duet_4-8

Exah showed up in church this morning. After my Pastor sat through court from 9am-5pm on Monday and heard all the lies and watched exh try to destroy me and our oldest son, and after the judge ruled against him on almost every count, he STILL had the nerve to come to church! I would've been ashamed to ever show my face in front of our pastor again.

He cornered the only friend he has (had) left and began telling him and his wife all about how badly he was treated in court and how it was all my fault.

It kind of scares me; he is so completely out of touch with reality. He honestly believes that I have somehow orchestrated the mess his life is in. As if I have some sort of mystic power over everyone and everything.
Geez.....

cece

My brother went through something similar to you. His Ex went to church and made it a point to sit as close to him as possible and then bad-mouth his afterward to whoever would listen. It was very painful and my brother thought about defending himself or retaliating by telling everyone what she had done, but he knew it would only cause him more pain. He was sure and at peace with his side of it. He believed in time, people would see the truth, and they did. He found out that they actually knew a lot at the beginning also.
He also believed that maybe she came to church not just to hurt him but also because she was lost and hurt (by her own doing) and needed that time there also. Granted he is a better man than me. But its been five years and his reputation is fine and he feels good about his life. I am sad to say she is still pretty @#$%#$ up. It is hard to be patient. It is hard period when an addict tries to mess you up so they are not alone in it. when he bad mouths you, people really know where it is coming from. Wouldn't you? And if they don't and play the game of who is the most injured party, then you will find who your true friends are. No matter how he tries to mess up your yard, keep it clean and the focus on you and your kids.
:praying
Cathy

best

I would have seen that as a perfect reminder and opportunity to pray for him.
Holy Spirit, please be in this place and touch his heart.

Only God can change a stone heart.

duet_4-8

Best, I do pray for him every day. My sons do, too. But I am only human, and I am not in a place yet where I can be totally compassionate towards the man that is doing his level best to ruin me and doesn't care squat about how his children feel.

My pastor told me afterwards not to let it bother me, that no one in church believes him, but that is just not so easy, at least not yet. The wounds are very raw; it was less than a week ago. He lied about me and tried to destroy our son on the stand. I do feel sorry for him-most of the time-but I am just very tired of the drama. I thought when the judge granted me the divorce, he would stop with his smear campaign. I am just tired of it.

NoelleR

You've gotten some great responses here, and you seem to have your head on straight [especially to the point of already praying for him, and your kids praying for him too (goodonya mom)...this can often be the best help a person can receive -- and they don't even know it's happening]. I do want to bring up one thing that I saw in your original post, and it concerns me a bit.....you wrote...........:

"...It kind of scares me; he is so completely out of touch with reality. He honestly believes that I have somehow orchestrated the mess his life is in. As if I have some sort of mystic power over everyone and everything..."

Us alcoholics/addicts [yes, I'm one of those (recovered, though)], have to blame someone for our lots in life............certainly can't be our fault....lol just trying a bit of levity here....

Yes, he may very well be out of touch with reality, and this can be dangerous. Please don't take this and decide to lock yourself away, but do be careful, and take some precautions. Tell your concerns to......your pastor; your close friends; your attorney;.....somebody? The more folks who know and understand; the larger your immediate support group.....the better you may feel, and the better off you and your life will probably be..... (o:

Here's hoping all this projecting is just that.....projecting and nothing more. Have a good life, and remember.....: the most important person in your life is.....: YOU!


NoelleR

CatsPajamas

Duet,

Dignity and grace, remember that. You've carried yourself with dignity and grace throughout this mess. He will do what he does, and most people will see him for what he is.

Apparently he hasn't hit his bottom yet.

Hugs
Cats

Done_With_It

******{Duet}}}

My X roommate believes, truly believes that I have still almost 3+ years later have and am STILL ruining his life, his career, his LOVE LIFE, his friendships, and he lives like 5 states away.
I get messages often telling me how I have ruined all this all the way over where he lives. He can't even go 'into a bar' because of 'what I did'???
He's told mutual friends insane things that so never happened.. Crazy..

I did not do anything but kick him out.

What scares me the most is he "Truly" believes these things. Just like you said like I have some kind of mystic power.
And I've been hooked on meth before, and I still don't understand it.

I totally understand how you feel, and what you mean how it kind of scares you, or I can relate anyway.
It's a creepy feeling. Most people I tell just laugh, because they think it's so insane, and it is but at the same time? OMG.....

You know the truth.... That's what matters but at the same time Be careful..


:ghug3

BigSis

He is not credible... pastor said that, I think you need to believe. People may tolerate his presence, especially in church, because that is where we are taught tolerance. But tolerance and acceptance are different things.

If you do not respond to him, or defend yourself, he loses "his" reasons for being there - to get back at you. Give him time, he will disappear.



((hugs))

splendra

I am sorry this happened. However it does show you that he still don't get it for what that is worth. So now he needs to show the rest of the world where he is at I suppose.

Keep walking sweetie you will get thru it even he he feels a need to show up spouting nasties it is about him not you and I am sure other people can see.


(((((((((BIGHUGS))))))) to you.

lohu

I get what your going through my husband is a cocain addict, I found out about his addiction about 2 1/2 years ago, since then I have stuck by him and tried to support him and help with his recovery. He went through rehab did not work....tried on his own did not work....now at the point I have filed for divorce and have kicked him out of our home the disease has made his first priority his cocaine and then his kids by the time he gets home hes out of money and cannot provide for us... i have alot of love for him but my children come first i see that i cannot threaten him anymore with divorce and give him chance after chance i was just his enabler the best thing for me is to move on with life and not let the lies he tells everyone bother me...it took time to get over that though it wasnt easy but i had to for my sake of sanity, good luck to you in life....

AWEDA

(Jen)
People have already seen through him,and those who haven't yet will. I remember running into my AH's best friends parents at the courthouse when I was filing my PFA. These people treated AH like one of their own for years.She asked what I was dong there and I told her I was filing paperwork to get him out of the house, she said "It's about time". Wow, even though they knew him all these years and liked him,they knew how bad he was for me and the kids.Those who will listen too and believe him aren't worth having in your life.His family will continue to blame me and I just want to go there and flip out on them,but I won't,they are not worth it. I am so glad they are out of my life,I never did feel comfortable with them.He will screw up again and again,you just keep being the wonderful person you are.:ghug3

peaceteach

Jen,
I remember reading about not letting your guard down to how dangerous an ex can truly get, especially after a divorce. Do not engage with this man. Do not let this become a public issue between you and him. Keep walking the high road as you have been doing. My prayers are with you, and so are most of your church's, I imagine

duet_4-8

Thanks, all. I am not engaging with him. No one at church believes him, this I know. It's not that I'm afraid people will believe him. I just wish he would disappear-go to church somewhere else for crying out loud. He isn't coming for any reason other than to torment us.

I am meeting with my pastor this afternoon, along with my oldest son and my youngest (who is really hurting-can't understand why dad wants to take his brother's TV and bed in the settlement-what do you say???) The man has been our rock.

I have to admit to being much 'jumpier' than I have been in literally years. I cannot wait to get moved out of this house next week and into the Rockin' C. (pictures very soon!!)

I still have a restraining order, and I will call 911 if he gets within shouting distance of me or my child. Love you guys!