kj21

I am sure we are all reflecting tonight. I have some questions for you all~ Where were you at this time last year. Are you in a better place now? Happier?

My exa was just finishing up his rehab at this time last year. I couldn't wait for him to be done so we could start our new improved life. I was sure things would be soo much better in 2007. He had admitted that he had a problem and took the steps to fix it. His councilors told me how well he did. I was so proud of him. I was a little niave I guess. Things did not get better, maybe for a litttle while. Then same old, if not worse. We started breaking up in the fall of 2008, back and forth...then in Nov. I was really done. I am happier now. I was so scared at first, hence the back and forth, but now i have really let go of the idea of us being together forever, I realize I deserve to be treated better. How could I keep loving a man who lied to me almost daily in the end? I do stuggle with my guilt about him hurting over our breakup, and I am realizing how much anger I have been holding inside because of his actions over the years but I am working on that.

Here"s to happiness in 2008, may we all be happier reflecting back at this time next year!

sleepygoat

I'll drink (coffee) to that!!

last year my AD was missing. i had only sketchy info - she was homeless in either Newark or Irvington and she was prostituting. She hated her parents.

Much better psychologically for me now. I know where she is and she's living indoors. She's a stripper, yeah, but no longer a prostitute. She claims to love me and her step dad now. On the down side, she has HIV and is emaciated and of course, still using.

I really can't say whether I feel better because i have worked hard on myself and recovering in the area of codependance OR whether I feel better because she's in my life and I know where she is.

tonight I say, "who cares!" It's a much better january 1st than last year was and I'm just grateful about that.

lightseeker

What a great idea for New Year's Day. 2007 was an extremely difficult year for me and I have changed a lot in the process of coping with it. Mainly, my boundaries are better. Most importantly, I am developing the self-discipline to maintain them. I've had to realize that my RAH is not like a "normal" person....speaking kindly and firmly about my needs/boundaries and expecting that to be enough for them to be respected....NOT going to happen. I've really had to learn about detaching with love and not get hoo-dooed by pretty words. I like to say that I'm from Missouri now - the show me state.

This time last year I was a lot more confused and wishy washy. I continued to be hurt by a sober addict (not a "recovering" one) with a severe case of ADD. (really inappropriate and hurtful things pop out of his mouth all of the time). I've had to deal with a lot of the grief over what the heck was wrong with me to allow myself to get in and stay in this relationship...I've grown alot in accepting that and realizing it is what I needed to finally grow and develop boundaries that I am willing to maintain.

I no longer fear his potential relapse. I am taking the steps to protect myself financially (with legal documents) should that occur. My life wouldn't miss too many beats if that should happen. I haven't had a drink in 22 months and my new-found sobriety has helped me to be more level-headed to deal with life on life's terms. Now, if I can reach a point where I do not put food into my mouth to numb out and cope. Sounds like a need for me to visit another SR forum doesn't it?

I feel that I have a deeper and richer appreciation for sobriety and recovery now. It is a miracle that RAH has 2 1/2 years clean. Sometimes I forget to appreciate that miracle. It took until he was 47 to get there. Not only is he dealing with a crack addiction but a sex addiction as well. I don't live in fear of his acting out on that either.

All in all a very very tough year. I never would have thought that sobriety would have been this difficult. I really believed that if he quit using everything would be magically better. Geeesh! It just covered up the Grand Canyon of issues! I continue to be incredibly grateful for this forum and the fact that it is available for 24/7. I love each one of you deeply.

Thanks! Donna

krhea75

Okay, I'll play. Last year at this time my son was in a terrible spot. Using, flunking out of school. We took him to rehab in January, saying we were just going there to talk. But we got in and drove away. He stood there in the bitter cold with his hooded jacket on and shorts. I felt so horrible then. I drove down the road and stoppped and had coffee and cried. After 3 months there, he left successfully for the first time. I was so happy! His counselor had made huge progress in helping him deal with deep issues.
He came home, and in 3 months he was using again, arrested two times and sent back to rehab. After two more months there and 3 months at a halfway house, he got kicked out for possessing prescription pills. He now faces jail time.

Where am I now? I guess I've learned to not hold up expectations and to live in the right now. It sure makes things easier. I've learned that I am not God. I am an imperfect human being who loves my son. I have done all that I could, but it is up to him. I am more at peace with my life in spite of all that has happened. I am thankful for all my friends, family and students who have helped me by giving me something to focus on besides myself. Sorry to get so long winded, but I am eternally thankful for all of you as well.
krhea

rahsue

last year at this time, I was praying my son would make the right choices. He was on suboxone (which I think works if you work it) but apparently not taking them like he was supposed to. So he was drinking like he knew what he was doing. So I was worrying he was going from one thing to another but no, he stuck to heroin.

BUT NOT NOW!!!! WOO HOO HAPPY NEW YEAR