Heroin
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
Yuck
It's been a rough day. He's been pretty pitiful coming off those pills. He told me before he went to bed that tomorrow would be better. I hope so. We are going to church and he's going to have to do it sober.
I'm a little bit afraid of Monday but tomorrow is Sunday and I have to deal with Sunday before Monday. At least Monday he'll be at work all day. He doesn't even have time to smoke. I think that's been the biggest problem, he hasn't done anything this weekend. If he keeps his mind busy, I think the psychological stuff will be fine by next weekend don't you think?
I'm worried about the drinking today. The mini-bottles turned out to be a something bigger than a pint but less than a fifth. By the end of the night, before the liquer store closed, he asked me to go him some more for tomorrow since they won't be open on Sunday. Like an ass, I went but told him that I didn't appreciate his manipulating me because I was enabling him and that next weekend, there would be no excuse, no aches, no pains, no nausea, no chills, etc. (Right?). Please don't beat me up for getting him vodka. I know it was wrong. I just wanted him to sorta go away.
Oh yeah, he got very ugly with me and said I didn't understand. I told him I DID understand thanks to my enlightened friends and just like ya'll told me, he got pissy about this website and told me to get on the computer and tell all my "friends" about him and get some more false information. I told him I expected that reaction from him and I expected him to get nasty with me, blame me, etc. and that I totally wasn't bothered by his rantings - RANT ON!!!!
One day at a time......:praying
I'm a little bit afraid of Monday but tomorrow is Sunday and I have to deal with Sunday before Monday. At least Monday he'll be at work all day. He doesn't even have time to smoke. I think that's been the biggest problem, he hasn't done anything this weekend. If he keeps his mind busy, I think the psychological stuff will be fine by next weekend don't you think?
I'm worried about the drinking today. The mini-bottles turned out to be a something bigger than a pint but less than a fifth. By the end of the night, before the liquer store closed, he asked me to go him some more for tomorrow since they won't be open on Sunday. Like an ass, I went but told him that I didn't appreciate his manipulating me because I was enabling him and that next weekend, there would be no excuse, no aches, no pains, no nausea, no chills, etc. (Right?). Please don't beat me up for getting him vodka. I know it was wrong. I just wanted him to sorta go away.
Oh yeah, he got very ugly with me and said I didn't understand. I told him I DID understand thanks to my enlightened friends and just like ya'll told me, he got pissy about this website and told me to get on the computer and tell all my "friends" about him and get some more false information. I told him I expected that reaction from him and I expected him to get nasty with me, blame me, etc. and that I totally wasn't bothered by his rantings - RANT ON!!!!
One day at a time......:praying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
I lost my mind yesterday and last night and I am ashamed.
AH is detoxing off Oxycodone (that he was shooting and taking orally when he couldn't shoot) and yesterday, he decided that his head was so messed up and his body was so messed up that he would drink a fifth of vodka and 15 beers along with about 30 Clonopins to drown his sorrows. The man couldn't walk, couldn't speak, couldn't pee straight, couldn't stay awake, couldn't remember nothing, would NOT use an ashtray when he smoked, he'd flick his ashes on the floor and instead of putting out his cigerettes, would place them butt end down on any flat surface and just let them burn when he was done.
I was mean, I was angry, I threw things, I threw the beer out in the front yard, I broke his cell phone, I told him he was an ass, he was pathetic, that he stunk (no shower in 4 days), I was sick of his addictions, I was sick of his demons becoming my own, and he could find someplace else to try and burn down and **** all over tonight.
I know all that meant nothing to him. I know I have made no difference in his life. I know that I went against God's will by doing all this but you know what.....it made me feel better. Nobody was on-line last night to talk to so I did what I do best - ranted at the addict and scared the hell out of my kids. I'm just as sick as he is.
AH is detoxing off Oxycodone (that he was shooting and taking orally when he couldn't shoot) and yesterday, he decided that his head was so messed up and his body was so messed up that he would drink a fifth of vodka and 15 beers along with about 30 Clonopins to drown his sorrows. The man couldn't walk, couldn't speak, couldn't pee straight, couldn't stay awake, couldn't remember nothing, would NOT use an ashtray when he smoked, he'd flick his ashes on the floor and instead of putting out his cigerettes, would place them butt end down on any flat surface and just let them burn when he was done.
I was mean, I was angry, I threw things, I threw the beer out in the front yard, I broke his cell phone, I told him he was an ass, he was pathetic, that he stunk (no shower in 4 days), I was sick of his addictions, I was sick of his demons becoming my own, and he could find someplace else to try and burn down and **** all over tonight.
I know all that meant nothing to him. I know I have made no difference in his life. I know that I went against God's will by doing all this but you know what.....it made me feel better. Nobody was on-line last night to talk to so I did what I do best - ranted at the addict and scared the hell out of my kids. I'm just as sick as he is.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((hugs))))))
Sorry you are going through this. Now, what are you going to do to take care of yourself and the kids? I realize he's in pain, but you and the kids shouldn't have to suffer like this.
Sorry I have no advice, other than to put you and your kids (and your safety) first. I just worked two triple shifts this weekend and am going back to sleep, but wanted you to know I was thinking about you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Sorry you are going through this. Now, what are you going to do to take care of yourself and the kids? I realize he's in pain, but you and the kids shouldn't have to suffer like this.
Sorry I have no advice, other than to put you and your kids (and your safety) first. I just worked two triple shifts this weekend and am going back to sleep, but wanted you to know I was thinking about you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
Many many thanks - and GOOD NEWS
Thank you Amy for your post. I actually have some GOOD NEWS!
I just spoke to my AH. He is going into rehab this afternoon! As most of you know, he is a substance abuse counselor so it is a little tricky for him just to sign up and walk into a facility. He spoke to his mentor/supervisor and she is putting him in a 5 day inpatient program. I'm a little concerned about the short-term program but I think, since the physical withdrawals are abatting, it's the psychological issues they will deal with. He's crying, he's hit his rock bottom.
I don't know if he will be allowed by the State to maintain his license to practise and I don't know if he'll be able to keep his job. I have to call his boss pretty soon and tell him he won't be to work this week. AH mentioned something about needing a break from the counseling thing. I guess we can talk about that later this week when I can see him.
Anyway, I will probably have the first sound night of sleep in a very long time. I don't have to worry about him sneaking out to score, I don't have to worry about his depleting the bank account, I don't have to worry about him scoring some bad dope and dying, I don't have to worry infections or diseases (tonight), I don't have to worry about him setting the house on fire or peeing on any toilet seats. I don't have to worry about him dropping the baby or my 12 year old seeing him stumble into walls or nod off while eating his dinner or in the middle of a converation. Tonight we will be a family, with or without him and tomorrow will be a good day too cause he's finally confessed that he is addicted, that the addication is bigger than he is and that he was a fool to think he could "dabble" just one more time and it not get hold him so fast it made all our heads spin.
I have no fantasies that this is the cure all and the answer to my prayers but I do hope it is a start and I do hope that it gets the lines of communication open and I do hope (but will not promise) that this is the end of it and I get to be me again, and a good mom again and he can be a good dad and husband again.
My thanks to all of you for getting me this far, for letting me know that his using is not personal to me, that he was going to XYorZ or say XYor Z. This place is a crystal ball with all the best and brightest, most caring and generous with their honesty bunch of folks I've ever met. I am honored to have "met" you and to let you know, I am not going away. This is just a chapter. There are more to come.
I just spoke to my AH. He is going into rehab this afternoon! As most of you know, he is a substance abuse counselor so it is a little tricky for him just to sign up and walk into a facility. He spoke to his mentor/supervisor and she is putting him in a 5 day inpatient program. I'm a little concerned about the short-term program but I think, since the physical withdrawals are abatting, it's the psychological issues they will deal with. He's crying, he's hit his rock bottom.
I don't know if he will be allowed by the State to maintain his license to practise and I don't know if he'll be able to keep his job. I have to call his boss pretty soon and tell him he won't be to work this week. AH mentioned something about needing a break from the counseling thing. I guess we can talk about that later this week when I can see him.
Anyway, I will probably have the first sound night of sleep in a very long time. I don't have to worry about him sneaking out to score, I don't have to worry about his depleting the bank account, I don't have to worry about him scoring some bad dope and dying, I don't have to worry infections or diseases (tonight), I don't have to worry about him setting the house on fire or peeing on any toilet seats. I don't have to worry about him dropping the baby or my 12 year old seeing him stumble into walls or nod off while eating his dinner or in the middle of a converation. Tonight we will be a family, with or without him and tomorrow will be a good day too cause he's finally confessed that he is addicted, that the addication is bigger than he is and that he was a fool to think he could "dabble" just one more time and it not get hold him so fast it made all our heads spin.
I have no fantasies that this is the cure all and the answer to my prayers but I do hope it is a start and I do hope that it gets the lines of communication open and I do hope (but will not promise) that this is the end of it and I get to be me again, and a good mom again and he can be a good dad and husband again.
My thanks to all of you for getting me this far, for letting me know that his using is not personal to me, that he was going to XYorZ or say XYor Z. This place is a crystal ball with all the best and brightest, most caring and generous with their honesty bunch of folks I've ever met. I am honored to have "met" you and to let you know, I am not going away. This is just a chapter. There are more to come.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm glad he is going for help....I know what a relief that must be for you. Take the time while he is away to keep working on your recovery too...Addiction is a rough ride. Hugs, sleep well tonight!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
Ha, ha
I'm not going ANYWHERE! I'm ADDICTED to SR and I would miss my friends and partners in battle whether they are battling their own addictions or battling their need to battle their loved ones addictions.
You have made me strong. No tears today. No regrets. Joy only but the educated knowledge that this may not be "it". I do feel like I made a difference by following much brilliant advice - my crystal ball that let me know exactly, almost word for word, action for action, what was going to happen during this process and for no surprises.
Yeah!!!
You have made me strong. No tears today. No regrets. Joy only but the educated knowledge that this may not be "it". I do feel like I made a difference by following much brilliant advice - my crystal ball that let me know exactly, almost word for word, action for action, what was going to happen during this process and for no surprises.
Yeah!!!
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
This is good news!!! It is best for him to get help outside himself and his own answers. Hopefully this will be it for him ... but it isn't for you (once an addict always an addict) and I know you know this .. continue in your own recovery ..equip yourself , continue growing and changing and blossoming into the beautiful flower you were intended to before addiction stepped in 
and became a wild out of control weed in the garden ... choking off other life.
For now rest in the knowledge of knowing tonight he is right where he needs to be ... Rest and enjoy the peace
******{Hugs}}}}}
Passion
and became a wild out of control weed in the garden ... choking off other life. For now rest in the knowledge of knowing tonight he is right where he needs to be ... Rest and enjoy the peace
******{Hugs}}}}}
Passion
Namaste
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Jupiter
Posts: 19
DevestatedJP---OMG! My husband said the same thing! (about his addict behavior) "are you going to get your info from the internet or listen to ME?"
I am so exhausted and so confused. Puh!
I am so exhausted and so confused. Puh!
Last edited by Love Prevails; 11-28-2007 at 05:43 PM. Reason: Forgot to put who I was replying to.
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