new and terrified
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 31
new and terrified
Not scared to be here- but scared of what will come for me (us) as I get stronger. My partner and I don't live together and she is on her way for an impromptu visit and I am absolutely terrified.
No she is not abusive. I think the terror comes from knowing that I must hold firm to the tiny and few boundaries I set (all of them broken, every single time)
In order to heal and breathe and exist and move forward.
I love her very much. She loves me very much- just scared at what happens next and unable to imagine getting too close-
sorry for the inchoherence and lack of introduction-
;0)
just knew writing would help me some.
thanks to all of you for sharing your journey- struggles and triumphs-
falloutcity
No she is not abusive. I think the terror comes from knowing that I must hold firm to the tiny and few boundaries I set (all of them broken, every single time)
In order to heal and breathe and exist and move forward.
I love her very much. She loves me very much- just scared at what happens next and unable to imagine getting too close-
sorry for the inchoherence and lack of introduction-
;0)
just knew writing would help me some.
thanks to all of you for sharing your journey- struggles and triumphs-
falloutcity
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
:ghug
Be strong, I'm sure everything will work out the way it's meant too.
Like the poster before me said.. Keep posting and sharing, this board is my sanity. All of us here can relate to what you are dealing with.
Be strong, I'm sure everything will work out the way it's meant too.
Like the poster before me said.. Keep posting and sharing, this board is my sanity. All of us here can relate to what you are dealing with.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 31
thanks so much for your responses- and get ready for a dumb question-
I've learned how to set limits and boundaries- and to be clear about them and how to follow up on them ... but what does enforce them mean.
My t said on the phone yesterday just worry about my co-dependence work on that part-
and she's glad I found this place ;0)-
so enforce = ?
I've learned how to set limits and boundaries- and to be clear about them and how to follow up on them ... but what does enforce them mean.
My t said on the phone yesterday just worry about my co-dependence work on that part-
and she's glad I found this place ;0)-
so enforce = ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 31
Thanks again and Happy Valentines Day everyone ;0)
Wishing everyone a good day however you choose to spend it. Mine will not include candy or time with my partner but will somehow have something fun in it-
(just haven't figured out what that will be yet)
:ghug:rof
fall out city
(just haven't figured out what that will be yet)
:ghug:rof
fall out city
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Originally Posted by falloutcity 
thanks so much for your responses- and get ready for a dumb question-
I've learned how to set limits and boundaries- and to be clear about them and how to follow up on them ... but what does enforce them mean.
My t said on the phone yesterday just worry about my co-dependence work on that part-
and she's glad I found this place ;0)-
so enforce = ?
I've learned how to set limits and boundaries- and to be clear about them and how to follow up on them ... but what does enforce them mean.
My t said on the phone yesterday just worry about my co-dependence work on that part-
and she's glad I found this place ;0)-
so enforce = ?
Theres no such thing as a dumb question! I think basically to enforce your boundaries means to stick by whatever boundaries you've made. Do as you say you will. Otherwise the boundaries are worthless to both of you. If you say you will do x if y happens then do it, and stick to it however difficult it might seem at the time.
I'm sure there'll be others, with more experience than I have, along soon, I'm still learning, but I've learned that even when us newbies think we're asking dumb questions they arent always that dumb, and people here are really patient and understanding.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 103
Welcome, fallout.
To me enforcing my boundaries means doing whatever it takes to keep them in place. One of my boundaries is that I will not engage in arguments with my soon-to-be-exAH about him using. When I see him, his eyes all bloodshot, talking nonsense (mostly lies about how he's not using), the first thing I want to do is grill him about who/what/where/when, I try to stop myself. If that means walking away from the conversation, then that's me enforcing my boundaries.
Maybe that didn't make sense but that's what it means to me.
Again, welcome.
To me enforcing my boundaries means doing whatever it takes to keep them in place. One of my boundaries is that I will not engage in arguments with my soon-to-be-exAH about him using. When I see him, his eyes all bloodshot, talking nonsense (mostly lies about how he's not using), the first thing I want to do is grill him about who/what/where/when, I try to stop myself. If that means walking away from the conversation, then that's me enforcing my boundaries.
Maybe that didn't make sense but that's what it means to me.
Again, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
If you want dumb questions, you should read my posts! The wisdom and patience here is amazing, so keep posting thoughts and questions, you will get a lot of sane wisdom to choose from! Sorry for your difficulty, and welcome! This is a great place and really helps a lot! Time helps with education. P.S. If you want to see a "dumb" boundary, but how it can bring chuckles, take a look at my folding shirts thread! We have a lot of people who need to learn, and a lot who know just how to do it right! 
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
There are no dumb posts here, only ones filled with support..
Enforce your boundries by sticking to them, by taking care of you and not letting your Addicted Partners drug use control your life. It sounds like you are doing a great job of that so far.
I'm new here myself but there are so many wise old timers here and the support they give is beyond amazing. Keep posting cause all it can do is help you.
Enforce your boundries by sticking to them, by taking care of you and not letting your Addicted Partners drug use control your life. It sounds like you are doing a great job of that so far.
I'm new here myself but there are so many wise old timers here and the support they give is beyond amazing. Keep posting cause all it can do is help you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by LucyA
Theres no such thing as a dumb question! I think basically to enforce your boundaries means to stick by whatever boundaries you've made. Do as you say you will. Otherwise the boundaries are worthless to both of you. If you say you will do x if y happens then do it, and stick to it however difficult it might seem at the time.
I'm sure there'll be others, with more experience than I have, along soon, I'm still learning, but I've learned that even when us newbies think we're asking dumb questions they arent always that dumb, and people here are really patient and understanding.
I'm sure there'll be others, with more experience than I have, along soon, I'm still learning, but I've learned that even when us newbies think we're asking dumb questions they arent always that dumb, and people here are really patient and understanding.
in/hang on till crisis has eased and then see where we are.your words helped very much.
Falloutcity
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by holdingouthope
Welcome, fallout.
One of my boundaries is that I will not engage in arguments with my soon-to-be-exAH about him using. When I see him, his eyes all bloodshot, talking nonsense (mostly lies about how he's not using), the first thing I want to do is grill him about who/what/where/when, I try to stop myself. If that means walking away from the conversation, then that's me enforcing my boundaries.
Maybe that didn't make sense but that's what it means to me.
Again, welcome.
One of my boundaries is that I will not engage in arguments with my soon-to-be-exAH about him using. When I see him, his eyes all bloodshot, talking nonsense (mostly lies about how he's not using), the first thing I want to do is grill him about who/what/where/when, I try to stop myself. If that means walking away from the conversation, then that's me enforcing my boundaries.
Maybe that didn't make sense but that's what it means to me.
Again, welcome.
"To me enforcing my boundaries means doing whatever it takes to keep them in place."
It made me smile because that's a good description of what I try and do and with some strange and creative ways too-
thanks again
Falloutcity :atv
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by codeinewife
If you want dumb questions, you should read my posts! The wisdom and patience here is amazing, so keep posting thoughts and questions, you will get a lot of sane wisdom to choose from! Sorry for your difficulty, and welcome! This is a great place and really helps a lot! Time helps with education. P.S. If you want to see a "dumb" boundary, but how it can bring chuckles, take a look at my folding shirts thread! We have a lot of people who need to learn, and a lot who know just how to do it right!
going to look for it=
thanks so much codeinewife for your welcome and kind words-
falloutcity
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by jerect
There are no dumb posts here, only ones filled with support..
Enforce your boundries by sticking to them, by taking care of you and not letting your Addicted Partners drug use control your life. It sounds like you are doing a great job of that so far.
I'm new here myself but there are so many wise old timers here and the support they give is beyond amazing. Keep posting cause all it can do is help you.
Enforce your boundries by sticking to them, by taking care of you and not letting your Addicted Partners drug use control your life. It sounds like you are doing a great job of that so far.
I'm new here myself but there are so many wise old timers here and the support they give is beyond amazing. Keep posting cause all it can do is help you.
falloutcity
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