LstInHISadictin

ARGGG. I can't stop with the anxiety. My fiance says he has been clean since leaving detox 3 or so weeks ago. I just have this horrible anxiety that he is still using. Missing money, making up excuses to run out of the house, no sex, sudden urges to clean the entire house, etc. He is attending NA meetings and has a sponser. He continues to swear to me that he is clean and that I saved him and he doesnt want to lose me and he understand why I feel the way I do and that it is normal and he will do anything to make it better. All he wants to do is make it better and make everything back to normal.

Am I insane? I feel like I am insane. He is very loving and caring and does nice things for me and always tells me I am beautiful and that he loves me more than anything. He is never mean or angry. We have fun together. I just cant kick the feeling that he is still using. I cant let it go and it is making me feel insane. I doubt everything he does. I know it is not normal and very unhealthy for our relationship. I always have this guard up and it is hindering me from enjoying my time with him. I'm trying, but I feel like I am going insane.

Taking5

Missing Money is a big red flag.

Drug test him. What was his DOC? Most likely you can find a home test for it.

Stellargirl

Another red flag!

Trust your gut!

Ann

I agree, trust your instinct, it will rarely lie to you.

The red flags are all there, perhaps including his denial. It's just sad and my prayers go out for both of you.

Hugs

LstInHISadictin

His DOC is heroin. Smokes it. I have a home drug test, I guess I dont know if that is what I should do. Thoughts?

Taking5

Why would you NOT want to use a home drug test?

Wascally Wabbit

Insane is what you become when you live with an active addict or alcoholic.
Are you insane? Probably. Most of us were, some still are.
If you see all the signs and you refuse to live in denial about them, then you will do what you need to do to take care of your own sanity and your own life.
It's a hard road living with an addict. It eats away our life and ages us unless we get help for ourselves.
My xah was very loving and caring at times too, but his addiction did not cause us to grow together, it seperated us very far from each other.
I am sorry you're feeling so anxious. I do hope you feel better soon.

Wascally Wabbit

Question: If you gave him a drug test and he tested positive, what would you do about it?

sleepygoat

I never heard of smoking heroin. Pretty sure its either sniffed or injected.

but at any rate, yeah, test him. My husband still tests me every once in a while and it only helps to keep me clean - a sort of deterent. so if he's not willing to be tested that's a huge, gigantic red flag right there.

Taking5

Sleepy,

Yes you can smoke heroin. Injection is more common.

Lst,

I'd be really interested in your response to some of the posts here.

hello-kitty

Wascally Wabbit is right on point. IF he is smoking heroin again (and in my opinion their are lots of red flags pointing in that direction - something is going on) WHAT are you going to do about it?

If you are not willing to follow through on the boundaries that you draw, then their is really no point in drawing them. Because it makes you a liar. Just like him.


For your sake and his, I hope he is still clean this Christmas. But addicts lie. The test will tell you the truth. If you decide to use it. And if he refuses to take it, then accept that as an admission of guilt as well.

LstInHISadictin

He smokes the heroin. It is Mexican black tar heroin, very common in the Los Angeles area. I gave him the drug test and he tested positive for opiates and PCP???? I have no idea about the PCP...my only thoughts are that it is probably mixed in with the tar crap he gets?? I've also read that the PCP has common false positive results. I dont know why or what the heck? Anyone know about this? Anyways, he failed the drug test, but heres the kicker... last week he went to the Dr. and got 6 subutex pills to have on hand "just in case" (sound shady to me?? I dont understand why the Dr. would contiune to prescribe them after he's weined off of methadone at detox and is supposedly CLEAN). Anyways, he's taken 2 of the subutex since getting them and they do cause a positive reading on a drug test. So, I still dont completely know if he is using or not. I honestly want to believe him that he is clean, and I do know that the subutex can cause him to test positive. I dont know. He has been going to NA meetings everyday. I dont know what to do. I guess I just have to protect my finances and have some faith. That is where I stand for now.

BigSis

Yes, I think you do.


Our denial is just as big as the addicts'. We don't WANT to set boundaries, so we tend to WANT to believe everything is "fine".

I stopped testing my kid for drugs - I could only catch her at it about half the time, and she was doing things to fake the test. So I set my boundaries around her behavior - because after all, it was her behavior while using that I couldnt' handle.

If money is missing - can you handle all the money? Give him a reasonable amount for gas and lunch and then say NO more? If that puts you in the position of being a jailer, then perhaps you can completely separate your finances... you pay your bills, he pays his.

I would change my pin numbers and hide my debit cards....

And perhaps focus on MY recovery. Lots of face to face meetings helped me see how much of what was happening in MY home was/had also happened in others. It made me feel better, that my loved one wasn't really any different than any other addict - and that others really DID know what I was going through.


I wish you the best.