** with the checkbook. She tolerates me. I don't have the problem with addiction and it's not fair that I am trying to make a better life for me and for them and I am getting all the sh**. How can I possibly get healthy and happy with this happening to me. My son is also withdrawn from me. I heard him tell his girlfriend that he did a good job of avoiding me the night before last. He wanted/needed to go the mall and he aked her to go along... I am ok with that, but he said he wanted her to go so that he didn't have to be alone with me. He said it was bad enough that I had to go.
I feel like I can't just say, "no, find your own way... you ungrateful little snot." But I don't want them to walk on me. In the meantime, AH is here and everybody loves him. He is doing absolutely nothing around the house and he is not helping the kids with what t hey need financially one bit, but he's the good guy.
I am in one of those, "I can't stop crying patterns again...
Somebody talk to me. Many of you have said some great things a bunch of times, but I need support again today. I hate this.
I have not done anything wrong. I feel like I am just the B**** with the checkbook. She tolerates me. I don't have the problem with addiction and it's not fair that I am trying to make a better life for me and for them and I am getting all the sh**. How can I possibly get healthy and happy with this happening to me. My son is also withdrawn from me. I heard him tell his girlfriend that he did a good job of avoiding me the night before last. He wanted/needed to go the mall and he aked her to go along... I am ok with that, but he said he wanted her to go so that he didn't have to be alone with me. He said it was bad enough that I had to go.
I feel like I can't just say, "no, find your own way... you ungrateful little snot." But I don't want them to walk on me. In the meantime, AH is here and everybody loves him. He is doing absolutely nothing around the house and he is not helping the kids with what t hey need financially one bit, but he's the good guy.
I am in one of those, "I can't stop crying patterns again...
Somebody talk to me. Many of you have said some great things a bunch of times, but I need support again today. I hate this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I'm here, Imallright. I don't have any good answer, but I am praying for ya, sister.
I think you need some self-focus right now, hard as that may sound. Your mind is spinning with thoughts about all the other people in your life but not on what you can do for yourself right now, separate from them. I know that it is really difficult to focus on yourself when there are kids in the house and you feel like it isn't being a good mother if your thoughts aren't always about them. But it is hurting you, and taking you to a point where you aren't going to be a good mother to them if you aren't healthy anyway.
Is there somewhere YOU could go to get away for a week or two (and take the checkbook with you)? Is that an impossible idea? My first thoughts with this strategy were not good ones (I was thinking let them all just be together without mama and see how quickly the good times fall apart) and not focused on you. But then I thought, getting away for a week or two could be good for YOU, regardless of how the husband and kids react.
Are you pushing too hard for contact with your daughter? She sounds like she has you right where she wants you and she is more in control of this situation than you are. Trying to manipulate is never a positive course and does not bring about healthy actions.
Separating yourself from the chaos could give you a chance to think, truly think, and also offer you some relief from thoughts about others for a change. Maybe it's time for mom to be given some space to just breathe and take care of herself?
I think you need some self-focus right now, hard as that may sound. Your mind is spinning with thoughts about all the other people in your life but not on what you can do for yourself right now, separate from them. I know that it is really difficult to focus on yourself when there are kids in the house and you feel like it isn't being a good mother if your thoughts aren't always about them. But it is hurting you, and taking you to a point where you aren't going to be a good mother to them if you aren't healthy anyway.
Is there somewhere YOU could go to get away for a week or two (and take the checkbook with you)? Is that an impossible idea? My first thoughts with this strategy were not good ones (I was thinking let them all just be together without mama and see how quickly the good times fall apart) and not focused on you. But then I thought, getting away for a week or two could be good for YOU, regardless of how the husband and kids react.
Are you pushing too hard for contact with your daughter? She sounds like she has you right where she wants you and she is more in control of this situation than you are. Trying to manipulate is never a positive course and does not bring about healthy actions.
Separating yourself from the chaos could give you a chance to think, truly think, and also offer you some relief from thoughts about others for a change. Maybe it's time for mom to be given some space to just breathe and take care of herself?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Thank you. I have been thinking about that for awhile and I always get caught up in, I have to be there for them. I do need space. The codie in me is continuing to surface and I am putting them first. They are the love of my life, but I don't like them very much at the moment.
I have been thinking about going to visit my parents for a few days. I don't want to burden them, but they are hurting at the moment because I am. I want them to be happy and live their lives without the burden of me. On the other hand, I don't want to go away and be alone either. I have enough isolation these days. I need people. And I need to feel loved.
With all the kids have going on it makes it tough to escape, but even a few days would probably help. Thanks for being there. I really need support today.
I have been thinking about going to visit my parents for a few days. I don't want to burden them, but they are hurting at the moment because I am. I want them to be happy and live their lives without the burden of me. On the other hand, I don't want to go away and be alone either. I have enough isolation these days. I need people. And I need to feel loved.
With all the kids have going on it makes it tough to escape, but even a few days would probably help. Thanks for being there. I really need support today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Visiting your parents sounds like a good idea, you've mentioned it before. And, think about this MOM! wouldn't your Mom want to see you for herself, to give you a hug and really check on you during this difficult time you're going through? And your Dad too!
The house won't fall apart, and if it does - they can fix it. As you know, we don't have kids, but one thing I learned when I would get back from being gone I used to come home to mess. Then I'd just be so irritated stomping around picking up, etc. Years ago that came to an end. I said that I would not be picking up the house when I got home. I came home, the house was a mess, I unpacked, did my own laundry, put my own clothes away - left it all. He tried to wait me out, but I just walked around his stuff, did my dishes, etc. Eventually he picked up and it never happened again. This is about the one and ONLY time I had a boundary that was honored in all our years.
I had forgotten about it - but I'll give him credit for the one.
Anyhow - take care of you, and let them take care of themselves! You really sound like you need some time, and your parents sound like they're very supportive and loving people, so I vote for hanging out with Mom and Dad! But, whatever you decide, do something for YOU!
(((hugs)))
The house won't fall apart, and if it does - they can fix it. As you know, we don't have kids, but one thing I learned when I would get back from being gone I used to come home to mess. Then I'd just be so irritated stomping around picking up, etc. Years ago that came to an end. I said that I would not be picking up the house when I got home. I came home, the house was a mess, I unpacked, did my own laundry, put my own clothes away - left it all. He tried to wait me out, but I just walked around his stuff, did my dishes, etc. Eventually he picked up and it never happened again. This is about the one and ONLY time I had a boundary that was honored in all our years.
I had forgotten about it - but I'll give him credit for the one.
Anyhow - take care of you, and let them take care of themselves! You really sound like you need some time, and your parents sound like they're very supportive and loving people, so I vote for hanging out with Mom and Dad! But, whatever you decide, do something for YOU!
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
I think time away would be great for you! And yes, take your checkbook too. I will share something with you and I don't know if it will help much. But, when I was younger (in my late teens/early 20's) I really was kind of a jerk to my mom. She helped me a lot with money. I took advantage. I'll admit that now. I did some things that I am not proud of.
I think what helped me the most was when she sat down and asked "Where did I go wrong? Was I that bad of a mother?" She was just crying and crying. I'd never seen her so hurt and upset. I won't ever forget that. I was the one who was a brat, who was ungrateful. And she felt like she was a "bad mother."
Over time, I came to see that. Now, we're closer than we ever were. We still have our issues, but after having a child, I understand now. I remember apologizing to her when my daughter was born and telling her, "I get it now, mom. I get it.... finally."
The thing is, I always loved my mom. I loved her so much and still do. I think I was just angry about some things and I took it out on her. Right now, my daughter is almost 9 months old and she's entering this phase where she will act like an angel around grandma, grandpa and even my husband. But, when she's around me, she can be a little monster. It's like she knows she can do it because she feels more comfortable around me?
Perhaps taking some of the comfort away from them will help the situation. And taking a breather yourself.
I am sorry for the rambling.
Either way, (big hug!)
I think what helped me the most was when she sat down and asked "Where did I go wrong? Was I that bad of a mother?" She was just crying and crying. I'd never seen her so hurt and upset. I won't ever forget that. I was the one who was a brat, who was ungrateful. And she felt like she was a "bad mother."
Over time, I came to see that. Now, we're closer than we ever were. We still have our issues, but after having a child, I understand now. I remember apologizing to her when my daughter was born and telling her, "I get it now, mom. I get it.... finally."
The thing is, I always loved my mom. I loved her so much and still do. I think I was just angry about some things and I took it out on her. Right now, my daughter is almost 9 months old and she's entering this phase where she will act like an angel around grandma, grandpa and even my husband. But, when she's around me, she can be a little monster. It's like she knows she can do it because she feels more comfortable around me?
Perhaps taking some of the comfort away from them will help the situation. And taking a breather yourself.
I am sorry for the rambling.
Either way, (big hug!)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Hi imallright, when I first read your post all I wanted to do was reach out and hug you and tell you to let it out, its ok to cry, you are all right and things will be all right even though it doesn't feel like it right now. I didn't really have any words of advice, but then as usual others come along sharing words of wisdom. I am in continued awe of the love and compassion found on this site.
If we are voting, I vote for the trip to your parents too
If you do go, maybe you can tell your parents up front that this trip is going to be for you and them, leave the H and kids out of it.
I'm so sorry your kids are being that way. I agree with zombiewife, someday they will look back and be sorry for how they treated you...they will 'get it' eventually. I just hope for your sake it is sooner rather than later. Have you ever opened a dialogue on how their words and actions make you feel? Maybe write them a letter or something if you can't say it in person. At least that way, they might think twice before they say hurtful things because you can 'call' them on it, or set a boundary with them. (if you've tried that sorry, i wasn't sure). You do a lot for them and deserve respect IMO.
Hope you are feeling better soon, hugs and prayers coming your way.
If we are voting, I vote for the trip to your parents too
If you do go, maybe you can tell your parents up front that this trip is going to be for you and them, leave the H and kids out of it. I'm so sorry your kids are being that way. I agree with zombiewife, someday they will look back and be sorry for how they treated you...they will 'get it' eventually. I just hope for your sake it is sooner rather than later. Have you ever opened a dialogue on how their words and actions make you feel? Maybe write them a letter or something if you can't say it in person. At least that way, they might think twice before they say hurtful things because you can 'call' them on it, or set a boundary with them. (if you've tried that sorry, i wasn't sure). You do a lot for them and deserve respect IMO.
Hope you are feeling better soon, hugs and prayers coming your way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Never knew that so many tears were possible. Tomorrow is another day. Just need to get there. Went out for awhile today. Took care of the horses. That is very theraputic. They never judge or call you bad names and are always happy as long as you have a treat and kind word.
Am planning to go to parents for a few days... think I have to. Feel like I am going to lose it.
Am planning to go to parents for a few days... think I have to. Feel like I am going to lose it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Hugs to you. It is hard to hear those feelings/words coming from the children who we have loved so much.
I am glad you are going to your parents for a few days. Good for you! Maybe this will be the start of you doing more things for yourself. At first I felt selfish about doing something nice for ME, but in the long run, it pays off.
You deserve something nice and a peaceful few days. Enjoy it; get away from the chaos and relax!
I am glad you are going to your parents for a few days. Good for you! Maybe this will be the start of you doing more things for yourself. At first I felt selfish about doing something nice for ME, but in the long run, it pays off.
You deserve something nice and a peaceful few days. Enjoy it; get away from the chaos and relax!
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
I feel your pain. And sadly have heard it so many times.
I have found from friends who have an Addicted spouse, that the kids abuse the sober spouse and not the addict often and for many reasons.
from one friend i have heard that , the kids know that you are always there and they don't have to be afraid of losing you and you will put up with it. The Chaos in their lives is stressful to them too and they don't know how to deal with it so they dump on you.
another friend told me her children told her years later that they were angry at their mom because she should be making Dad okay by not picking fights and keeping the peace. ( which we know is just another form of Co-dependency)
another man told me , his kids know the addict has a problem so they stay away from anything that might "perceive" as making that worse. And the addict isn't able to parent maturely and responsibly and so is often a lot more fun.
and last, because you are carrying the family on your back, you are tired and worn-down. Because you are taking everyone's life on besides/instead of your own you're stressed and angry and have a right to be.
I know when I was deeply involved in my son's addiction. fixing, hiding, fixing, yelling, quilt-ridden, I wasn't a very happy person. I am sure I wasn't fun to be around for my step-kids because I didn't have time to have fun. I was so busy taking care of everyone Else's problems. And nothing I ever did seemed to help anyway. In fact It made it worse for everyone and made for more resentments.
But everyone in the family seemed to be able to enjoy life without me, even my AS, and looking back, I don't blame them.
Time and time again in Al-anon I would hear how the addict parent is loved as the fun one and the Al-anon parent is the big party-pooper. It used to make me so mad. What the heck? Don't kids know which parent is acting responsible for the family?
no they don't. They look at one face and see stress, fear and anger. they look at the other and they don't see all those negative feelings ( even if it is drug or alcohol induced.)
sigh.
so I agree with the others take care of yourself first. Make yourself a priority for a change. and your children will see a more happy, peaceful, Mom who has found that she matters also.
I have found from friends who have an Addicted spouse, that the kids abuse the sober spouse and not the addict often and for many reasons.
from one friend i have heard that , the kids know that you are always there and they don't have to be afraid of losing you and you will put up with it. The Chaos in their lives is stressful to them too and they don't know how to deal with it so they dump on you.
another friend told me her children told her years later that they were angry at their mom because she should be making Dad okay by not picking fights and keeping the peace. ( which we know is just another form of Co-dependency)
another man told me , his kids know the addict has a problem so they stay away from anything that might "perceive" as making that worse. And the addict isn't able to parent maturely and responsibly and so is often a lot more fun.
and last, because you are carrying the family on your back, you are tired and worn-down. Because you are taking everyone's life on besides/instead of your own you're stressed and angry and have a right to be.
I know when I was deeply involved in my son's addiction. fixing, hiding, fixing, yelling, quilt-ridden, I wasn't a very happy person. I am sure I wasn't fun to be around for my step-kids because I didn't have time to have fun. I was so busy taking care of everyone Else's problems. And nothing I ever did seemed to help anyway. In fact It made it worse for everyone and made for more resentments.
But everyone in the family seemed to be able to enjoy life without me, even my AS, and looking back, I don't blame them.
Time and time again in Al-anon I would hear how the addict parent is loved as the fun one and the Al-anon parent is the big party-pooper. It used to make me so mad. What the heck? Don't kids know which parent is acting responsible for the family?
no they don't. They look at one face and see stress, fear and anger. they look at the other and they don't see all those negative feelings ( even if it is drug or alcohol induced.)
sigh.
so I agree with the others take care of yourself first. Make yourself a priority for a change. and your children will see a more happy, peaceful, Mom who has found that she matters also.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
hey imallright-
big (((hugs)))
I was an adult when I finally had to own these exact things CeCe mentioned:
From CeCe:They look at one face and see stress, fear and anger. they look at the other and they don't see all those negative feelings (even if it is drug or alcohol induced.)
It was true in my family - my mother was either pissed off and yelling and berating us or she was completely absorbed in maintaining her "false" face to the world lest they recognize her husband was an alcoholic. Alcoholism was the seed for all this insanity and yet my father's struggle with it and his "relate-ability" as someone struggling with a huge problem made him appear more rational than her nine times out of ten. Her codependency was as poisonous as his alcoholism.
I did come to see the unfairness of this and I both apologized and forgave my mother. We have a good relationship now. She was "running a tight ship" as she put it - doing the best she knew how. But the damage was thick - I mean I was well into my twenties, and my father had been sober/recovered 9 years before I came to grips with any of these truths.
This post also struck me because it reminded me of a genuine moment in my childhood where the curtain was pulled aside for an instant and I actually did feel compassion for my mother - the image stays with me to this day and definitely started me on the process of understanding/accepting her behavior:
From Zombiewife: I think what helped me the most was when she sat down and asked "Where did I go wrong? Was I that bad of a mother?" She was just crying and crying. I'd never seen her so hurt and upset. I won't ever forget that. I was the one who was a brat, who was ungrateful. And she felt like she was a "bad mother."
Same feelings from me: my oldest brother - already a messy, messy alcoholic at 21 was leaving home - driving to California - and he hadn't told my mom he was leaving - she heard about it at the supermarket from his friend's mom.
My mom came home heartbroken. She and my dad were supposed to go to a party that night and normally my mom would have been in full "it's showtime" mode. But she was sitting on the edge of her bed in her slip and just staring at the floor. This was not NORMAL!! It scared the daylights outta me. (I was 13). I asked her what was up and she told me and she began to cry. CRY!!! I put my arm around her. I was so angry at my brother. I made her a batch of muffins and left her a note on her dresser telling her I loved her....
I think my eyes were opened for the same reason as Zombiewife- my mom was showing me she was HUMAN and not a raging controlling machine for the first time in my life. And it was very powerful.
You keep doing what you know is right. Keep working on yourself and being yourself. With maturity your kids will see things differently. All will be revealed.
And as the child of a super strong mom I salute you!! I know now how hard it is, what you've been doing, and what a toll it has taken and how alone you feel at times.
Enjoy your getaway - let your parents baby you a little --and be gentle with yourself.
There's a lot of crying when we transform our lives! A lot!! You deserve a break - I hope it brings you some relief.
Peace,
B.
big (((hugs)))
I was an adult when I finally had to own these exact things CeCe mentioned:
From CeCe:They look at one face and see stress, fear and anger. they look at the other and they don't see all those negative feelings (even if it is drug or alcohol induced.)
It was true in my family - my mother was either pissed off and yelling and berating us or she was completely absorbed in maintaining her "false" face to the world lest they recognize her husband was an alcoholic. Alcoholism was the seed for all this insanity and yet my father's struggle with it and his "relate-ability" as someone struggling with a huge problem made him appear more rational than her nine times out of ten. Her codependency was as poisonous as his alcoholism.
I did come to see the unfairness of this and I both apologized and forgave my mother. We have a good relationship now. She was "running a tight ship" as she put it - doing the best she knew how. But the damage was thick - I mean I was well into my twenties, and my father had been sober/recovered 9 years before I came to grips with any of these truths.
This post also struck me because it reminded me of a genuine moment in my childhood where the curtain was pulled aside for an instant and I actually did feel compassion for my mother - the image stays with me to this day and definitely started me on the process of understanding/accepting her behavior:
From Zombiewife: I think what helped me the most was when she sat down and asked "Where did I go wrong? Was I that bad of a mother?" She was just crying and crying. I'd never seen her so hurt and upset. I won't ever forget that. I was the one who was a brat, who was ungrateful. And she felt like she was a "bad mother."
Same feelings from me: my oldest brother - already a messy, messy alcoholic at 21 was leaving home - driving to California - and he hadn't told my mom he was leaving - she heard about it at the supermarket from his friend's mom.
My mom came home heartbroken. She and my dad were supposed to go to a party that night and normally my mom would have been in full "it's showtime" mode. But she was sitting on the edge of her bed in her slip and just staring at the floor. This was not NORMAL!! It scared the daylights outta me. (I was 13). I asked her what was up and she told me and she began to cry. CRY!!! I put my arm around her. I was so angry at my brother. I made her a batch of muffins and left her a note on her dresser telling her I loved her....
I think my eyes were opened for the same reason as Zombiewife- my mom was showing me she was HUMAN and not a raging controlling machine for the first time in my life. And it was very powerful.
You keep doing what you know is right. Keep working on yourself and being yourself. With maturity your kids will see things differently. All will be revealed.
And as the child of a super strong mom I salute you!! I know now how hard it is, what you've been doing, and what a toll it has taken and how alone you feel at times.
Enjoy your getaway - let your parents baby you a little --and be gentle with yourself.
There's a lot of crying when we transform our lives! A lot!! You deserve a break - I hope it brings you some relief.
Peace,
B.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
My ex was a full blown methampetamine addict as well as a alcoholic .. he ultimately lost his life to his DOC .. I left him when our three children were quite young .. he came to visit here and there, called a few times, but really never brought any wholeness into our family .. just a bunch of broken promises ... Somewhere along the line the oldest of the three has chosen to heap blame on me for all the "bad" choices I made when she was a child, yet daddy was the hero.
I have heard her and her brother time and time again speak unkindly about me. They buck up against the rules and boundaries of the household and when confronted about it .. they always point their fingers at me and tell me how unfair I am.
Oneday the youngest of the three told me that all of them had gone to the mail and on the way they ran into one of the oldest co/workers and after she introduced them .. the co/worker said, "Do they live with the crazy lady too?" I was so hurt when I heard this. Every fiber filled with hurt and screamed injustice.
I have ultimately had to tell my daughter that she has to move out because of her behavior and constant refusal to respect me, other family members and our home. She has been over heard saying that someone at her work is more of a mother to her than I am .. she has told me she doesn't like me .. and it bothers me because I have bent over backwards to do the best I could for these children ...
For months I have let her get away with so much stuff that I would have never tolerated with my first child. I have given her plenty of reminders of the rules and boundaries .. I have allowed a grace period followed by threats and warnings and now I am enforcing the consequences ...
As a mother I have a responsibitly raise my children, teach them right and wrong and when the go astray to try to guide them back in the right direction .. I know I will not always be the "popular one" and today I am okay with that.
It is tough being the bad guy, but I'd much rather be the bad guy for good reasons then try to be the popular one just to fit or feel in.
********{Hugs}}}}}
Passion
I have heard her and her brother time and time again speak unkindly about me. They buck up against the rules and boundaries of the household and when confronted about it .. they always point their fingers at me and tell me how unfair I am.
Oneday the youngest of the three told me that all of them had gone to the mail and on the way they ran into one of the oldest co/workers and after she introduced them .. the co/worker said, "Do they live with the crazy lady too?" I was so hurt when I heard this. Every fiber filled with hurt and screamed injustice.
I have ultimately had to tell my daughter that she has to move out because of her behavior and constant refusal to respect me, other family members and our home. She has been over heard saying that someone at her work is more of a mother to her than I am .. she has told me she doesn't like me .. and it bothers me because I have bent over backwards to do the best I could for these children ...
For months I have let her get away with so much stuff that I would have never tolerated with my first child. I have given her plenty of reminders of the rules and boundaries .. I have allowed a grace period followed by threats and warnings and now I am enforcing the consequences ...
As a mother I have a responsibitly raise my children, teach them right and wrong and when the go astray to try to guide them back in the right direction .. I know I will not always be the "popular one" and today I am okay with that.
It is tough being the bad guy, but I'd much rather be the bad guy for good reasons then try to be the popular one just to fit or feel in.
********{Hugs}}}}}
Passion
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Berea, Kentucky
Posts: 9
Sending you hugs.....
Here's something that I have at work, and I read it when I get here every morning. It's helped me start to focus on ME during the day, when I'm not around the mess at home:
I am at work now, the chaos is not here with me, and I am free to breathe and enjoy MY day, the day I will create. My thoughts create feelings. If I think about messiness, I start to feel messy. If I think about gratitude, health, calmness, the busy details of the day I am creating right here, I feel satisfied. At this moment, I can choose my thoughts and alter the course of my day.
The more I focus on taking care of me, the better I am able to handle all the stuff that is flung at me from the homefront. The only way I am able to let go of those obessive thoughts and feelings is distraction, forcing myself to throw myself wholeheartedly into something entirely different.
Blessings to you. Keep talking!
Laura
Here's something that I have at work, and I read it when I get here every morning. It's helped me start to focus on ME during the day, when I'm not around the mess at home:
I am at work now, the chaos is not here with me, and I am free to breathe and enjoy MY day, the day I will create. My thoughts create feelings. If I think about messiness, I start to feel messy. If I think about gratitude, health, calmness, the busy details of the day I am creating right here, I feel satisfied. At this moment, I can choose my thoughts and alter the course of my day.
The more I focus on taking care of me, the better I am able to handle all the stuff that is flung at me from the homefront. The only way I am able to let go of those obessive thoughts and feelings is distraction, forcing myself to throw myself wholeheartedly into something entirely different.
Blessings to you. Keep talking!
Laura
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Talking. Something I am pretty good at. I guess it really does help. That and finding other things to keep me busy. My whole body aches. I really do need to rest. Feel like I am feeling sorry for myself, but guess I really have to realize that these are just signals that I need to take care of myself and start to do it. It's ok to take care of me. Guilt is a funny animal...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
