rmarion

My Niece (25) is a drug addict. I want to help her, but she has not admited that she has a problem.

How should I ask her if she needs help?



Thanks

hope213

welcome to S.R. your niece is not ready for help or she would ask you. an addict has to reach their bottom before they realize they need help or even have a problem.read around all the post & what addicts do at the top of the forum. keep coming back.praers for you niece & you too.

rmarion

Thank you

mooselips

rmarion,
Hi, I just want to jump in here, and welcome you to sober recovery.
There's alot of people here with the same situation as you are experiencing.

I am the mother of 2 addict sons...(As)

Kick off your shoes and get comfy, we're all here for you...

Hangin' In

rmarion,

Welcome to SR. You've come to a great place to get some good info and great support.

Most likely your niece doesn't want help ... yet. Let's pray she comes to that decision on her own. From my experience, usually asking an addict if they want help doesn't encourage them to get it. It's when they hit their bottom that they seek help.

Stick around and read and post. There is lots to learn here.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

Done_With_It

You could also sit her down and ask her point blank. It's not always that we don't want help for someone like me I'm used to taking care of everyone else, and fixing everything on my own, I don't know how to ask for help most of the time, that's a process in life I'm still learning. I personally wanted help but did not know how to ask.

I'm not saying that will be her position because usually that is not the case, I'm just
saying don't rule it out.

Ann

I too am the mother of an addict, and I know the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves.

I wish I could give you a magic formula to save her from her addiction, but sadly they rarely stop using until the pain of using becomes greater than the fear of stopping.

Take a read around, make yourself familiar with what it's like dealing with addicted loved ones, and make yourself comfortable.

You've come to a good place where people understand and will walk with you on this journey.

Hugs

havehope

welcome to SR rmarion

The way we can help our addicts who we love is by not enabling them. Making excuses for them, loaning them money, etc.

Others before me are right about the addict has to want help before she will be willing to make changes to get better.

Sending prayers that she hits her bottom soon and seeks help.
Read the stickies at the top of this forum page and that might help n understanding the addict and even our behavior to the addict who we love.

Keep posting and reading.

marle

Welcome to SR. Mother of an addict here, daughter, 21. My daughter is not ready for help right now and so I use my time to make myself as educated about addiction as I can and I spend an equal amount of time taking care of me so that I don't sink into that dark pit with her. Your niece may or may not want help, but the addiction is hers and so is the solution to that problem. You can love you, but you can't save her. Hugs, Marle

sleepygoat

welcome - my 19 year old daughter is the addict - I ask her if she's ready - and she usually says "not yet" but I do keep asking from time to time and she knows when she wants help I'll help her get into treatment someplace. Actually, she did want help and got into detox once or twice already - but left before a week's time and went right back to using. So even when they agree to go to treatment it is absolutely no gaurantee of recovery to follow. This disease is so sad, so infuriating, so dark... but around here there is plenty of hope, light, and even laughter - so keep coming back. And please do not do anything in the mean time to make it easier for her to use drugs. For example, don't bail her out of jail, pay her bills, fix her car, etc. Let her have all of the consiquences of her drug addiction so that she can come to a place where she really want out of that life of using.

Mertzie

Welcome. I don't think it's wrong to ask, as long as you don't have any expectations about how she will react. As the others have said, you can't fix it for her, so be careful not to internalize the feeling that you're responsible for getting her into treatment. Hugs.

Spiritual Seeker

(Besides my son) My 35 yr. old nephew was an addict. It took me a long time to figure it out bec he lives in another state.
I reconnected with him and spoke to him honestly about his addiction. He was able to be honest back because I spoke with compassion and understanding of what addiction is. I took him to get his teeth fixed and when the dentist wanted to give him a prescription for pain pills I told the destist no that he was an addict. There was no more hiding the fact. His other aunt was able to suggest a treatment center and he went.
We had no control, but due to his age and the wreckage in his life, I think he was ready. He's been sober 3 yrs.
My son who is in early 20s told me he was ready last week but has since changed his mind. I am powerless but both these young men know they can turn to me if they need help with getting into recovery. They don't need to hide their addiction from me because I opened the door to talking about it.
I know I can take no responsibility for their problem, but I am available for support.
Being someone available to your niece can be good for her as long as she doesn't take advantage of you.

rmarion

I asked her if she wanted help... (thru email)

she replied: Yes (her only response)

I replied,
OK, were her to help you.....
Let's be honest with each other.........

I asked her what drugs she is addicted to?

(I don't know if that was a proper questioned to propose to her but..........)

No reply as of yet............ I know she read my question, because she responded with the yes answer with in 5 minutes...... I replied within 5 minutes.......but no response from her during the last 24 hours)

the lines of communication are opened...........


Thanks for all the responses and support.......

God Bless to All........

And good luck to all of you..........

splendra

hey there-

She might want some "help" but not the kind you are thinking of. You asked her point blank what drugs she is on that probably means she is not looking for help with the drug problem. Be careful and tread lightly cause she could end up taking you for a ride thru hell...

Be well informed don't let her blind side you...

Spiritual Seeker

I would pick up the phone.

Done_With_It

I agree, email has made our lives too easy.

She's scared you are scared, email has a way of letting miscommunication
get in the way.

Good for you for asking though! Your a great aunt! ((((.....))))

Keep us posted!!

marle

If she is in denial about her drug problem, you may not hear from her for a while. My daughter is always trying to convince me that she is not using that much and that she has it under control. I don't know if she is fooling herself or fooling me. I feel that she wants me to believe her so that she can somehow get me to enable again. When I talk about her addiction she always replies with a "K, mom, nice talking to you" and then I may not hear from her for a long while. Addicts are not predictable and their behavior is not "Normal" so it is hard to understand at times. If she does have a drug problem, she is probably going to do whatever is necessary to protect it. Drugs become their first love and only love. Hugs, Marle

rmarion

are NA meetings free of charge??

can anyone attend????

my niece lives out of State, I'm thinking of finding a local NA meeting and sending it to her......

Done_With_It

Yes, they are always free. Anyone can attend..... :ghug2
They have different types of meetings, but it will give you
the type, but if she gets to a meeting they will let her in.

rmarion

communication lines are open.....

BTW, her younger sister is handled as of today (leaving on a Jet Plane for Re-Hab tomorrow morning)

1 down with 1 to go......:bounce

Thanks for all the support.......