Hopeful
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
Hopeful
Well yesterday ended surprisingly well considering what the past 4 days were like with him not calling at all and me having no clue as to why. Yesterday he called a total of 3 times. We talked roughly 2 1/2 hours. The first two times he talked to the kids also. Which defiantley help in putting the 3yr old to bed. Only 15 minutes of screaming and crying this time in stead of the usual 30 - 40. So I really think him talking to daddy helped a lot. Made him realize that daddy is still there and he told him himslef that he is coming home soon. He even talked to the baby. And it seems like the baby still remembers his voice. Smiled away and guggled into the phone.
The last phone call surprised me the most. He called at 10pm, after all the kids were in bed and I was starting to get ready to head there myself, never expecting a call. Said he wanted to wish me a good night and just talk like we use to before bed time, about nothing really but silly stuff that would make us laugh from the things that had happened that day or smiled that day. It was always a good way to end the day. This is how we used to end our days before all this stuff started. So when he called wanting to just chat about the silly bed time chat before bed I teared up. I know, sappy me. But it makes me hopeful that maybe the man I love is still in there and is going to come home from this place and leave the man who went in there behind.
So we chatted for about 15 minutes laughing and so on about the silly things the kids and dogs had been doing this week, how the puppy had some how learned to peel oranges(no kidding) and stuff like that. Then he told me he wished he was there to snuggle with me instead of going back to a room with a snoring man. lol. Well I guess that is a good thing right? lol Said he loved me and he would call tomorrow.
So I think last night was a much better day over all. But the weekend did have much in teh way of intense therapy stuff from what he said. Only group stuff. He didn't go into details and I didn't ask. THis is just what he alluded to. He said the hard therapy work is done during the week. So it might get hard agian this week. We shall see.
Nikki
The last phone call surprised me the most. He called at 10pm, after all the kids were in bed and I was starting to get ready to head there myself, never expecting a call. Said he wanted to wish me a good night and just talk like we use to before bed time, about nothing really but silly stuff that would make us laugh from the things that had happened that day or smiled that day. It was always a good way to end the day. This is how we used to end our days before all this stuff started. So when he called wanting to just chat about the silly bed time chat before bed I teared up. I know, sappy me. But it makes me hopeful that maybe the man I love is still in there and is going to come home from this place and leave the man who went in there behind.
So we chatted for about 15 minutes laughing and so on about the silly things the kids and dogs had been doing this week, how the puppy had some how learned to peel oranges(no kidding) and stuff like that. Then he told me he wished he was there to snuggle with me instead of going back to a room with a snoring man. lol. Well I guess that is a good thing right? lol Said he loved me and he would call tomorrow.
So I think last night was a much better day over all. But the weekend did have much in teh way of intense therapy stuff from what he said. Only group stuff. He didn't go into details and I didn't ask. THis is just what he alluded to. He said the hard therapy work is done during the week. So it might get hard agian this week. We shall see.
Nikki
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Try to prepare yourself Nikki... enjoy the good when it happens and try (I know this is hard) to not have 'expectations' about tomorrow.
When my kid first went to rehab, I thought it was the silver bullet...that recovery was HERE and would only PROGRESS from that point on.
It doesn't work that way. Recovery is not an event, it is a process. And that process includes a LOT of ups and downs that have absolutely NOT ONE THING to do with you ro with me or with anyone but the addict. But the condition of addiction tends to have the addict looking to put that pain anywhere but on themselves... often leaving us feeling like no matter what we do - it isn't the "right" thing.
The "right" thing for me has been to love my addicts, but do my best to untangle ME from them... to distance ME from their wants, needs and desires and allow them, sometimes for the first time, to figure stuff out on their own. Which is exactly how *I* learned how to do things... (I tend to forget that part and was always trying to "make things easier/better" instead of allowing learning to happen).
I wish you the best.
When my kid first went to rehab, I thought it was the silver bullet...that recovery was HERE and would only PROGRESS from that point on.
It doesn't work that way. Recovery is not an event, it is a process. And that process includes a LOT of ups and downs that have absolutely NOT ONE THING to do with you ro with me or with anyone but the addict. But the condition of addiction tends to have the addict looking to put that pain anywhere but on themselves... often leaving us feeling like no matter what we do - it isn't the "right" thing.
The "right" thing for me has been to love my addicts, but do my best to untangle ME from them... to distance ME from their wants, needs and desires and allow them, sometimes for the first time, to figure stuff out on their own. Which is exactly how *I* learned how to do things... (I tend to forget that part and was always trying to "make things easier/better" instead of allowing learning to happen).
I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Nikki
I can hear the hope in your "voice"
I can only imagine the difficult path you are on
I am the mom of an addict so our experiences are a little different
I feel for you...I know how much you are longing for your spouse...my husband and I grew closer as a result of our son's addiction and I am very grateful that no matter what we must face b/c of the addiction we face it together
please continue to have hope and believe in the miracle but also find good support for yourself....
it may be awhile before your husband can be the helpmate and life partner that you deserve and in the meantime perhaps you can find others to help you emotionally and physically...alanon is a great place to find a network of support
I gather your husband is in a short term rehab (I know 18-28 days feels long when you're holding down the fort but its a drop in the bucket when it comes to rehab....)
he will not be "cured" when he is released....he will still be in very early recovery and that can be a stressful time
I will keep you and your family in my prayers
I can hear the hope in your "voice"
I can only imagine the difficult path you are on
I am the mom of an addict so our experiences are a little different
I feel for you...I know how much you are longing for your spouse...my husband and I grew closer as a result of our son's addiction and I am very grateful that no matter what we must face b/c of the addiction we face it together
please continue to have hope and believe in the miracle but also find good support for yourself....
it may be awhile before your husband can be the helpmate and life partner that you deserve and in the meantime perhaps you can find others to help you emotionally and physically...alanon is a great place to find a network of support
I gather your husband is in a short term rehab (I know 18-28 days feels long when you're holding down the fort but its a drop in the bucket when it comes to rehab....)
he will not be "cured" when he is released....he will still be in very early recovery and that can be a stressful time
I will keep you and your family in my prayers
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 98
Nikki - glad things seem to be going A LOT better than they were a few days ago! That is great news. I also hope that your hubby's rehab is something that he looks at with finality, meaning I hope he 'gets it' this time as he goes through it and never needs to go back, like I have read on here that many have to go through a few times before they 'get it.'
My thoughts are with you and your kids. I know that many in rehab go through a period of elation (I've heard it referred to as Rehab High) when they feel absoluetly wonderful because they are releasing some shame over their addiction, past deeds, etc. and feel good about getting help and feel confident that they are doing right by themselves and others by getting sober, etc. I pray that his Rehab High is the only high associated with addiction that he'll ever think he needs to feel ever again (aside from the 'high' feelings in life that people should experience, like unconditional love, pride in doing right by families and friends, excitement, passion, etc.!!)
Best to you and hope you sleep sound now that your previous worries about him not calling have stopped. I hope things go easier for you and all of your responsibilities at home, and I hope your kids bring you joy in the following days!
My thoughts are with you and your kids. I know that many in rehab go through a period of elation (I've heard it referred to as Rehab High) when they feel absoluetly wonderful because they are releasing some shame over their addiction, past deeds, etc. and feel good about getting help and feel confident that they are doing right by themselves and others by getting sober, etc. I pray that his Rehab High is the only high associated with addiction that he'll ever think he needs to feel ever again (aside from the 'high' feelings in life that people should experience, like unconditional love, pride in doing right by families and friends, excitement, passion, etc.!!)
Best to you and hope you sleep sound now that your previous worries about him not calling have stopped. I hope things go easier for you and all of your responsibilities at home, and I hope your kids bring you joy in the following days!
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